My little bookworm
by DoubleFate
Summary: Can a mistaken email really change someones life?  Bella is just about to find out! Welcome to the crazy world of Authorella and Inkward aka Bookworm and her Green eyed devil! AH - Cannon for the most part.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - Ok this is my very first attempt at writing so please feel free to let me know if you think my story sucks! I do no own Twilight I'm just taking them out to play. If I suck that bad I will probably drop them off the cliffs of La Push to let someone else find them!**

**I dont have a beta as this story was a result of watching way too much lifetime last night so between commercial breaks this story was born. I dont mind reviews telling me what people like or dislike about this story. But please dont flame me for grammar mistakes, I know there are probably more then a few but really I tried!**

**Now on with the show! - Enjoy**

Bella blinked .. Refusing to let the tears fall as she looked down at the photo's she was holding on her lap.. Proof, she wasn't really sure it was something she wanted. It was amazing to her how a little black and white 5x7 picture could do so much damage. For Bella it was freedom, For _him_ it would be the end of the lavish lifestyle _he_ had so become accustomed to. The tears weren't really because she was sad, she was pissed off! A rather humiliating tendency of hers, her tears and temper seemed to be linked. After everything she had given to _him_ and this is the thanks she got? Her boyfriend of 3 years fucking her close friend Tanya in her own fucking pool no less. As Bella looked down at the photo she couldn't help but think back through her life and how so much had changed for her. If this would of happened years ago Bella would of been devastated wondering what she had done wrong.

Bella had always been a shy girl with low self esteem partly because of her being a huge klutz, always to busy watching her feet to notice the people around her. But more then that a lot of her low self esteem and shyness stemmed from her mother. Bella has spent the first 15 years of her life being dragged around by her mother Renee. Renee took every chance she could to let Bella know she was a mistake and had ruined her life, telling her that no one wanted her even her own father had bailed as soon as he saw the plus sign on the pregnancy test. When Bella was 15 Renee and her newest boy toy Phil Dwyer a minor league baseball player, had both been trashed and tried to drive home, they never made it. Phil had been killed instantly, Renee had survived but soon found herself in jail for 15 years. Bella didnt feel an ounce of pity for her mother. She was scared of being placed in foster care, not knowing that her birth father Charlie Swan had spent the last 15 years searching for her.

Charlie Swan lived a quite life as police chief of a small town called Forks in Washington state with his wife Sue and her 2 teeange children from her first marriage. Sue's husband Harry had been Charlies best friend for years. He had been killed by a drunk driver shortly after the birth of the twins Seth and Leah. Charlie always had a soft spot for Sue, It was a few years later that they began a relationship of there own. Leah and Seth never resented Charlie for that, They had no real recollection of Harry so Charlie was always just dad to them. Seth and Leah were like night and day. Seth was a gentle giant at 16 he stood at an impressive 6'4 he was all muscle and not in the obscene way that makes you want to vomit. He had short cropped jet black hair, dark skin and dark eyes to match. He could of been intimidating if it wasnt for the perma grin on his beautiful face. Leah on the other hand was hateful and vindictive finding any way she could to make those around her miserable. For being such a tiny girl she could sure mange to put the fear of god in you standing just over 5'3 and like her brother she had beautiful dark skin and deep brown eyes. She often kept her waist length black hair in a low bun.

As soon as Charlie heard of the accident involving Renee and found out the location of his missing daughter he was on the first plane out of Forks Washington to Phoenix Arizona. It had taken Bella months to start opening up even a little bit to her father and Sue. But as time went on Bella grew to adore Charlie and Sue, Even Seth. Leah had hated Bella from the moment she stepped into the house, finding any way she could to put Bella down just like Renee had done for so many years. Truth be told Leah was jealous and used belittling Bella as a way of making her self feel better. With the love and support of Charlie, Sue and Seth , Bella was able to gain enough self esteem to just let Leah's cruel words roll off her back.

Bella didn't have many friends at school but the few she had she held them close to her heart. Esme Platt had taken an instant liking to Bella there was no awkwardness to there relationship they just clicked right away. Esme came from a very wealthy family but her parents were never around instead of showing love they bought her anything her little heart desired, never understanding that all Esme wanted was to be loved. Along with Esme came her boyfriend Carlisle Cullen and his cousin Tanya Denali. All 3 of them were stunningly beautiful, Bella never really understood why they chose to become friends with her, but with time she grew to appreciate her own looks as she grew into her own skin. Her senior year of high school she had taken up dance with Esme. It was a decision that she would never regret, she gained grace as well as confidence in herself. She didn't need anyone else to tell her she was beautiful. As long as Bella loved herself it no longer mattered what others thought of her. They spent much of there time together through out high school even all leaving to attending the University of Washington together, Esme was going into interior design While Carlisle was going to medical school to be a pediatrician. Tanya was taking acting classes, It was her dream to be the next big thing in Hollywood. She had no problem using her body to get what she wanted, leaving a trail of broken hearts in her path, Bella never judged it wasn't her place, she always kind of felt sorry for Tanya feeling it was necessary to use herself that way. Bella had decided to be an English major, She had always wanted to write a book.

All through college Bella had worked hard on keeping her grades up while working a part time job at a little bookstore. In the very few free minutes she had Bella worked on her own book. It was a story of a young girl and her vampire protector. The actual plot to the story had come to Bella in a dream many years before, from that little dream an entire world came to life in Bella's imagination. It was in her junior year that she started sending copies of her book out in hopes of being published. It wasn't until almost graduation time her senior year that she received a call from Brandon publishing company. Alice Brandon the owner of the small publishing company had adored the few chapters of the book she was given and immediately wanted to get Bella under contract. After many negotiations Bella was well on her way to being a published author. Bella loved Alice's spirit from the first time she met the pixie like women, She was nothing like Bella had expected not quite standing 5'2 with heels on, bright blue eyes and crazy spiked black hair. She was a ball of energy no matter how early it was. During all the phone calls and meetings Bella and Alice grew to become very close friends. She learned Alice also shared a love for dancing along with a massive love for her longtime boyfriend Jasper Hale. Jasper was opposite of Alice in every way. Where Alice was Short Jasper stood just over 6'3. Alice was brimming with energy and Jasper was always so mellow. His bright blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair always made Bella think of a stoned out surfing hippie. Where Alice loved her books, Jasper was a tattoo artist and covered in ink and steel. Bella had always loved a man with ink. Guess what they say is true, everyone loves the bad boys. Some how the two just made it work. She had only seen love this strong once before with her Father Charlie and his wife Sue. She prayed one day she would find her other half. It was during this time that Alice had set Bella up with an editor for her book.

The first time she met _him _she was like a lovesick teenager. _He_ was one of the most beautiful men she had ever met. He was much Taller then Bella's 5'4 frame, standing just shy of 6'2 with broad shoulders and a gorgeous body. But it was his eyes that really got her, the oddest shade she had ever seen for eyes. Bella had never seen topaz colored eyes before. As the months went by they grew very close while _he_ was editing Bella's book. It wasn't until Bella's book was all done and ready to go to print that _he_ had asked her out. Without a second though she agreed. After that they were pretty much together all the time unless Bella was off doing a promotional thing for her book. If _he_ wasn't at her place she was at _his_. They often went out on group dates with Alice and Jasper or Esme and Carlisle. Sometimes even Tanya would tag along with her flavor of the month. Before Bella knew it _he_ was moving into her brand spanking new house she had bought after her book hit the New York times best sellers list. "Immortal Kiss" had been an overnight success making Bella quite a bit of money. She wasn't really in it for the money or fame, she just wanted to feel she had accomplished her dream. Regardless she never asked _him_ to move in, it just kind of happened. As much as it just kind of happened that shortly after that _he_ quit _his_ job wanting to pursue _his_ music. Leaving Bella to support _him. _It didn't bother her at first, she felt she was helping the man she loved to fulfill his dream just as she had with her books. But after a year of _his_ mooching and often not coming home for days at time Bella began to get fed up. It was during this time that she started to suspect something was amiss. Bella had called her brother Seth with her concerns, Seth had wanted to be a cop just like Charlie, but somewhere along the lines he had changed his mind. Seth now ran a thriving business with his boyfriend Jake. You guessed it they were the best Private Investigators in Seattle. Jake was a massive man 6'7 all muscle with his dark skin and eyes. But you would never meet a more loyal and genuine man then Jacob Black.

With one final glance at the pictures on her lap Bella wiped away her tears and looked up at her brothers sorrowful eyes.

Seth hated to see his sister cry, She had been so fragile when she came to live with them and it killed him to think she could revert back into her shell. But there was no way he was going to let that asshole get away with treating his baby bell this way.

With a wry smile on her tear stained face Bella had only one thing to say… "Well brother dear, lets show these bitches who the hell they are dealing with."

Bella knew what she was doing was wrong, but she really didn't give a shit at the moment, she wanted to humiliate _them_ just as much as they had done to her. With that thought in mind Bella jumped into her old beat up truck, yes she still had the same truck she had since being a teenager. She loved that damn truck and she wasn't getting rid of it till there was no other choice! As she drove to _his_ parents house she almost felt bad enough to not do as she planned… almost. _H_is parents never really cared for her so it was really no skin off her back to make them deal with this shit as well. It was twilight out side when she pulled up to the modest two story home. Perfect they should both be getting home from work in an hour. Bella had packed up _his_ clothes while _he _was supposed to be out of town on a interview for a band. Actually _he_ had been off fucking Tanya. Either way she wasn't about to give _him_ anything she had paid for so it really wasn't much that she had to pack up. On the way to _his_ parents house, Bella hadstopped off at Seth and Jakes to pick up her little surprise. Taking one last glance around to make sure no one would see her. Bella jumped out of her truck and grabbed the suitcase along with the posted sized pictures of _him_ and Tanya fucking against the wall in a dirty ally, another one of them in Bella's pool. By the time Bella had finished hammering down the pictures she was actually laughing so hard she was sure she would end up with wet pants.

As for Tanya's humiliation she had something just as funny in mind. See Tanya had no problem sleeping her way to the top, So far her acting career had gotten her no where so she was working as a secretary at the local hospital. Never one to let anything go that may be important later, every man that Tanya had been with had been taped or had his picture taken during the act just in case the pictures were needed later to get her something she wanted. Many of the men had no clue until Tanya felt she needed leverage for something. Now being friends with her, Bella was one of the few people that knew of the videos and pictures and exactly where they were kept. With the help of a hacker friend of Jakes, they were able to make a very nice slideshow out of Tanya's photo's and sent them to everyone of the people in Tanya's email mailing list.

_He_ had come crying to Bella shortly after getting an irate phone call from _his_ parents, stating he was drunk and it was an accident. Really she tripped and fell on _his_dick? Yea I'm not an idiot. As for Tanya her excuse was that she was trying to save Bella from the "idiot that's draining her dry". Bella wasn't buying that shit either. As far as she was concerned both of them could just fuck off and leave her the hell alone, she didn't need them. She had Jasper and Alice who stood by her side. It was a little strained with Carlisle and Esme at first. They were both on Bella's side but Carlisle couldn't really disown his own cousin, as much as he hated what had been done to Bella, Tanya was still his family._He_ just couldn't take no for an answer and for months he begged and pleaded _his_ case. Bella knew _he_ didn't really miss her per say but the life _he_ had when _he_ lived with her. She wasn't about to budge it was time that Ben Cheney got up close and personal with the stubborn side of Bella Swan. With the help of Jake and Seth they managed to scare the shit out Ben bad enough for him to finally see he wasn't going to weasel his way back into Bella's life. For the first time in along time Bella felt happy. She was 25, rich and had a close nit group of friends and a solid family that adored her.

**Six months later.**

"Alice I swear to god if you set me up on one more blind date with out even bothering to ask me first I will murder your happy little ass!"

In all her infinite wisdom Alice had decided Bella needed to get back out there and meet her soul mate just as she had with Jasper. First there was Mike Newton who still lived at home with his parents and worked the cash register at his parents sporting good store. Now nothing is wrong with that, but the fact he still had a curfew and had to check in with his mother every hour yeah that date ended before it even got started

Next came Tyler Crowley, He was a personal trainer at the gym that Alice went to. He was a good looking guy if you enjoy bulging muscles everywhere I mean really it was rather creepy how he kept making his Pecs bounce all through the date trying to be sexy with all the boob jumping and eye brow wiggling. He spent the whole date talking about himself and how great he was and how lucky Bella was to be out with him. By the end of the night she was ready to poke her own eyes out just to get out of there.

Last but not least the date she had just came home from was her last straw. James Hunter was an average looking guy, He wasn't much taller then Bella and had beady little brown eyes with long dirty blonde hair. The date had actually started off nice. James was a divorce attorney so conversation was actually quite interesting. It wasn't until they left dinner and headed to a karaoke bar that things had gone down hill. It just so happened on this night the theme was long lost love. The rest of the evening James had spent literally crying on Bella's shoulder over his ex girlfriend Victoria who had left him for his best friend Laurent. The date ended with Bella putting a still sobbing James in the back of a cab and sending him on his way.

Alice huffed into the phone.. "_Really Bella they weren't that bad."_

"_ALICE! No more! First it was a momma's boy, a meat head then you stick me with the hot mess snot boy? Am I really that pathetic that you think I cant do better then that?"_

By this point Alice's little giggles had turn into outright snorting laughter. It was infectious and Bella couldn't help but join her little Pixie friend in laughter. Once the laughing duo had settled down Bella sighed..

"_Sweetie, I know you are just looking out for me but this really has to stop."_

"_Bella I just want you to be happy. I know your one is out there somewhere but if your not looking how will he find you?"_

"_If its meant to be then we will find each other."_

"_Alright I will lay off… For now! But mark my words Isabella Marie Swan this isn't over! I'm just giving you a little calm down time before I find someone else!"_

"_Thank you Alice, I gotta hop off here and get some work done, I've been itching to get the sequel started to Immortal Kiss."_

Alice squealed so loud that Bella had to move the phone away from her ears.

"_Oh Bella! I'm so excited I've been waiting forever for you to get working on that!"_

"_Love you Ali, give Jazzy a hug for me!"_

"_Love you too babe!"_

As Bella stared at the blinking cursor on her screen her mind was a complete blank. She really had wanted to get started on this book, yet her muse was no where to be found. Giving up for the time being Bella decided to check her email to pass some time.. Junk mail.. Junk mail .. Chain letter.. Email from Renee, probably trying to mooch money, Renee had been released early for good behavior.. Yea that was almost laughable, more like the prison system was overcrowded and no other options. It wasn't the first time Bella had heard from Renee. Shortly after Immortal Kiss was published her mother had all the sudden shown a large interest in Bella's life. Quickly deleting all those she came to an email from an address she didn't recognize. Shrugging her shoulders she opened the email.

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
Date: February 23, 2011 9:38pm  
Subject: Forgive me?**

**Angie, Love! Please don't be mad at me! I cant handle you being mad at me. You know you're my favorite girl. I only went out with her to get her off my back I swear! She was only after me for one thing anyways you should know that. I left as soon as it was over. You cant believe everything you hear, You know I prefer brunettes anyways. She's not worth getting upset over, it was a one time thing that will never happen again. I'm swearing off all women but you! Please talk to me.I love you - E**

Bella just started dumbly at the screen for a few minutes before becoming irate! This asshole not only cheated but expected to apologize over an email for Christ's sake! Every since the whole Ben and Tanya thing Bella had a burning hate for cheaters! Deciding she needed an outlet she formed a reply.

**To: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
From: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
Date: February 23, 2011 10:02pm  
Subject: Forgive me not**

**So let me get this straight not only are you a cheater, but you're a dumbass one at that? Well I guess both go hand in hand so I should not of been so surprised. I mean really what kind of jackass cheats then sends an email as an apology and manages to fuck it up and send the email to the wrong person? That's what you get for being a coward and not taking it like a man and doing this "I'm an idiot but you should love me anyways speech." Whoever Angie is I really feel sorry for her! I've been in her shoes before and its no fun. **

**Men like you make it hard to believe that love is real and out is it so hard to be faithful? I will never understand people that don't give a shit about who is going to get hurt just as long as they get off! I believe there is a special place in hell just meant for cheating shits like you!**

Bella felt much better after clicking on the send button. After her little rant at the cheating asshole Bella felt lighter then she had since she had found out about Ben and Tanya. With her little adrenaline high from telling the cheating asshole off Bella decided to channel her inner angst on her new book. Anthony was going to leave Marie.

Rubbing her tired eyes Bella powered her cell phone back up and noticed the time. She couldn't believe it was almost three in the morning. She had really lost herself in the world of Anthony and Marie. Walking through the house shutting lights off and headed for her bedroom Bella checked her missed texts.

**Seth: Just checking in little sis.. Haven't heard from you in a few days.**

**Jake: Baby Bell call your brother he's wigging out thinking you have gone emo on us! *smoochies***

**Alice: OMFG girl! Jazzy just hired a new tattoo guy at the shop. He is fucking gorgeous. 6'3 of sex on a stick, brilliant green eyes and this crazy fuckhot bronze sex hair. No one compares to my Jazzy but he's damn near close!**

Rolling her eyes Bella climbed into king sized bed before shooting off her replies.

**Seth - chill out I'm fine, been working on a new book! Love you.**

**Jake - I'm not going emo don't get your panties in a bunch.**

**Alice - don't even think about trying to play pixie match maker again. I'm not interested. It was just earlier that you agreed to let me be!**

After sending off her message to Alice, Bella stared at her ceiling for a few minutes giggling quietly to her self thinking about her chew out session with the cheating asshole.

With a content smile on her face Bella drifted off to sleep.

As soft sunlight streamed through the window Bella slowly began to stir, She had been dreaming about Anthony and Marie again. It wasn't uncommon for Bella to dream about the characters in her book while she was in her writing mode, it often was the inspiration of her dreams that led the way for her books. Itching to get back to writing Bella sat down at her computer deciding once again to check her email before getting sucked into the wonderful world of fiction. She was quite surprised to see a new email from the cheating asshole. It was odd, but Bella was anxious to see what he had to say. With eager little hands she clicked on the email.

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
From: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
Date: February 24, 2011 10:36am  
Subject: Oops**

**Dear Ms. Cheater-Hater**

**I'm rather sorry you were at the receiving end of my email. Apparently I am a dumbass and not for the reason you so nicely accused me of being one for. You see the email I was going for was Bookwurm not Bookworm so my apology for that.**

**Now back to this cheating asshole business, Its quite lovely to see people looking out for those wronged in love! It's really none of your business who the email was to and what it was actually about. It's a good thing I was rather amused with your email and I'm having a good day so I will fill you in on a little secret.**

**First off the email was not to a wronged girlfriend. Angie is actually my sister. She was irate with me for going on a date with a women who is known and actually quite proud of her reputation for being a gold digger. Said women has been driving me absolutely bat shit crazy for the last few months trying to get her hooks into me. After one too many polite no thank you's, I gave in and accepted to be her date to a charity event. I figured that was safe enough! It was just as horrible as I thought it would be. After spending all night fighting off her advances watching her get drunker and drunker. By the end of the night thankfully she had passed out and I was able to get her home and get the hell out of dodge.**

**Second off I'm sorry you have went through shit with an ex? I agree that cheaters make believing in love hard. I have been there with my bitch of an ex. After 2 years together I came home early to surprise her only to hear "Oh yea Aro fuck me harder baby!" screamed out across my apartment. I was stunned stupid for a minute and just stood in the doorway like a total idiot. It was the mortified scream of Jane (the girlfriend) that brought me out of my daze long enough to kick Aro's ass and send him packing with Jane right behind him.**

**After that I was set up on too many blind dates that I had to put my foot down telling Angie no more! If I am meant to find my other half then it will happen. Sorry for spilling my life on you there lol. I'm not even really sure why I did other then the fact I don't know you. It makes it easier to spill ones guys when they don't have to look someone in the eye.  
Until next time Ms. Cheater-Hater**

**-E**

Bella just stared at her screen for a long time before she muttered..

"_Well shit….."_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** **You know the drill .. I dont own any of this i'm just taking them out for a ride.**

**And thank you for my very first reviews! I was really waiting on some hate mail :D And to all the people that added this story to favorites *Smoochies!***

**Enjoy!**

Bella felt like an ass .. No way around it she was a total shithead. She had been so sure once she had gotten even with Ben and Tanya that she had just simply moved on. Now thinking over her reaction to a simple email, yea not so much. Bella wasn't even sure why she felt the need to yell at the mystery man, she should of just ignored the damn email. She had always been a little too curious for her own good, now she was stuck trying to think of a good way to apologize to someone she didn't even know. What if he gets more pissed off at me? Then what? Is he going to hop through the damn screen and eat me? _"Jesus"_ Bella muttered to herself.. I have been watching way too much freaking TV. What's the worst he can do really, he doesn't know me, so its not like he's going to show up at my door and do god knows what to me for being a nosy bitch.

Bella's cell phone ringing brought her out of her slightly delusional thoughts, with out bothering to check her caller ID first she picked up her phone

"_Hello"_

"_Hello Bella Dear"_

Bella's face paled at the voice of the caller on the other end.

"_Renee… What the fuck do you want?"_

"_Now now is that any way to talk to your mother? You know the person that gave you life and took care of your whiney ass"_

"_You stopped being my mother a long time ago, You have to earn that right and you sure as shit haven't.. Now cut the crap what the fuck do you want"_

Renee sneered in to the phone .. _"You ungrateful little bitch! You owe me and I want what's mine!"_

Bella couldn't help it, as much as she tried not to do it there really was nothing she could do to stop her reaction for her mothers cruel words… Bella snorted at first just a little snort. But that was soon followed by her gut wrenching laughter.

"_Really Renee? I owe you for what? I don't owe you anything! Stay the hell out of my life!"_

Bella hung up her phone still giggling to herself. She had long ago gotten over the fact that Renee would never change. She made sure Bella was miserable, there was no way in hell that Bella was going to lift a finger now to help that woman. Did Renee do anything when her sleazy boyfriends would grope on Bella as she walked in the door from school? Of course not she laughed. Or the few times she was slapped around by the random crack heads that Renee kept around. Either way she was done thinking about her mother, Life was too short to dwell on the bad things.

Deciding a shower and some food was a good idea, she headed back to her bedroom to find something to wear. Bella never really cared much for fashion, if she saw it and liked it that was what she was going to wear! It didn't matter if it was from Wal-Mart of some stupid expensive name brand place.. Clothes are just clothes. Docking her IPOD she set to work finding something to put on while listening to some Kings of Leon.

Exactly 2 minutes later Bella was stepping into her shower having grabbed the first thing her hands touched to wear today. Some comfy old ripped boot cut jeans and a snug fitting Hello Kitty T-shirt.. Hey dont judge, Hello Kitty is fuckawesome. After a quick wash down with her freesia body wash and a rinse and repeat with her strawberry shampoo. Bella set off to her least favorite shower activity… shaving! Ugh sometimes it just sucks being a girl. I mean really how fair is that we have to shave so much! After shaving and rinsing her conditioner out, Bella stepped out of the shower, Of course she had no choice but to look at herself in the mirror that hung on the back of the door.

She often found herself trying to figure her own self out by looking in mirrors.. Maybe if she stared long enough at her own eyes she could find answers to questions that had not yet been asked. Moving past her bambi eyes and shoulder length mahogany hair, she may have had low self esteem when she was younger, but her body was not one thing she was worried about.. Never had been. Bella had always been thin but curvy with perky breasts. Looking down at the green gem and steel bar that adorned her nipples she let out a little snort. It was odd how every time she looked at her nipples she thought of Alice. It was that crazy ass pixie's power of persuasion that got her to get her nips done in the first place, Or maybe it was the bottle of Tequila they drank.. Who knows! Shrugging her shoulders Bella slipped on some soft cotton boy short underwear and a black lace brace before throwing on her clothes and heading to the kitchen to find some food.

After a quick breakfast, Bella headed to her laptop to get crackin on her new book. Well after she got around to making up for being an ass to Mr. Email-Dude. She still wasn't exactly sure what the hell to say to him but regardless she was going to apologize!

**To: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: February 24, 2011 11:28am  
****Subject: Re: Oops**

**Dear Mystery Man**

**You probably think I'm totally freaking insane right about now eh? I swear I'm not usually a nut job… Well ok I might be slightly off in the head.. *rolls eyes*. Anyways! I'm sorta kind of really sorry for calling you a cheating asshole. But really look at that shit from my point of view, did that not look like an asshole move?**

**I rarely yell at strangers promise! You hit the nail on the head by guessing I had a whorebag shit sucking mother fucking cheating ex (excuse me if my language gets to you, I have no verbal filter most the time). His cheating was bad enough, the icing on the cake you ask? It was with a girl I had been friends with for almost 10 damn years! Now I didn't walk in on them like you, sorry about that by the way that's gotta suck. Anyways I have the pictures burned into my brain, I wonder if I dump bleach on my eyes if it will make the images go away? He is the reason you are now privileged to get my rant. Seriously before I was duped I tried to never judge a situation till I had all the facts.**

**Now as my last act of showing how sorry I am for yelling at you, I'm going to tell you 1 embarrassing thing about myself. When I was in high school I was rather clumsy. (I grew out of that just incase your wondering) I was walking out of my Spanish class and sneezed, now that should have been no big deal right, just a sneeze. Wrong! Said sneeze made me lose my balance and trip on well air .. That again wouldn't of been so bad if I wasn't walking towards a door. I bet your starting to get a better picture in your head now huh.. Yup I sneezed, tripped, fell and smacked my face on the door, breaking my nose in the process! And with that my apology and make an ass out of myself session is over! So again I am really sorry for yelling at you.**

**-B**

Feeling much better about herself Bella sent off her email and grabbed her cell, checking her missed text messages.

_**Alice: Hey wanna hit up the club tonight? We are having a little welcome to the neighborhood party for Edward the new guy at the shop. *Giant pixie puppy dog pout***_

_**Esme: I'm getting married! I would of called but I hear your working your book mojo again so I didn't want to bother you! Call me!**_

_**Alice: Stop ignoring me!**_

_**Alice: Bellllllllllllla I know your there**_

_**Alice: If you don't answer me soon I'm going to have to come over there and drag your skinny ass out of the house.**_

_**Alice: Last warning…..**_

Rolling her eyes Bella noticed the last message was sent 5 minutes ago, knowing Alice if she didn't call her back soon there would be no stopping her from doing exactly what she said.. Dragging a kicking screaming Bella out of her house for some torture, Or as Alice likes to call it shopping..

"_Alice, really you act like it's the end of the world if I don't get back to you right away"_

"_Well excuse me for wanting to talk to my best friend!"_

"_Stop acting like a child and tell me what's so damn important that you have to annoy me with so many damn texts"_

Alice narrowed her eyes at the phone, she knew if she could just get Bella to meet Edward they would click. She had a feeling about this one.

"_I just want you to be there with us tonight, Edward doesn't know anyone from around here but his sister and her husband"_

"_Your not trying to set me up again are you Alice? I've already told you I'm not interested right now, I don't have time! Especially with me starting on Immortal Heart"._

"_I told you I wouldn't try to set you up for awhile" _Alice tries to hold in her giggles, what Bella doesn't know wont hurt her!

Bella huffed, she really knew there was no getting out of this one. _"Fine Alice I will go, but I swear to god the minute you start trying to play matchmaker I am out of there!"_

"_Alright Bella now we need to go g…."_

"_Hold that thought pix! I know what your going to say and I AM NOT GOING SHOPPING! I have too many damn clothes already no more! If you cant find me something to wear from my own closet then I guess I just wont go"_

"_But Bella…"_

"_No buts Alice that's my final offer"_

Glaring down at her phone Alice relented. _"Fine you win, I will be there by 8 tonight to get you ready, We are meeting Jazz, Edward, his brother-in-law and sister, also a few guys from the shop at Eclipse around 10"_

"_That works, love ya pix!"_

"_Love you too Belly!"_

"God I hate it when she calls me that." Bella said under her breath before grabbing her cell phone again to give Esme a call back.. After several rings she heard the click.

"_Hey its Esme, I'm either too busy for you or ignoring you! Either way I may or may not call you back!"_

"_Esme! Congrats sweetie! I'm so happy for you and Carlisle! Hit me back with the details soon as you can! Love you."_

Glimpsing over her shoulder checking the time Bella wondered what the hell she had done to pass so much time today, It was already almost 4! Deciding to get some work done before her torture session with Alice, she set about finishing up the chapter she had started on last night.

It wasn't her stiff back, or blurry eyes that pulled Bella away from her work. No it was the sound of Alice walking in like she owned the place, not even bothering to say hello to Bella before she went to work raiding Bella's closet.

Not really feeling like getting up just yet Bella yelled for Alice.. "Yes Alice I'm great.. Thanks for asking."

Alice didn't miss the sarcasm in her best friends voice, she only chose to ignore it.

"Glad to know your doing great, now get your ass in here"

Grumbling quietly to her self Bella heaved herself out of her chair and slowly made her way to her bedroom.. Or what should have been her bedroom it looked more like a hurricane went straight through a clothing store and spit it on her floor.

Spotting the pixie behind a mound of clothes she had to stifle a laugh picturing her friend as a puppy.. "Hmm I wonder if I throw that cute little top over there if Alice will play fetch with me" Bella mused to herself.

Alice peeked around the pile of close exasperated "There you are finally!"

Not bothering to give her a response Bella plopped down on the bed raising an expecting eyebrow at Alice.

"Here go put this on, then come back so I can fix that haystack on your head"

Looking down Bella was actually surprised she liked what Alice had given her to wear tonight. It was a cute bright pink and black striped sweater dress with a semi low cut neckline and a pair of stretchy black leggings. The best part? No heels tonight, but her favorite pair of low top pink and black chucks.

Two hours later after being poked, prodded, curled, and tweezed half to death, Alice and Bella were walking into Eclipse.

It wasn't long before they spotted Jasper, Alec, Demetri and Felix sitting at the bar nursing beers. Demetri , Alec and Felix were triplets who worked as tattoo artists at Jaspers shop "Civil War" cheesy I know right? Jaz always had a thing about war, so why not name his shop after it. The triplets looked very much alike from the short curly brown hair, all roughly 6' tall. The main difference comes when you get up close. Felix had dark brown eyes, Alec had Green and Demetri had blue eyes.

Bella always enjoyed talking to Demetri and Felix, it was Alec that gave her the creeps. He was always just abit too friendly for her liking and way to touchy feely with her. Deciding to just avoid him all together Bella made her way up to the bar to order a lemon drop.

None of the guys saw Alice and Bella approach, so Jasper was in for a big surprise when he felt someone jump on his back and wrap thin arms and legs around him. Before he had a chance to get pissed off she whispered into his ear.

"_Hey there cowboy, wanna give me a ride?"_ right before she bit down on his ear and hopped off his back.

"_Jesus B, are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack?"_

"_Aww lighten up Jazzy! I wanted a horsie ride"_

Alice looked on with a content smile on her face, she was never worried about the fast friendship between her Jasper and Bella.

"_Alright B, gimme my man back! I need some sugar before I drag you away to the dance floor!"_

As Alice got reacquainted with Jaspers tonsils Bella made her way over to say hey to the triplets.

Nodding her head at them "Felix, Demetri, Alec" Bella became mortified all the sudden thinking she probably resembled a bobble head. Deciding head bobbing was no longer cool she shook it off and gave a quick hug to each instead, making sure to only half way touch Alec for his.

After downing her shot Bella started chatting with Felix and Demetri till she felt an arm snake around her waste, and hot breath on her neck.

"When you gonna stop playing hard to get and have some fun with me beautiful"

Forcing herself not to gag and quickly wiggling out of his grasp Bella turned around.

"When are you going to learn that I'm not playing hard to get with you Alec?"

He just raised an eyebrow at her with a sickening little smirk on his face.

Before she could smack the little shit upside his head she was being dragged away to the dance floor by Alice. Bella knew there was a reason she was friends with Alice!

Squeezing through the mass sweating gyrating bodies they managed to find an open spot.

Bella was able to totally lose herself in the music, it was one of the main things she loved about dancing. She was able to let go and just be. There were no deadlines, no cheating assholes, no backstabbing friends .. Just music.

After half an hour of shaking her ass off Bella felt like she might just shrivel up and die if she didn't get something to drink. As she turned to yell at Alice over the music to let her know she was headed to the bar, a flash of curly strawberry blonde hair caught her attention.

Bella stood frozen for a minute, hoping she was hallucination and that it wasn't really the evil harpy standing at the bar.

Closing her eyes and counting to ten, Bella opened her eyes once more praying this wasn't happening. Sure enough there sat Tanya at the bar draped over some frat boy.

The only thought going through Bella's head was escape. It wasn't that she was scared of Tanya or that she had nothing to say. She didn't trust herself and really was not in the mood to end up in jail for ripping the bitch's hair out.

Looking behind her Bella found Alice quick enough, she had to let her know she was leaving. As much as she wanted to leave this second, she wouldn't leave Alice to worry about her.

"Alice.." She got no reply as Alice happily dance with her arms over her head and eyes closed.

With a grunt Bella made her way over to Alice screaming in her ear. "ALICE"

With a jolt Alice opened her eyes then narrowed them at her friend.

"What the hell Bella!"

"Not now pix, I have to go like now"

"What why? Edward isn't even here yet" Alice was really hoping Bella wasn't on to her about trying to set them up.

"I don't give a rats ass about Edward" She yelled at her little infuriating friend.

Bella sighed, she knew it wasn't Alice's fault her mood had gone straight down the shitter. "Alice.. Look at the bar"

Frowning slightly Alice looked over to the bar, all the sudden her eyes got as big as saucers , she quickly whipped her head around to look at Bella.

"Now do you see why I want to go home?"

"Bella, are you going to let her run you our of here? Why cant you just ignore her?"

Bella shifted slightly balling her hands into little fists …_ Come on you can do this just count to 10 cool down explain then get the hell out of dodge before you do something stupid._

After her little pep talk Bella turned to Alice..

"Ali.. I cant just ignore her, If I stay here I am going to do something stupid and end up in jail, Do you want to explain that one to Charlie?"

Charlie had met Alice on his last trip from Forks to visit Bella.. She had the chief wrapped around her little fingers within 5 minutes, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be upset with her for letting Bella get out of hand.

"Do you want me to come with you? I can let Jazzy and the boys know."

"No no you stay and have fun, I'm just going to head home and force myself to sleep, so I don't end up coming back here and dragging skankzilla out by her extensions."

Alice nodded her head while giggling over her friends short temper, then again if she was in Bella's shoe's she would of probably already been over at the bar with her spiky heel in Tanya's eye already.

With a quick hug and kiss on the cheek Bella was headed for the door making sure to keep her head down and try to blend into the crowd. It was one thing to get out of here with out Tanya knowing she was here, because if Tanya saw her and came over all bets were off.

She had almost made it out the door when she ran smack dab into a wall .. A wall that smelled really fucking good that also happened to have arms and was talking..

"Whoa there lil bit, you alright?" came a velvety voice right in her ear.

Bella had the sudden urge to clamp her knee's together because she was picturing her panties crawling right down her legs to go introduce themselves to Mr. Sex voice.

If she wasn't in such a hurry to get out of there she may of stopped and did some good old fashion eye fucking to see if the man matched the voice. But alas that wasn't in the cards for tonight.

With out bothering to look up she pushed past him with a mumbled apology.

Edward stared at the retreating form of the little brunette who plowed into him, he had noticed her shortly after walking into the door of the bar. She looked so beautiful and carefree on the dance floor. Had he of not got sidetracked by his brother-in-law Emmett he would of made his way over to her.

Shaking it off Edward made his way over to his co-workers. He hadn't even had a chance to say anything before an irate looking Alice came storming over.

"Son of a mother fucking goat whore sleaze bag!"

Unable to stop himself Edward threw his head back and let out a loud belly laugh. He had met Alice a few times, knew she was a little feisty, but never once had he heard anything close to what was spewing out of her mouth.

Alice turning her tiny body around to glare at Edward shut him up immediately.

Jasper sensing something was definitely amiss looked around for Bella. Curious as to why she wasn't here and why Alice was looking like her head might explode.

"Darlin'? What's got ya so fussed up, and where is Bella?"

"Damnit Jasper! That fucking skank bag home wrecking bitch from hell"

Now Edward had heard all about the "Wonderful Bella" and not once had he heard a bad thing about her. Now here he sat listening to Alice call her every name under the sun he was abit confused.

Jasper cocked an eyebrow at his tiny girlfriend knowing damn well she wasn't talking about Bella.

Grabbing Jaspers head Alice turned him to face the bar.

Edward watched on amused as Alice manhandled her boyfriend. Until he noticed the look on Jaspers face.. His jaw was tightly clenched , Back ram rod straight. Confused Edward turn his attention to the bar where Jasper was glaring.

"Mother fucker!" Jasper was pissed that was obvious.

Emmett never had been one for tact decided to get to the bottom of this instead of just gaping at the bar.

"Yo what's the issue here? Some one piss in your beer?" Emmett being Emmett totally missed the glare from Alice and Jasper.

Alice was fuming, pointing her finger towards the bar "That skanky bitch over there with the dress that looks like she got in the fucking toddler department is my fucking problem"

Alice went back to muttering words under her breath. Edward couldn't make out exactly what she was saying just bits and pieces of "skankzilla" "fucking friend my ass" "stupid 2-bit crab infested she beast." He gave up trying to figure it out and turned expectantly to Jasper for an explanation.

Jasper blew out a quick breath turning away from the bar.

"That skanky bitch would be Tanya Denali.. She used to be a friend of Bella's…" He just trailed off there getting himself worked up again thinking of what she had done to Bella, and had not felt an ounce of guilt over it.

Edward waited…

Alice took over for him..

"Bella and Tanya met in high school and became fast friends when Bella starting hanging around with Esme and her boyfriend Carlisle. Carlisle is Tanya's cousin. Anyways long story short 6 months ago Bella found out that Tanya had been fucking her boyfriend Ben."

Edward slowly looked back over to the bar where Tanya sat.. He didn't see the appeal at all.. She looked like she just came in from the nearest street corner. The red dress she was wearing barely covered her ass and was obscenely low in the front. Shaking his head and turning back to the conversation in front of him Edward couldn't help but wonder…

"So Bella couldn't handle to see her again?"

That did it.. Alice dropped her glare and busted up laughing, wiping her tears away she snorted one more time.

"Umm no Edward, you see Bella has a little bit of a temper problem" At this everyone around the table that knew Bella snorted at the term "little".

Demetri decided it was time to speak up .. "Let me guess, our little rocky had to leave before she killed a bitch?"

Alice shook her head laughing "Exactly"

Turning her head to look at Edward she really hated that he didn't get the chance to meet Bella.

"Edward you are going to love Bella when you actually get to meet her I promise!"

Alec decided to pipe in and add his 2 cents "Man why did she have to leave, I was hoping to take her home with me tonight, I know she's into me and that little pink and black dress she was wearing would of looked great on my bedroom floor"

**SMACK….**

Rubbing his head Alec glared at Alice "What the fuck!"

"You piece of shit! Leave her the fuck alone you know damn well she doesn't was shit to do with you and your man whoring creeper ways"

Storming off Alec went to find a warm body to fill his time till he could get _his_ Bella.

Now Edward was seeing red and he wasn't sure why. He didn't know Bella, but he sure as hell didn't like hearing someone talk about her that way.. He let himself believe he would feel the same about any female being talked about that way. Then something clicked in his head.

"Wait I'm pretty sure I got up close and personal with Bella before I came out here"

Alice just blinked at him..

"Shit that didn't come out right" with a nervous chuckled Edward explained.. "I was coming this way with Em when she ran smack into me, gave a quick apology and she was gone before I could really make sure she was ok"

Alice grinned at him "Sounds like Bella, I'm sure she had her head down counting to 10 trying to force herself away from the bar and out the door."

After settling down they were able to enjoy a nice time chatting and getting to know each other, Edward had never really gotten close to people he worked with before. He preferred to go in get his job done and get out. Jasper was different though, it was impossible to not like him.

After an hour of drinks and laughs, Edward was getting tired but gave in and decided to head to the bar for one last drink.

Tanya had been keeping a close eye on the man talking with Alice all night. If she knew Alice as well as she thought she did then she knew Alice would be sniffing around him for Bella. There was no way in hell she was letting Bella get her grubby little hooks into this sex god. She had spent most the night rubbing all over some random frat guy she met that night. When he took her into the bathroom and bent her over the sink she was picturing a different man.. A very different man one with wild bronze sex hair and a body that could make a nun need to hit confession.

Tanya had been watching and waiting.. She just needed a few minutes of him away from Alice and she could get her claws into that yummyness.. No one ever turned down Tanya Denali.

When she noticed him approach she quickly pushed frat boy away and crossed her legs, feeling them slide abit. She wasn't sure if she was so wet from getting a close up look at this god, or from the juices still running down her thighs from her bathroom romp with frat boy.

Tapping the bar waiting for his beer Edward was clueless to the dangers coming his way.

Tanya licked her lips, swaying her hips while she approached Mr. Yummy .. Trailing her bright red fingernails down his tattooed arm Tanya purred .. "Well hello there …" she waited hoping he would take it from there.

Edward gaped at her for a minute, now he was raised a gentleman so he couldn't just out right ignore her, as much as he really wanted to.

"Edward" he replied curtly.

Ignoring his tone Tanya began to trail her fingers down her own chest trying to get him to look at her. She just needed him to see how hot she was, then he would be all hers, she just knew it.

On his end of things Edward was doing his best to not gag, He may of puked a little in his mouth though.

"Well Edward, I'm Tanya and I am here to make all your little fantasies come true"

Edward laughed.. Not just a slight chuckle oh no this was all out fall off your stool hit the floor belly laughs. He couldn't believe this woman, did lines like that actually work?

Once he settled down Edward turned to Tanya leaning over and getting right next to her ear.

By this point Tanya was panting and pretty sure the juices from frat boy plus her new wetness were forming a little puddle at her feet. She couldn't wait to have him bend her over and pound into her from behind.

Edward smirked, he had her right where he wanted her.. Making sure to drop his voice to a low seductive murmur "Sweetheart, if I had fantasies about catching crabs, I would visit the ocean" With that he turned away from her grabbed his beer and walked away leaving a fuming Tanya behind.

Tanya was irate for all of 2 seconds before she realized he must not of wanted Alice to catch on that he wanted her. It was the only logical answer as to why he didn't take her like she knew he wanted to. She just had to wait a little longer, she was sure he would come around again and then she would take her prize.

After rejoining the table and giving them all a good laugh over his encounter with Tanya he finished off his beer said his goodbye's with a promise to call Angie and Em tomorrow, Edward was out the door.

Later that night as Edward laid in bed thinking about his day he couldn't hide the grin on his face. He wasn't thinking about Jasper or any of the guys from the shop. Nor was he thinking about Alice or Tanya, hell he wasn't even thinking about the cute little brunette that plowed into him that night. No the grin on Edward Masen's face was caused by one person only..

His little cheater hating Bookworm… He wondered what she would think of his little encounter tonight at the bar. Not wanting to give her the wrong impression of himself he decided that was a story best saved for a later time. For there was no doubt in his mind that he would be contacting her again in the morning to reply to her latest email.

**Little side A/N .. The bit about the sneeze broken nose bit? Yea thats actually a true story lol .. Thank god it didnt happen to me, but it did happen to my 9th grade spanish teacher! I'm pretty sure I would of found a new place to teach after that one.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I do not own Twilight, I just use them for my amusement!**

**Thank you for the reviews! Enjoy!**

Bella sat at her computer, twirling her chair round and round till she was almost too dizzy to see straight before flinging her dart across the room. With a satisfied smile she turned back to her computer to get a little work done while she was in high spirits.

After returning home from the bar last night, she had almost turned right back around to have a nice little chat with Tanya, but after a stroke of pure genius on her part Bella had a better idea.

She had raced to her room digging in her closet till she found an old box hidden behind all the ugly Christmas sweaters, and other random things she had no real use for. When she found what she was looking for in the box she carefully scanned the item into her computer, blew it up, printed it out and hung it on her corkboard..

Who knew making a dart board could be so therapeutic. The picture she had chosen of Tanya was priceless. It had been a candid shot of Tanya deep throating a polish sausage at a street fair we attended. So with her big ass mouth Bella had found her Bull's-eye.

Bella had spent a good hour throwing darts at Tanya's face till she was calm enough to get a little sleep. She had briefly wondered if she threw a dart at the real Tanya if she could pop one of her fake boobs. Bella had quickly dismissed that thought before she headed back to the bar to test her theories out. Before she could get to into that frame of mind her text message alert saved Tanya's fake boobs.

_**Seth: Want to get together and have dinner with us tonight?**_

_**Bella: I don't know who is cooking you or Jake?**_

_**Seth: I'm hurt! You don't like my cooking? *cries***_

_**Bella: Cut the shit brother of mine, Your not brave enough to try your own cooking!**_

_**Seth: Fine! I see how you are.. You broke my heart, I hope your happy you big meanie head**_

_**Bella: What are we 5? Did you seriously call me a meanie head?**_

_**Seth: *Sticks tongue out***_

_**Bella: Aww you poor baby! What time?**_

_**Seth: 7:30ish works for us. See ya then little sister.**_

_**Bella: Love you big brother!**_

_**Seth: Sure sure me too**_

Figuring it would be a good idea to pick something up to take with her that evening Bella headed off to the grocery store. While Bella was browsing apples for her apple pie she was going to make for the evening, she felt a slight tug on her pants leg.

Looking down Bella noticed a little boy, no older then 6 or 7 with jet black hair and large brown eyes staring up at her.

"Hello" Bella said uncertain as to why this little kid was bugging her.

"Hi! My names Eric Yorkie, what's you?

Bella blinked "Bella" she muttered

"Your hot"

Bella blushed and stammered out "Ummm your welcome?"

"My daddy said older women are awesome between the sheets, I didn't know what he meant but I figured I might give it a shot" Eric responded innocently.

Bella tried to hold in her laughter .. "That's nice.."

"So do you wanna ya know get between my sheets?"

"…"

"Maybe you can make my bed for me?" Eric smiled

Bella giggled "I don't think so"

"Why not .. Daddy has the neighbor lady do his sheets while mommy is at work"

Bella snorted .. "I have my own sheets to take care of, maybe you should tell daddy not to be lazy and keep the neighbor away from his sheets."

Before he could ask anything else Bella waved and quickly walked away. Hoping to finish her shopping before she ran back into Eric.

An hour later Bella was just about to pull up her latest chapter, before she decided to check her email instead. Bella may have squealed just a little bit when she noticed a new email from her mystery man. As long as no one is here to hear it, said squeal never happened.

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: February 25, 2011 8:47am  
****Subject: Hmmm…**

**So after all the stuff you said to me you actually expect me to just say ok, what because your sorry? Didn't you ever learn to think before you speak, or in our case think before you type?**

**-E**

Bella stared blankly at her screen, that was so not the response she had expected. Sure Bella didn't think it would be all rainbows and unicorns, but this was just straight up mean! His first email gave her every right to think the worst of him! Granted it wasn't her place to judge, but regardless if he didn't want her opinion he should of double checked to make sure he had the correct damn email!

Again with the temper induced tears, Bella was just about to send him a not so nicely worded email when she noticed she had another email from Mr. Fuck-Face. Yes he had a new name now.

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: February 25, 2011 9:01am  
****Subject: *Whistles innocently***

**I couldn't resist, you seem to have a wee bit of a temper problem.. Did I manage to get you plotting my demise? Really there is no need to apologize. I will be the first to admit that email made me sound like a real douche. My sister is still laughing at me over getting chewed out by a strangers for being a cheating asshole. **

**Sorry to hear about your "whorebag shit sucking mother fucking cheating ex." I'm pretty sure that I got his name right? If you want my opinion, I would avoid anything involving bleach and your eyes. Never a good combination I'm sure. Unless you take the bleach to said whorebag shit sucking mother fucking cheating ex. It may not help you forget the images, but it sure as hell would make you smile. That makes me sound morbid doesn't it? I swear I don't burn puppies and drown kittens on my free time… usually…. *cackles evilly while twirling his handlebar mustache.***

**I guess turn about is fair play, since you told me the horrid sneeze door nose breaking story, it is only fair if I tell you 1 thing that was more mortifying then embarrassing. So let me set the stage for you. I don't normally do body piercing but I am certified to. This wasn't really by choice its just the last place I worked it was required of all employees to have this certification in case the actual piercing dude couldn't make it in.**

**So I was on vacation visiting a buddy of mine who happens to own a tattoo shop, while I was there his piercing guy called off leaving my buddy in a bind. Me being the fuckawesome friend that I am, told him I would fill in. I had spent a few hours doing normal piercing.. A few noses, some eyebrows, a shit ton of tongues.. Typical easy shit. Now I really hate to do piercing's but if I had to choose those would be the ones I stuck with. I had managed to lull myself into a false sense of comfort.**

**I was just finishing up a belly button when in walks a women that looks like she hasn't taken a shower in at least a week, maybe more.. No lies. I'm snickering to myself thinking its freaking great I don't have to tattoo her. Yea Karma is a bitch I should of kept my mouth shut, because guess what? She wants a fucking piercing. Not just any piercing because no that would be too easy, she wants her clit pierced! For this kind of piercing I have to take her in the back room off the main floor so her shit isn't all hanging out.**

**On the way to the backroom her stench is about to make me revisit my Taco Bell lunch, it doesn't help that she has grabbed my ass at least 3 times on "accident". Once I finally get her into the room mentally preparing myself for this. By the time I turn around she is naked from the waist down spread all out. She is straight up eye fucking me with no shame, she licks her lips bats her eyelashes at me before she asks the question that sends me straight out of the fucking room. Want to guess what she asked? Forget guessing I'm just going to tell you to get it over with before I go puke. True story she looks me straight in the eye and says "Do I need to take this tampon out or can you work around the string? Or maybe you could take it out for me?"**

**Also apparently me running from the room didn't give her a clue, because when I went back in to clean the room there was a slip of paper on the piercing chair that said "Call me xoxo - Rosalie" with her number and home address on it! Since then I have refused to work at any place that requires me to pierce people, I'm pretty sure I need a shit load of therapy after that.**

**I think we are even now! Until next time Ms. Sneezy**

**-E**

After changing her panties from her laughter induced pee, Hey don't act like that's never happened to you before! Bella didn't know if she was more amused or grossed out by mystery mans story. It sure as hell made her feel better about her broken nose sneeze.

Bella was a little competitive, so she couldn't just let it go with them being even, she was going to have to think hard about something to top his story. Deciding instead of emailing him back right away, she would call Esme again instead.

"_Hello?"_

"_Hey Esme! Congratulations again.. I cant believe he finally did it!_

"_Oh Bella I was starting to wonder myself"_

As much as Bella loved Esme, she was dreading the wedding. As if Esme could read her mind she said the one thing I was hoping she wouldn't.

"_Now I want you to be my maid-of-honor Bells! I have to warn you though.."_ Esme paused.. Trying to think of the easiest way to break the news to Bella.. _"Tanya is one of the bridesmaids.."_

Bella contemplated if she could hide darts in her dress and randomly throw them at Tanya with out people noticing at the wedding. Brushing that aside she just had to remind herself that this was about Esme, not about Bella.

"_Esme.. I would be honored to take on that role, and I promise I will try to behave"_

Esme hated doing this to Bella, but she wasn't given much of a choice. Carlisle's mother had pretty much demanded it.

"_That's all I can ask sweetie, you know I wouldn't do this to you if I had another choice"_

Bella knew this, Esme hated to hurt people especially Bella.

Bella sighed _"I know that Esme, I'm almost positive I can behave though, I saw her last night at Eclipse and managed to force myself out the door before I could introduce her face to the bar."_

Esme giggled _"I'm so proud of you Bella, I hate what they did to you.. But you are so much better with out Ben!"_

Bella rolled her eyes, but smiled _"I know I am, doesn't mean I don't want to kill them both though"_

"_I know you do .. Oh I got another call coming in I'll talk to you later B"_

"_Bye Esme"_

Decided that work was just not going to happen at the moment, Bella decided to write her mystery man. Bella really had no idea why she felt the possessive need to call him _her_ anything. Choosing to ignore those nagging thoughts Bella pulled up her email instead.

**To: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: February 25, 2011 3:28pm  
****Subject: Ass monkey**

**Dear Mr. I-Think-I'm-So-Funny**

**That was a bitch move! You are correct in the assumption that I had been thinking of ways to bodily harm you… *Innocent Smile* I think I like this sister of yours, What fun is life if you cant laugh at other people?**

**The whole putting bleach in the whorebag shit sucking mother fucking cheating ex's eyes sounds promising. Well scratch that no it doesn't, because then I would actually have to see him again to do that. Wonder if I could hire someone to do it for me? Like instead of a hit man maybe a bleach man? Damn now I really wish I knew someone in the mob! My brother is a Private Investigator, maybe he knows some one! Ohh soo many possibilities so few to choose from that wont turn me into being someone's bitch in prison while I'm serving time!**

**So yea I'm not sure if I'm more amused or disgusted by your piercing story. I'm pretty sure I would of ran from the room as soon as I heard piercing and clit in the same sentence from stinky chic. I have to one up you on mortifying stories though, its just how I roll!**

**When I was in fifth grade we had a Christmas program… For a month, everyday after lunch we would spend an hour in the auditorium practicing. The day that our performance was we practiced for our hour after lunch, then the entire school (grades 1-6) came down to watch our program. That was supposed to prepare us for what it would be like that night with all our families there to watch.**

**Now I never liked to be in front of a lot of people but tried not to get too worked up over it. I was very nervous during our practice, but managed to pull myself together. Once the whole school filed in and got all sat down we started our program. This is where the mortification starts.**

**About half way through the first song I started to feel a little sick, nothing major just a little tummy ache. On our second song with no warning I barfed.. I'm not talking just a little .. I'm talking straight projectile vomit all over the row of kids in front of me! It didn't stop when I ran out of the auditorium, nor did it stop while I was running down the hall.. I managed to puke all the way to the principles office! The kid that was right in front of me never really talked to me again after that. Cant say I really blame him, since most of my puke went straight into his hair.**

**Try and top that one!**

**-B**

Having no inspiration to write, and Alice not answering her phone Bella decided to pay Jasper a visit at work to make sure the pixie hadn't done something stupid the night before to Tanya.

After bundling up and hopping in her truck Bella headed out to the shop.

Stomping the snow off her feet Bella pushed the door open only to stop short looking at the retreating form she saw heading into the back room trailing behind a bleach blonde girl.

It wasn't blondie that had drawn her attention though, it was the tall man with a fuckhot ass and bronze sex hair. She could only assume this must be the new guy Edward. She kind of just wanted to lick him.

She was never really the type to go all crazy over a man. Sure she could drool with the best of them, but a pretty face wasn't a free pass in her book. So the thought of licking this stranger was a little bit of a shock to Bella. Maybe it would be ok if she skipped the licking and just played with his hair? Yes that thought made her feel slightly less creepy.

Bella was so intent on staring at his retreating form, she didn't realize she had started walking again till she tripped on a cord, and landed face first in Demetri's crotch. She quickly tried to stand only to realize her hair was caught in Demetri's zipper.

Bella heard a low chuckle, trying to see where it was coming from only caused her to almost yank her hair out, and yelp from the sting. All the while Demetri wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or moan with her wiggling her little head all over his crotch.

Demetri decided he rather liked his manhood, choosing not to laugh or moan till Bella's head was safely out of his crotch. He couldn't resist teasing a little bit, making sure to cross his fingers first and pray she didn't head-butt him.

"Umm Bella, You could of just said hello" Demetri murmured

"I suggest if you want to keep your little peen intact, you shut the fuck up and help get me damn hair loose!" Bella spat at him.

"Turn your head to the left.. Ya just like that.. Oh yea baby just the w…"

**SMACK….**

Demetri paled and spluttered when he felt the sting of a swift junk punch from Bella. When he was finally able to not feel like he was going to puke or pass out, he decided it would be best to keep his mouth shut and get her hair free.

Edward had been heading back to do yet another tramp stamp tattoo on a bubble gum brain college student when he heard the commotion behind him. He had turned just in time to see lil bit from last night that he now knew as Bella fall straight into Demetri's lap. He couldn't help but chuckle even from here, and her hair blocking most of her face he could see her face was bright red.

Once he saw they seemed to have everything under control he continued his way to the back room.

The slight humor was lost as soon as Edward entered the room. Lauren his next client had been a pain in the ass from the moment she walked into the shop. Trying to sway her hips and bat her eyelashes at him. Edward was sure in her mind she was talking in a seductive manner, but to Edward she kind of sounded like a cat with a fur ball stuck in its throat.

She was getting script on her lower back, He had to work very hard to keep a straight face when she told him what she wanted .. "Put Hands Here." He wasn't sure about that one, and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask her.

Lauren had heard all about this Edward guy from her friend Tanya, she just had to come check him out for herself. When she realized how hot he was, she decided to say screw Tanya, she was taking this guy for herself.

Lauren licked her lips "You have beautiful hands, I bet those fingers are magic"

Edward puked a little in his mouth .. "Mm Hmm can you turn around please ma'am"

Lauren wiggled her ass "No need to be all formal" she purred "Call me Lauren"

Edward gagged " Learn forward and pull the back of your pants down just a little"

Lauren whimpered "Mm you don't waste any time do you"

Edward was pondering justified homicide .. "Lean forward" he grunted.

Lauren already knew his name, but didn't want to let on so she decided to change tactics a little .. "So sexy what's your name?"

Edward rolled his eyes "Mufassa"

Lauren started to wonder if she was going to leave a wet spot on the chair, she was dripping just from the sound of his voice. " Ohh I bet you're a real tiger" Lauren meowed

Edward wasn't about to explain that Mufassa wasn't a tiger.. "Stay still ma'am"

Lauren knew he didn't really mean it, so she starting rubbing on the chair causing her jeans to create the friction she so wanted.

Edward gaped at her. Again going back to pondering justified homicide.

"Ma'am would you please stop violating my chair."

Lauren giggled "No need to be jealous, there is plenty of me to go around"

Deciding just to get this over with Edward began her tattoo. He may have pushed the needle a little harder then really necessary.

Twenty excruciating minutes later he was finally done. A few minutes into the tattoo Lauren had stopped rubbing the chair like a cat in heat, but Edward wasn't about to push his luck taking any more time then needed.

Lauren just knew by the way he was touching her that he wanted her just as bad as she wanted him not willing to let this pass up Lauren crept up behind Edward while he was cleaning his gun, running her fingers through his delicious hair ..

"So I can tell that your really into me, how about you give me your number so we can.." Lauren moaned into his ear "Do something way too pleasurable."

Edward smirked grabbing a pen and a some tracing paper. Wrote down his name and number winked at Lauren then walked out of the room.

Lauren was so excited and horny she decided a quick trip to the bathroom before she left to finish off what she started in the chair was in order.

Moans and groans could be heard all through the shop. No one dared move or say anything till at last the moaning and groaning stopped after a final shout of **"OHHHHH YES MUFASSA!"**

Not bothering to wash her hands or clean up, Lauren put her pants back on and walked out. Before leaving the shop she turned and winked at Edward while adding his number to her phone.

When the door closed behind her the shop fell into hysterical laughter. Edward wondered how long it would take Lauren to realize he gave her the number for the local Center for Disease Control.

By the time Edward had wiped away his last tear caused from his laughing fit, he looked around noticing that Jasper and Bella were no longer there. Shrugging his shoulders he went out working on his next client. Figuring he would eventually get to meet the elusive Bella Swan.

Shaking off his thoughts on lil bit Edward went back to checking his supplies for the day. As he re-stocked his thoughts drifted back to his little bookworm. There was something special about her, maybe it was her honesty or her passion that drew him in. Regardless of the reasons she intrigued him and that was something a woman hadn't done to him in a long time.

Edward had never really dated much, he wanted love not random flings. He knew that wasn't what he had with Jane, but he thought maybe in time they could get things on the right track. Since her though Edward had yet to meet anyone that could hold his attention. Sure he had been on a few dates but all the girls he seemed to meet had shit for brains. Was it really to much to ask for humor and brains? Edward didn't think so.

He wanted a relationship like his sister Angie had with Emmett. Edward and Emmett had met when they were 15. For the first few years Angie had hated Emmett, he was a lovable guy but cocky as hell, and that was one thing that had just turned her off right away. Of course she had no idea he was only acting like that to get her attention. It wasn't until Em's mom got remarried and he started spending a lot of time over at Edwards that Angie really got to know him. They had been together since then. Still sickly in love after all these years.

Edward couldn't help but be a little jealous, he was happy for them sure but he wanted that kind of relationship. Don't let the ink and steel fool you, Edward Masen was a romantic through and through.

Shaking out of that train of thought, Edward went about finishing up his restocking before his next client came in.

The rest of the day passed quickly for Edward, thankfully the rest of his clients that day had been male.

After stopping to pick up some Kung Po chicken for dinner, Edward spent the next few hours lost in a haze of random video's on the internet. He had wanted to check his email right away, but Edward knew if he had a new email from his Bookworm the rest of his evening would be spent thinking of her.

Edward figured it was late enough now that he could check his email and not feel bad for obsessing over her for the rest of the night.

Two things happened by the time Edward was done reading her latest email.. First off he was slightly grossed out, but that was way over shadowed by being more then just a little turned on. Something about her dirty little mouth had him wound tight.

Looking down Edward figured his not so little problem wasn't going to just cure itself, and thinking about dead puppies or his gran naked just wasn't working either. Giving up the fight Edward quickly stripped down and headed to the shower.

Edward had no idea what his little bookworm looked like, so at first as he stroked and squeezed the images he conjured up were generic hands a hot little mouth on his neck. Sweet breath in his ear.. Slowly the images shifted and changed as Edward stroked harder and harder getting lost in his own mind. Brown hair fanning down his chest, tickling him .. Sweet kisses down his chest.. As the coil in his stomach tightened the image shifted again. Edward found himself looking down on large bambi like brown eyes .. With no warning Edward exploded all over his hand.

"_Holy fucking shit what was that.."_ Edward muttered to himself.

Cleaning himself up, Edward felt slightly disgusted with himself for subjectifying his little bookworm, or hell even Bella that way. Usually Edward never thought of faces with his jerk sessions.

Edward couldn't bring himself to email her back tonight. It's not like she knew what he had just done but Edward was paranoid. He tends to ramble when he gets like this and knowing his luck he would start to rant and ramble, and accidentally let it slip that he just whacked off thinking about her while picturing a woman he hadn't met yet. Ya that would go over real well.

Edward climbed into his large bed that night and as he was drifting off to sleep his mind kept locked on his little bookworm with images of Bella dancing behind his eye lids…

Right before sleep took him for the night Edward murmured ..

"_I'm fucked… so very fucked.."_

**A/N The puking program bit is another true story .. Sadly that one actually did happen to me lol**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: As always I do not own Twilight or any other random things you might see in this fic. Also thank you again for the reviews! They make little puppies in China happy!**

Bella laid in bed the next morning thinking over her lunch with Jasper, she couldn't help but let out a small giggle. After she had finally managed to get her hair out of Demetri's zipper and stood trying to tame her out of control blush. She had quickly turned to the hallway trying to get a glimpse of Edward, but luck was not on her side as he was already gone.

As for Demetri, as soon as Bella had her hair out of his zipped her had immediately hobbled out of the room and refused to come back out until Bella was gone. He wasn't about to risk his manhood for being stupid.

Felix had found this whole situation hilarious and would be taking every chance he could to tease his brother about it.

Alec was irate, Bella was_ his_! She had no right rubbing against his brother like that. Maybe she was just doing it to make Alec jealous? Yes that was it, once Alec realized what was going on he was much calmer. Alec knew very soon that Bella would get tired of playing hard to get. When she did he would be ready to claim what was _his_.

Bella's time spent with Jasper was fun as it usually was just catching up on each others lives. She was glad to report that Alice had not gone psycho pixie on Tanya the night before, even if she would of really liked to see Alice lay into Tanya. She had a sudden mental picture of Alice climbing Tanya like a monkey and throwing poo at her.

Bella had spent a good while trying to think of a way to bring up Edward into the conversation, not that she was interested in him or that's at least what she was telling herself. That didn't make her any less curious about the new addition to the shop though. She was just looking out for her friends! Yes Bella enjoyed living in denial, its nice you should try it some time.

Thankfully Jasper didn't make her ask or squirm, he brought up Edward all on his own. Once he had told her the story of Tanya and how she had acted the night before with Edward, Bella again found herself on the verge of tracking Tanya down with her trusty darts.

She felt a heat spread across her chest hearing how Edward had shot her down. She didn't really understand why it warmed her so much to know he had turned her down, but regardless it touched her. It also thrilled her that Tanya had been rejected by someone.

One of the many things Bella loved about Jasper was he never pried. She didn't have to worry about him taking a notice in her interest over Edward. He was her zen little shrink, He would listen but only give his input when asked. She also knew he wouldn't mention it to Alice if she didn't want him to. They both knew that once Alice got an idea in her head there was no stopping her.

After that she had gone home and got a little bit of writing done before making the stuff to take to Jake and Seth's house that night for dinner.

For as much whining that Bella had done over actually going, she really was excited. She loved Seth and Jake more then just about anything in this world. They were home to her, she found her peace in the small things they had to offer. It may of just been a simple hug, a note when she was down or even a bright smile sent her way, but to Bella it was everything.

Seth was the best brother she could of asked for and Jake was the kind of loving sister she never had. Yes Jake may have been born male, but he was all female in personality. It was rather hilarious to Bella to first time she really took a close look at how Jake acted. Something about seeing this giant man prance around was priceless.

The evening had been pleasant enough, even with the heart to heart she had with Seth. He had pulled her aside shortly after dinner to have a little chat with her, it had been awhile since they had one of there talks.

Bella had a small smile on her face thinking back to the talk they had shared last night.

Seth shoulder bumped Bella. _"Want to get some air B?"_

Bella was a little suspicious but agreed none the less "_Sure Seth, let me grab my coat."_

After both siblings had bundled up and headed out the door, Seth was deep in thought trying to think of a way to bring this up with out hurting her feelings or coming off as over bearing.

Shrugging it off Seth decided to just jump in. _"I'm worried about you B, You haven't really dated much since Ben, I know it hasn't been that long since you broke up. I'm just worried you wont be able to move on and trust again."_

Bella forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat before she could say anything. _"Seth"_ she sighed _"I know your worried, but there is no reason to be. I've been busy with the book it has nothing to do with trust. I know what Ben and Tanya did wasn't my fault."_

_"I heard you saw her at Eclipse..." _Seth raised an eyebrow at his sister.

Bella giggled. _"I sure did, I didn't have the urge to run in the bathroom and slit my wrists if that's what your thinking! Although I did make sure to get out of there fast. I was worried I would end up in jail if I hung around."_

_"Ahh man! I would of paid to see you show her a thing or 2 about messing with a Swan!"_

Bella looked at him in question, that wasn't what she expected him to say at all.

Seth smirked _"What? You know as well as I do she deserved to be knocked down a peg or 50. I don't want you in trouble but it may have been worth it to see you put her ass in place."_

Bella nodded her head in agreement. _"But I am serious Seth, I'm really ok. I'm sure when It's meant to be I will meet someone. Until then I'm not really looking but not avoiding it either. I mean look I let Alice send me on a few dates!"_

Seth tripped at the mention of those dates, with sarcasm clear in his voice he couldn't not tell her his opinion on those dates.

_" Really? You are seriously going to use that as an excuse? If I recall correctly... One needed to cut the cord from his momma, One couldnt stop checking him self out on his butter knife to notice he was even on a date, and i'm pretty sure you still had snot in your hair the next morning from your date with the lawyer."_

Bella snorted she had no retort to that one.

_"But sis, if you say you are really fine then I will lay off.. I just want you to be happy."_

Bella reached over hugging her brother and murmured in his ear "_I know you do. I really am fine, I may not be jumping up and down happy, but I am happy."_

With a quick kiss on the cheek the tension and seriousness of the conversation was over. They managed to have a banter filled trip back to the house where the spent the rest of the evening watching old horror movies before Bella headed home to get some sleep.

With Bella's mood being so good this morning she had tons of little idea's floating around in her head that she needed to get down before something happened to spoil her mood. Jumping out of her bed and grabbing her IPOD, Bella headed off to get some work done.

Hard as she tried Bella just couldn't keep her mind from drifting. Several times she would have to shake herself to stop her thinking about her Green Eyed Devil. She didn't know much about him really but something about him pulled her in. Maybe it was his honesty or at least she hoped he was being honest with her. It could have been the fact that he had no problem telling her his embarrassing stories to make her laugh.

Bella felt for the first time she could actually talk to someone with no worries, She wasn't worried about what she looked like, or if she had food stuck in her teeth. She could just be with no judgments. Sure she had Alice and Esme, but as much as she loved them they had a bad habit of meddling. Sometimes Bella just needed to vent or a good laugh for no other reason then that's what she wanted.

It could also be the fact that he had been through what she had. He knew what it was like, that was something her friends and family wouldn't understand.

Giving up on her work Bella decided she might as well check her email since her obsession wasn't letting her get anything done.

Bella jumped up and did the cabbage patch when she noticed a new email from her devil .. Glancing around making sure her curtains were closed she added the running man in for good measure.

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: February 26, 2011 10:22am  
****Subject: Re: Ass Monkey**

**Dear Ms. Spewer,**

**I'm sad to say I am fresh out of mafia connections, they have moved on to swim with the fishes. Or maybe they are playing with the puppies and kittens I may or may not of burn and or drowned. **

**Your puke fest story was a pretty good one, but I am pretty confident that I can top that one.**

**A little back story first. My sister Angie is married to my best friend Em, we have known each other for years and have always had small prank wars. It started off small enough ya know innocent stuff like me putting super glue all over the toilet seat when I knew he would be heading in there next. The older we got the more extreme the pranks became.**

**A few years back I was teaching a kick boxing class at the gym we worked out in. So I was abit of a supplement freak when I was working out hard core. I even had a little container that held all of my supplements in there for each day of the week. Never bothered to really look at them each morning just opened up that days tab popped them in my mouth and downed them with some water.**

**I learned my lesson to NEVER do that again.**

**It started out like any other morning. Em showed up to go to the gym with me, I took my supplements and headed out the door to grab some breakfast first.**

**The first sign something was wrong came shortly after our waitress took our order. She was a cute girl, waited on me every time I came in but nothing more then that. Except this day she walked past and I quickly realized the twitching in my pants. Like I said she was cute but really not my type, and I had never had a reaction to her before. I shrugged it off not thinking much about it. Ate as quick as I could and got me and Em the hell out of there while picturing my wrinkly old great aunt doing the backstroke.**

**By the time we had reached the gym, things in my pants had seemed to of finally calmed down. Either way I kept my head down and went straight to the locker room to change. Another mistake on my part because let me tell you bike shorts hide NOTHING.**

**As soon as I walked out of the locker room and looked up to see all the half naked girls working out around me I had to turn right back around into the locker room. By that point I was so hard I could of cut glass, not to mention it was freaking painful as hell. Again this is not a normal reaction for me, sure I find girls hot but I'm not a damn teenager I can control my hormones!**

**By this time I am seriously thinking about just turning around and going home, but decide against that instead I threw back on my jogging pants and a normal shirt. Hoping that could cover anything that's going on down south.**

**I've quickly realized that there is no way in hell I can actually teach class with the monster in my pants, so I have to fake an injury and just lead by telling instead of showing.**

**I cant even look at the girls in my class for fear of wonder peen jumping straight out of my pants to say hello. All the while Em is just sitting back with a shit eaten grin on his face. It still hadn't clicked into my brain that he had something to do with this, then again all my blood had left my brain and went straight to my dick.**

**I had managed to finally get him under control and back down at least half way when the class is ready to be dismissed. But of course on this day there is a straggler, now this chic had annoyed me every since she started my class, never really getting the point I didn't want to date her. So when she came up to me after class and started rubbing down my arm, I may have been disgusted with her but Mr. Wonder Peen sure wasn't at the moment.**

**Wouldn't ya know it she happened to look down, Hence giving her the impression I was totally into being molested by her. With no regards to me personal space she actually reached down and grabbed my junk while licking her lips. I ended up having to run out of the room to get away from her, well more like waddle since its really not easy to run with a massive hard on.**

**I didn't bother to change or grab my stuff or even worry about Em before I'm out the door and heading home. Once I got home and tried to fix the problem myself I quickly realized it was no good! (sorry I'm sure you don't really care that I had tried for over an hour to jerk it before ****I realized it was doing no good) It wasn't till hours later, with me home sitting in a corner rocking myself back and forth praying my dick didn't fall off that Angie had forced Em to tell me what he had done. Fucking Viagra!**

**I don't even want to think about why he had the Viagra in the first place, since he's married to my sister and all. That's just a therapy bill waiting to happen if I think about that one.**

**Needless to say after that I called a truce, no more damn pranks! He ended up with a black eye, but did agree that pranks were probably a bad idea from there on out.**

**So besides breaking noses and puking, tell me something about yourself. It doesn't have to be to personal since for all you know I force people to drink tainted Kool-Aid.**

**Here is a little fact about myself .. As you probably noticed earlier I am a tattoo artist, if you didn't pick that up from my Rosalie story well now you know. I have always loved to draw, even as a kid I could rock a box of crayons like no ones business, no coloring outside the lines for this dude. There was never any question in my mind what I wanted to do. **

**One more freebie fact about myself.. When I was little my first pet was a rabbit that was named chicken.**

**Now its your turn Ms. Spewer**

**-E**

By the time Bella had finished reading her newest email she was having trouble catching her breath. Bella hadn't laughed that hard in a long ass time.

Of course she was also a little excited, and was starting to wonder if she was going to have to change her panties. I mean really what did he expect her reaction to be when he used words like "massive" and "monster" to describe his dick? It didn't help matters that he was a tattoo artist, Bella had always had a weakness for a man with ink. Assuming he had ink, Bella had yet to meet someone who did tattoo's that didn't have at least a few.

Bella was pulled out of her musing by a new text from Alice.

**Alice: Hey B - Do you want to have dinner tonight with us?**

**Bella: Who is us?**

**Alice: Why does it matter?**

**Bella: Alice….**

**Alice: Fine .. Jasper, Edward and Me..**

**Bella: I told you no matchmaking woman!**

**Alice: It's not! I just want you to meet him, you do owe me this you know.**

**Bella: How the hell do you get that?**

**Alice: 1 word .. Eclipse**

**Bella: That really wasn't my fault, and I don't think I can be your friend anymore for throwing that in my face**

**Alice: Stop being a drama queen, Will you come?**

**Bella: Ugh fine .. When and Where?**

**Alice: The little Italian place on 3rd**** around 7**

**Bella: I still don't like you.. But I'll be there bitch.**

**Alice: Love you too Belly!**

Bella grumbled to herself _"fucking evil pixie from hell."_

One of these days Bella was going to learn how to say no to Alice. It wasn't that she let Alice walk all over her. If it was something big she would fight Alice on it, and Alice would usually back off rather quickly when she realized Bella seriously meant no.

Bella smirked down at the outfit she had chosen to wear. Perfectly faded dark wash boot cut jeans with an old Beatles shit that fit her snug in all the right places, for shoes? Her old trusty beat up chucks. Bella knew Alice would blow a fuse when she saw this outfit, that's exactly why she chose it.

Bella still had a couple hours to kill before she was supposed to meet up with them. Deciding she would clean her house as a way to pass the time she started rounding up all the random dishes around her computer.

Before Bella could get too in to her task she heard an unfamiliar ring tone coming from her cell phone. Bella didn't even realize she had that on her phone, after listening for a few minutes she figured out it was the default ring tone on her phone.

Furrowing her brow in confused Bella picked up her phone to check the caller ID, the confusion didn't let up when she realized it was Leah calling her phone.

Bella debating on not answering the phone, she couldn't think of any reason for Leah to be calling her. It was no secret that Leah hated Bella, she really had no idea why either. It had always been like that between her and Leah, but curiosity won out and she found her self answering the phone.

_"Hello."_

Leah had a smug smile on her face when she heard Bella answer the phone, not that the situation called for this reaction, but she was going to enjoy the obvious pain Bella was about to go through.

_"Dad's been shot."_

Bella's face paled, all she could hear was the rushing of blood through her ears. Her mind went completely blank before she was assaulted with images of Charlie.

All the times he had taken her fishing, or took her on small hikes in the woods behind his house in forks. How proud he was hooting and hollering in the crowd when she graduated high school, and again when she had graduated from college.

The way he had dragged her all around town bragging about how wonderful his daughter was and, how smart she was when she had found out her book was going to be published.

When she realized he had driven hours to go to her first book signing, even waiting in line like everyone else even though he knew he didn't have to. He just wanted to show his support for his daughter.

When Bella had first let the walls around her heart to collapse and finally let Charlie in. Bella had been out back sitting on the porch swing reading as usual, trying to stay out of the way. Charlie had found her there many times before and would always just let her be, guessing when she was ready she would come around.

Charlie had fought with himself since she had arrived, he wanted his daughter to trust him and grow to love him as he did her. He didn't want to push her though, he still wasn't sure what she had been through before with Renee and he wasn't about to add more stress to her already over stressed young life.

He approached Bella as one might approach a skittish animal.

_"Hey Bells, Do you mind if I talk to you for just a minute?"_

Bella was unsure on how to respond, before coming to live with Charlie she was never really given an option on anything. She was never spoken to as an equal.

_"Uhhh ... Yea sure Charlie."_ Bella still felt weird calling him dad.

_"Honey, I dont know what all you have had to deal with because of your mother."_ Charlie wasn't really sure how to continue, but he pushed through his discomfort he had always had problems showing his emotions, but he was willing to try for Bella.

Bella stiffened at the mention of Renee ..

Noticing Bella's sudden mood shift, Charlie pushed on as quick as possible.

_"I just wanted to let you know I'm always going to be here for you. If you want to talk i'm here, if want just want someone to yell at while you vent i'm still going to be here for you."_

Bella's mind was already trying to work on where his angle was. If life with Renee had taught her anything it was that nothing came with out a price, and everyone had an agenda of some kind.

Bella just nodded her head, not willing to let him know what she was really thinking about.

Charlie hadn't noticed, or chose to ignore the scowl on his daughters face.

Deciding just to get it all out there for her to hear before giving her a chance to respond he continued.

_"I wont push you Bells, I just want you to know that I love you. Always have even if I never got the chance to meet you until now. It breaks my heart that you had to endure so much, if there was a way I could erase all of that for you sweetheart I would do it in a heartbeat."_

It was then that Bella had taken a close look at Charlie. From the little wrinkles around his eyes, the smile lines on his face, his beautiful brown eyes, his ridiculous mustache. All of those things Bella had never noticed before, really made no difference for Bella, what did make a difference though was the unshed tears in Charlie's eyes as he looked down at his daughter.

Something in Bella had broken that day, the walls she had so carefully put up had all but vanished when she saw the tears her father was fighting so hard to control.

In all of her years Bella had never had someone look at her like Charlie did, nor put an effort into getting to actually know her.

Bella sighed. _"It's hard ya know? I've only know heartache for the most part and trusting doesn't come easy. It's not that I don't like you Charlie .. Its just well I don't know how to think about everything going on. _

Charlie gave her a soft smile. _"That's all I ask honey, try and let me in just a little. I wont push you but when your ready just know I'm here for you."_

From that day Bella began to open up little by little until Charlie knew everything that she had dealt with in the last 15 years.

The first time she had actually called him dad, he had cried. Of course he didn't do that in front of Bella, he didn't want to make her feel bad so he waited until she was in bed before going to his room and crying for almost an hour. Partly from joy and partly from anger.

Charlie didn't dislike many people he hated even fewer. At this moment though he hated Renee more then words could describe. She had taken Bella away out of spite, she had never wanted a child and had only taken her to hurt Charlie.

Leah's annoyed huff on the other end of the line brought Bella back to the present.

Clearing her throat Bella stuttered out _"Wh-What?"_

Leah narrowed her eyes at the phone, if she wasn't enjoying Bella's discomfort so much this call would have been pointless. Bella was an idiot why no one else realized this Leah would never know.

_"Jesus, I always knew you were dumb .. I guess I never realized you was deaf as well. I said Dad's been shot, hes at the hospital here in Forks."_

With that Leah hung up the phone not bothering to tell Bella more, or giving her a chance to ask any questions.

Fat tears rolled down Bella's face as she sat in stunned silence, she wasn't sure how to react or what to think. Bella was numb trying to digest the words that Leah had said.

Once it clicked in Bella's mind she was out of her chair and racing around her house looking for her coat and shoes.

Once Bella had her coat and shoes on she grabbed her cell phone and purse heading straight out to her ancient truck. It was during this time that Bella decided she needed a new damn car, knowing it would take her forever to make it to Forks since her truck couldn't go over 55.

As Bella started her 4 hour drive to Forks, she kept repeating the same prayer over and over in her head…

"_Please god don't take Charlie from me…"_

**A/N #2! I'm not sure how my posting schedule will be in the near future as my husband has been out to sea (military) for way too freaking long and he comes home this week! I will try to get the next chapter out before he comes home but if I cant for some reason ... Those of you that are worried about poor Charlie, I will be sending out a teaser for chapter 5 with my review reply so your beautiful minds dont have to fret over the fate of Charlie.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I do not own Twilight or anything else that you are familiar with that you may or may not see in my story! Thank you for the wonderful reviews! Also thank you to my new beta Alley83! Thanks to her super fast edit I was able to get this chapter cranked out before my husband got home!  
**

**Enjoy!  
**

Not bothering to find a parking spot Bella swerved her truck right in front of the door at Forks General, grabbed her purse out and ran up to the double doors leading into the ER. When she was half way to the doors Bella realized she had forgotten to turn off her damn truck.

Turning around quickly Bella ran back to the truck, after getting her truck properly turned off and jamming her keys in her pocket, Bella once again took off running. It was when Bella stepped across the threshold of the hospital that she realized she had left her truck door wide open.

Mumbling under her breath "mother fucking piece of shit truck!" Bella ran back out and slammed her door shut! Taking a moment to calm herself down she glanced at her beloved truck who was now looking more like the devil himself then her cherished behemoth.

Shaking off those thoughts Bella walked into the doors one more time before taking off in a sprint to the front desk so she could find out where her father was.

Bella resembled a deranged bird as she ran up to the information desk flailing her arms around wildly trying to get the plump red headed woman's attention that was sitting at the desk.

Taking a quick glance at the name plate on the desk Bella sucked in a breath before speaking. "Hello Mrs. Cope, I'm looking for Charlie Swan." Bella practically screamed at the old woman.

"Are you a relative?"

Bella huffed quickly becoming annoyed, didn't this women realize that Charlie could die at any minute? "I'm his fucking daughter now tell me where the hell he is!" Bella even managed to stomp her foot like a toddler.

Mrs. Cope just rolled her eyes "ID please."

Bella growled while digging through her purse before throwing her ID at Mrs. Dragon Lady.

"You can find him on the 3rd floor, second door on the right. The Dr…"

Bella didn't give the woman time to finish her sentence before she was headed straight for the elevator, while trying to jam her ID back into the stupid protective cover of her wallet. Bella grunted, whoever thought up making the space for your driver's license so small should really be kicked in the shin.

Tapping her foot, spouting off random curses at the god forsaken slow ass elevator, Bella tried to take slow even breaths to calm herself down. She needed to be strong no matter the outcome. After what seemed like forever the door finally opened, Bella was off like a bat out of hell. It wasn't until she had run all the way down the hall that she realized there was no rooms. Scanning around Bella realized she was on the 2nd floor.

With an annoyed huff Bella ran back to the elevator, waiting another zillion seconds for the fucking slow ass elevator. You would think it being a hospital where emergencies do happen they could shell out some cash for an elevator that wasn't older then her. Once Bella got back on the elevator and waiting yet again she finally reached the 3rd floor. Making sure to double check before stepping off this time. Bella set out to find her father's room.

Bella flung the door open, not bothering to knock. She wasn't sure what to expect going into Charlie's room …

A gaping hole?

Her father lying lifeless in a hospital bed?

Tubes and IV's everywhere?

A life support machine?

As Bella's eyes landed on her father she began frantically searching his body from head to toe. The lower she got on her examination the more confused she became.

It was when she reached his foot that the confusion doubled. Bella was straining her eyes to look down muttering to herself as she walked closer to her father for a better look … "What the fuck…"

Charlie indeed appeared to be fine all except the small Toy Story 3 band-aid on his foot.

Bella whipped her head up to look at her father's very embarrassed face, even his ears were turning a light shade of pink.

Bella huffed at her father. "What the hell happened dad?"

If the floor could open up and swallow him whole, Charlie Swan would be a very happy man. He couldn't believe this had happened to him, he was the chief of police for fucks sake!

Charlie was just about to open his mouth when a thought dawned on him. "Wait a minute, what are you doing here Bells? Not that I'm not happy to see you but…"

Bella narrowed her eyes "Leah called and told me you got shot. Then she hung up on me! I got here as quick as I could."

Charlie's embarrassment quickly faded only to turn into anger. He loved Leah like his own, but that didn't mean he liked her a lot of the time. Charlie could never understand Leah's outright disgust for Bella. He had assumed it was jealousy at first, but after years of this behavior he wasn't so sure anymore.

Bella tapped her foot, she was relieved that Charlie wasn't seriously hurt, but she was seriously pissed off at Leah. She also was way too curious about the small band-aid on Charlie's foot. "Dad..?"

Charlie sighed, there was no getting out of this one, he was going to have to explain even if he would rather just be sucked up into the floor.

Charlie gave a resigned sigh. "Well for awhile now I've been going to schools around the area to teach gun safety…"

Bella nodded still unsure on where this was leading but willing to wait.

Charlie closed his eyes and let out a breath before he continued his story. "Well it's important that even if kids don't have guns in the home that they know how to safely use one or deal with one if put into that kind of situation..."

Bella's face scrunched up trying to guess what had happened .. "Dad, your rambling.. What's that have to do with anything?"

"Calm down baby girl I'm getting there... You want to know what happened so sit tight and be quite or I'm not going to tell you!"

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Like I was saying I go around to the schools.. I don't teach with a real gun because no matter how safe you are accidents happen, and when working with kids it's not a risk I'm willing to take."

Charlie paused, he wasn't looking forward to this part of his story. "I use a pump up pellet gun for my classes. I tend to get a little nervous when doing these, I like to fidget a lot, so instead of doing that I was pumping the gun to keep my mind on other things then the fact I'm in front of a auditorium full of kids."

Bella stifled a laugh. She had an idea where this was going.

"I always make sure it's unloaded, I check it each time the class is over. I didn't realize that one of the guys from the station had used it to take his kid target shooting last week. So I spent a good amount of time pumping up this gun. When I noticed I could no longer pump the damn thing I started tapping it against my leg as I was talking."

By this point Charlie had started to mumble

Bella grinned "I can't quiet hear you dad, what did you just say?"

Charlie scowled at Bella "One of my deputies tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention and startled me, causing me to pull the stupid trigger making me shoot my own foot with the pellet gun. If that wasn't bad enough it shocked me so much I jumped backwards and landed on the podium breaking it and my tailbone in the process."

By the time Charlie had finished telling his story Bella was in tears from her laughter, looking up at her father through her tears Bella laughed harder.

Charlie was sitting in his bed arms crossed with a scowl on his face, if it wasn't for his slightly twitching mustache Bella would of thought he was actually mad at her for laughing at him.

"Oh dad! And people wonder where I got my clumsy side from." Bella giggled

Charlie chuckled, it warmed his heart to see Bella laughing, even if it was at his own expense.

After several minutes of laughter, and little giggle snorts, Charlie and Bella both settled down before Charlie spoke in a soft voice. "I really am sorry you got so scared Bells."

Bella hugged her father "It's alright dad, I was due to come visit you anyways, granted I'm going to murder Leah, but I'm just so glad you're ok. Right now she is the last thing I'm worried about."

Charlie glared "I'm going to have a word with her. This has to stop!"

Bella gave Charlie a soft smile. "Don't worry about it dad, you know me I'm sure I will come up with something."

"Of that I'm certain Bells."

Charlie and Bella spent the rest of the day and evening catching up what was new in each other's lives. It didn't matter how often they talked on the phone, it would never feel as good to Bella as sitting down and just talking with Charlie. Seeing his little wrinkles around his eyes as he laughed, smelling his old spice cologne in the air, the way his mustache would twitch when he was fighting a smile, all things she couldn't get over the phone.

After hours of visiting Bella decided to head back to Charlie's to spend the night before heading back home in the morning. Charlie was being kept overnight for observation. Bella was pretty sure it was just so the good ol' folks of Forks could come and tease him.

When Bella walked into the door of her old home the first thing she noticed was a very passed out Leah on the couch. Her first instinct was to pounce and beat the ever living shit out of Leah for doing what she did to Bella.

That just wasn't Bella's style, sure she could throw down with the best of them but Bella was more of the sneak attack. Racking her brain for an idea Bella walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water when something on the table caught her attention.

The object looked harmless enough in normal hands, but in Bella's it was a means for revenge! Grabbing the item off the table and heading to the bathroom to get the other item Bella needed she headed off to get even with Leah.

When Bella was satisfied with her handy work she replaced the items, and headed up to her old bedroom to get some sleep. She was out as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Bella heard her well before she actually saw her making her entrance into the kitchen where Bella was enjoying her morning cup of coffee.

Looking up Bella had to try very hard to not burst out laughing, and by the smug smirk on Leah's face Bella would bet about anything that Leah had yet to look in the mirror this morning.

As Leah looked down at Bella with disdain she couldn't help but dig at her just a little more to see how far she could twist the knife. "Well, well, well.." Leah spat "If it isn't the golden child gracing all of us commoners with her presence."

Bella placed her head in her hands as her shoulders shook slightly. From anyone looking in on the scene, it would appear Bella was silently sobbing to herself, in reality she was laughing. Biting her lip as hard as she could to not actually laugh out loud, this was way too good to ruin by laughing now.

The Sharpie devil horns on Leah's forehead and the handle bar mustache that Bella had drawn on her was hard enough to ignore, but the real icing on the cake was that Leah only had 1 eye brow that was really giving Bella issues in keeping a straight face. Hey at least Bella was nice enough to draw a fake one on after she had shaved the real one off.

Noticing Bella's shaking shoulders Leah leaned down with a triumphant smile on her face to whisper in Bella's ear. "Why don't you just leave? No one really wants you around you such a waste of space Bella... Go back to where you belong." With that she turned and started to walk away chuckling to herself.

Had Leah been paying attention she would of heard the old kitchen chair scrape across the floor as Bella stood.

With no warning Bella calmly walked up behind Leah, grabbed the back of her neck and slammed her head forward knocking it on the door from.

Bella had a look of false innocence on her face as she looked over at Leah ... "You know Leah, you should be more careful! Those pesky doors just love to jump out and get ya when you least expect it."

Bella snickered and walked away heading up to her old bedroom to pack of the rest of her stuff, and to start phase 2 of her revenge on Leah before heading out.

She quickly loaded up her laptop then proceeded to sign Leah up for every dating website she could think of. Once she figured out how to get a picture of Leah today she would be adding that as her profile picture.

About 5 minutes later Bella heard a loud shriek coming from the bathroom down the hall. Looks like Leah finally looked into the mirror.

With a gleeful smile on her face Bella grabbed her cell phone and headed off to the bathroom to see what all the noise was about.

Bella couldn't stop her laughter as she looked at a furious Leah, staring in horror at her face in the mirror. Along with her lovely mustache, horns, and eyebrow, Leah now had a nasty golf ball sized lump with a pretty matching bruise to go along with it right in the middle of her forehead.

It didn't help matters that Leah had bright red blotches all over her face where she had been trying in vain to get the sharpie off her face.

Quickly pulling out her cell phone Bella snapped a picture and sent it to Seth and also to her email for the dating website's profile picture. Before Leah could realize what she had done. She couldn't help but take another look at her little masterpiece, and she sure as hell wasn't giving up on some class A gloating.

"You know Leah, they have creams for that."

Leah narrowed her eyes. "What the fuck are you talking about bitch?"

"Your mustache, it's awfully thick... Maybe you should get it waxed… You could always call the person that does your eyebrows ... Er umm yea my bad I mean who does your eyebrow." Bella grinned.

"Just fucking wait I will get you back for this you fucking evil bitch from hell!" Leah sneered.

Bella just smiled "Don't fucking try it Leah, I will win."

With one final glare Leah stomped out of the room.

Still chuckling to herself, Bella made her way back to her bedroom. As she was packing up the last of her things Bella felt her cell phone vibrating in her pocket.

Bella's stomach dropped when she realized it was Alice calling her, in her rush to get here yesterday she had totally forgotten she was supposed to meet her least night.

"_Hel…" _

"_BELLA? BELLA! Are you there?"_

"_Calm down Alice, I…"_

"_What the hell do you mean calm down! I've been worried sick about you. Where the fuck are you?"_

Bella glared down at the phone. _"Jesus calm down and stop interrupting me! I can't tell you if you won't shut up."_

Alice huffed but remained silent

"_I got a call yesterday that Charlie had been shot and was in the hospital in Forks..."_

"_Oh god is he ok?"_

"_Yes ... Leah just said he had been shot then hung up on me, so of course I rushed here as fast as possible. Turns out Charlie shot his own foot with… wait for it ... A freaking pellet gun!"_

Alice giggled _"Hah! You can sure tell the 2 of you are related, that sounds like something you would do."_

Bella was not amused _"I fail to find that funny Mary Alice!"_

"_Oh come on Isabella Marie, don't tell me you didn't crack up when Charlie told you what happened."_

"_I'll never tell" _Bella said in a sing song voice.

"_I was so worried about you. Well at first I was really pissed off I called and texted you a shit load by the way! After awhile I freaked out and made Jasper and Edward go to your place."_

Bella groaned _"Shit, I didn't even think! I just knew I had to get here for Charlie."_

"_It's alright sweetie, just don't EVER do that to me again! I was ready to go to the cops and report you missing!"_

"_I won't.. I promise, I just couldn't think straight until I knew Charlie was ok."_

Alice sighed_ "I know, I know … By the way you're starting to give poor Edward a little bit of a complex!_

Bella's brow furrowed in confusion_ "Umm how is that? I've never even met the dude!"_

"_That's why silly! You always seem to vanish every time he comes around, not to mention you steam rolled him at Eclipse on the way out and didn't bother to even look at him before pushing him out of the way."_

Bella paled and murmured _"Oh god Mr. Sex voice.."_

Alice snorted_ "Mr. Sex voice eh? So I take it you know exactly what I'm talking about."_

"_Yes Ali, I ran into him but it really wasn't his fault or anything to do with him why I didn't bother to look up! His voice had me weak in the knee's and if I stuck around to actually look at him I probably would not have left!"_ Bella slapped her hand over her mouth, shit! She didn't mean to say that out loud, now Alice would have ammunition.

Alice grinned _"Well now, you are going to have to actually meet sex voice to make the poor man feel better. You wouldn't want him to get a self esteem problem because of you now would you?"_

Bella's brow rose in surprise, guilt was usually a last resort for Alice. _"Guilt really Ali? Why is this so important to you pix? I don't want some bullshit answer either, I want the truth."_

"_I just have a feeling about him B! I don't know what it is but every time I'm around him I see little ponies and rainbows dancing in the background behind him and little hearts floating around his head with your name on them!"_

Bella stared at her phone incredulously _"What the fuck! Dancing ponies and rainbows? What the hell are you on Alice."_

Alice huffed_ "I didn't mean literal dancing ponies and rainbows! It was a figure of speech."_

"_A right stupid one if you ask me pix. Regardless I will meet him when I meet him Ali. Our timing is just off, I'm sure eventually we will meet. Listen Ali I gotta give Charlie a quick call before I hit the road. I'll call you when I get home."_

"_Alright, don't forget! Love you."_

"_Love you too Ali."_

After a quick call to Charlie where Bella told Charlie all about her revenge, many called Bella an evil genius… It had to come from somewhere right? She was her father's daughter that's for sure. Charlie Swan may have been a quite man but he was full of mischief. He had made Bella promise to stick around for another 30 minutes so she could see his punishment for what Leah had done.

Exactly 30 minutes later there was a loud knock at the door, slightly puzzled Bella made her way to the door. Upon opening the door Bella's eyebrows rose in surprise.

Standing in his uniform with his police cruiser behind him, lights flashing, was Sam Uley. It was no secret in town that Leah had a major obsession for Sam. Hell Bella didn't even live here anymore and she knew it.

"_Hey Sam, what brings you out? Chiefs not home."_ Bella stated

"_This isn't a social call Bella, I need to speak with Leah."_

Bella was dumbfounded until she saw the quick wink Sam threw in her direction.

Bella giggled and mouthed a quick "Charlie?" before yelling for Leah.

Sam nodded looking up just in time to see Leah come flying down the stairs. It took all he had to keep his serious cop face in place and not laugh at the hot mess Leah was this morning.

"_Ss-Sam what are you doing here?" _Leah stuttered out while trying to slyly make sure her hair looked ok, momentarily forgetting the sharpie all over her face and the goose egg on her forehead.

"_Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to come with me."_

Leah narrowed her eyes. _"What the hell for? I haven't done anything!"_

"_We are booking you for stalking and luring Ms. Swan here on false pretenses."_

Bella turned around to hide her smile. Quick thinking had Bella poking her eyes a few times to bring on the tears, also a lip quiver was thrown in for good measure.

"_Oh thank you Sam! I was so scared!" _Bella sniffled.

Before Bella could say anymore Leah lunged at her screaming profanities. Sam was much quicker though and had Leah's arms locked behind her back and the cuffs on before she could realize what was going on.

Sam winked at Bella again over Leah's head. _"Ma'am you don't want to add assault to the list now do you? Let's go."_

Leah would be taken to the station, put in holding for a few hours before the charges would be dropped. The end of her punishment was having to ride in the back of the police cruiser to the hospital where she would have to go in and retrieve Charlie, without being given the option to try and get the sharpie off her face.

The next few months flew by for Bella. She spent a lot of her time trying to get her muse to cooperate for her new book. She also still exchanged emails daily with her green eyed devil. They never told things too personal like where they lived or even what they looked like.

What Bella did know was that he loved his sister dearly, they had the same taste in music and movies. Both of his parents had died years ago leaving him and his sister very well off. They chose to work even if they didn't need too. His parents had always worked hard so he felt the need to do the same.

He was 28 years old and his birthday was in June. Bella learned many other small things about him and before she could stop it or even realize what was going on she was head over heels in love with her green eyed devil. It didn't matter to Bella that she had no idea what he looked like or hell where he even lived. Her heart belonged to him, there was no stopping it.

Another change for Bella was that the month before she had finally met the elusive Edward from the shop, it had become somewhat of a game to Bella for awhile. No matter how much or often they tried something always came up having Bella just leaving as Edward was walking in or Edward leaving as Bella got there.

She adored Edward right away. What wasn't to like about him? He was gorgeous without being conceited, he was kind, funny, smart, and a true gentleman. They formed a quick friendship and started spending time together. Coffee in the morning or lunch in the afternoons. Once a week they would get together to have a pizza and movie night.

As much as Bella would of liked to be more than a friend to Edward or to jump his sexy ass, she just couldn't do it. Her heart wasn't her own to give anymore and it wouldn't be fair to do that to Edward or her devil.

Bella had no idea that Edward was going through the same thing. He really cared for Bella but he was in love with his feisty little bookworm. Like he had told her before once he was in he was all in. Even if his relationship with bookworm was undefined and not physical he would still feel as if he was cheating them both.

Edward had been trying to work up the courage to find out where bookworm lived. He ached for her and was hoping she felt the same. He had debated over and over how to go about that but eventually decided maybe if he opened up to her a little more letting her know where he was that she would be more comfortable telling Edward the things he needed to know.

By some unspoken agreement Bella and Edward had both decided to ignore the obvious attraction they felt for each other and just remain friends. There had been a few times when one or the other would almost slip and cross the line, but nothing ever actually happened.

It was like any other normal night when things took a drastic change for Bella.

Bella and Edward were having one of their normal pizza nights, but Edward seemed distracted the whole evening glued to his blackberry. That was unusual for Edward. He was usually very attentive when around Bella.

Bella cocked her head to the side studying Edward. _"What ya doing over there that's so important?_

Edward jumped he had been so lost in thought that he had forgotten Bella was sitting right next to him._ "Oh uh nothing just emailing a friend."_

"_Huh must be some friend if they got you that distracted. Anyone I know?"_

Edward smiled while hitting send putting his phone away, he didn't like ignoring Bella, but he really wanted to tell bookworm something before he forgot._ "No I don't think you do. Sorry about that I'm all done now… Promise. Now get over here and snuggle me woman!"_

Bella giggled ignoring her phone alert for a new email before cuddling up to Edward. Hey friends cuddle!

They had spent the rest of the evening cuddling and watching movies before Edward headed home for the night.

Bella had totally forgotten about her email alert. It wasn't that she wasn't excited about getting a message from her devil… But it was special to Bella and she didn't want to read it while anyone else was around. Bella jumped out of bed to grab her laptop so she could read the email that would change her life forever unbeknownst to her.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I do not own Twilight or anything else you might recognize from my fic.**

**Thank you to my wonderful beta Alley83. Also thank you to everyone who took the time to review! Love you! Oh! and I can't forget a quick thank you to all the people who added this fic to alert or favorites. You have made me a happy little panda!  
**

**Dun Dun Dun.. Finally they meet! I'm really hoping your not let down by this chapter! This will be the last chapter for probably a week, as I will be packing for the rest of this week. Joy of joys I get to spend 14hrs in a car on Saturday with my husband and our 3 brats, I mean angels. :)**

**Enjoy!  
****-**

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****From Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: May 4, 2011 8:46 pm  
****Subject: Super Freak**

**Dear Ms. Solver of all my problems.**

**I have a huge problem! I'm pretty sure I have a stalker. You think I'm being dramatic, right? I'm so not kidding I'm waiting to come home one of these days and find her boiling bunnies in my kitchen!**

**Let me tell you a little bit about this fucked up situation I've found myself in.**

**Shortly after I moved to Seattle, I was invited by my boss Jasper to go for drinks with some of the guys we work with. The night went off pretty much normal for the first few hours, well except for some drama with Jasper's girlfriend and a friend of hers.**

**As I was waiting on my beer I was approached by a very trailer trash looking girl, in clothes that looked like they might have fit properly 10 years ago. Now I had been warned about this specific girl in advance, but even if I hadn't of been warned she wasn't my type at all so regardless I would have turned her down.**

**I was raised a gentleman so I didn't outright ignore her. I managed to tell her my name before she started spewing pick up lines at me. I ended up having to rudely let her know I wasn't interested before walking back to finish my drink with my co-workers.**

**I thought that was the end of it. A sane person would let it be, it was obvious I wasn't interested. Apparently she is indeed not sane. It started off innocent enough. The meetings could have been coincidence. Running into her while at the grocery store, video store, and hell even at the Chinese restaurant I go to all the time. **

**Every time I saw her it was much like the first time with her trying to get in my pants, skip dating her she just wanted me to hit the sheets with her. **

**A few days ago my washer broke and the people couldn't get out right away to fix it, so I was forced to go to the laundry mat. Wouldn't you know it she just happens to walk in a few minutes after me… Mind you she had NO laundry with her, but she did proceed to take off her panties right in front of me and throw them in the washer without any soap. I mean really what good is that going to do? Oops I'm starting to ramble again I know. I'm just frustrated!**

**To avoid her I spent most of my time hiding out in the bathroom, coming out long enough to put my stuff in the dryer. I'm pretty sure she stole a pair of my boxers by the way!**

**I'm at a loss at what to do! I've tried to be rude, I've tried to tell her nicely, I've even tried to just ignore her! It doesn't work. It seems the only time I can go anywhere without her showing up is when I'm with a certain female friend of mine or guys from work. From what I have heard my lady friend and her have a long history with each other.**

**So please help me out here! Maybe you could visit Seattle and be my body guard? Just sayin!**

**Until next time my brilliant little bookworm.**

**-E**

Bella had read the email at least a dozen times before the puzzle pieces all started to click into place. It wasn't that Bella was stupid, or even slow, it just didn't make sense to her that the two men she had serious feelings for were one in the same.

"Holy mother fucking shit!" Bella screeched.

"Oh god! My devil is Edward! Edward is my devil!" Bella frantically mumbled to herself.

She was on the verge of hyperventilating. She was equal parts excited and terrified. On one hand she was super excited that Edward was her mystery man, she couldn't have asked for a better out come.

On the other hand she was terrified that Edward didn't feel the same about her. Sure there had been a few times when he held her a little tighter when they hugged, or when she would catch him looking intently at her lips. He had never crossed the line though, of course neither had she.

Bella knew one thing, this was something she was going to have to handle very carefully. She couldn't risk losing Edward as a friend, he was just too important to her. She needed a way to feel him out a little first before she put herself out there.

"I'm such a chicken shit…" Bella sighed as she opened up her email once again.

**To: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: May 5, 2011 12:46 am  
****Subject: RE: Super Freak**

**Dear Sleepless in Seattle,**

**Sorry I just couldn't resist! I've always wanted to say that. **

**Sounds like you have your hands full with the stalker. Hmm if your method doesn't seem to be working maybe you should try a tazer? They have small ones you can keep hidden in your pocket. I recommend making sure it's off before sticking it in there so you don't accidentally taze yourself, that would suck huh? Anyways! Moving on.**

**If that doesn't seem to interest you, maybe you should try a high frequency dog whistle, because it really sounds like you have a bitch in heat stuck on your hands.**

**If neither of those seems to do the trick let me know. I'm sure with the proper amount of time I can think of a better alternative.**

**So tell me about this lady friend of yours? Does Mr. Green eyed devil have a girlfriend that he has somehow managed to forget mentioning? Do I need to act like I'm happy for you instead of the little jealous monster I seem to be feeling like at the moment? I'm kidding by the way… Well at least for the most part. I've come to really care for you over these last few months so if you're happy I will deal with it. **

**Sweet dreams.**

**-B**

Checking over her email one more time, Bella forced herself to hit send before she could delete the last little part. She needed to know for her own sanity how he really felt about all of this. She also wanted to know why the fuck he hadn't told her about his stalker, whom she could only assume was Tanya.

Deciding it was no use obsessing over this tonight Bella climbed in bed.

Bella had spent the night tossing and turning. She had forced herself to stop thinking negative thoughts, and just let the cards fall where they may. If she got any indication from his email that Edward did not feel the same way about her then she would simply tell him she was Bookworm and leave it at that, not bothering to tell him her true feelings. She could handle being just his friend, what she couldn't handle was no Edward in her life.

She was procrastinating that's all there was to it. She had spent the last few hours playing waste-basket basketball while trying to do anything but check her email. Bella knew she needed to put her big girl panties on and just get it over with but come on! Plus she rather enjoyed rockin the rainbow bright boy shorts she currently had on.

Giving up the fight Bella pulled up her email. Immediately her heart started thundering in her chest, she was pretty sure her next door neighbor was going to call in a noise complaint soon if her loud heart didn't settle down.

Once Bella had clicked on his email she quickly closed her eyes. Bella really had no idea why she was acting like this, it wasn't as if the email was going to reach out and smack her.

Slowly peaking on eye open, then the next her gaze landed on what may be the best thing to have ever crossed her computer, or the worst.

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: May 5, 2011 10:02 am  
****Subject: Who let the dogs out?**

**Hey Bookworm,**

**Yes I'm out of rather witty greetings right now, so that's the best you are going to get this morning.**

**The thought of accidentally shocking the shit out of myself with a tazer gun kind of rules that option out for stalker ridding 101.**

**The dog whistle has some definite possibilities. I'll have to think on that one, maybe I can get one and wear it around my neck. That way if I am ever attacked by a pack of wild dogs or rabid stalkers I will be prepared.**

**Hmm.. So you're curious about my lady friend are you my little bookworm? Well let's see if I can help you out a little bit on that. No she is not my girlfriend.**

**I am absolutely crazy about her. Really there isn't much to not like about her. She's funny, smart, kind, selfless and beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have her, and maybe had I of met her a few months ago things would of turned out different.**

**You see my heart really isn't mine to give away. It's been taken over totally by a certain little bookworm I know. It doesn't matter to me that I don't know where you live, what you look like, or even you're first name. You have a beautiful soul that calls to me, the other stuff is just the wrapping, the real prize my little bookworm is inside.**

**So what do you say? Am I totally out of line here or do you feel something too? I'm willing to do what it takes to make this work. I'm all in if you are, you just have to say the word.**

**-Edward**

By the time Bella had finished his email she was having problems reading the screen through all her tears.

Her first thought was running to Edward and having her wicked way with that sweet, sweet man. After racking her brain she had finally decided on how she wanted to go about letting Edward know. Sending off a quick email, Bella set out to hopefully change her life.

Edward had just finished with a client, when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He was in such a hurry to check it. Yanking it out of his pocket he accidentally flung his poor phone across the room whacking Alec upside his head in the process.

He had kept his phone with him all day today, checking it every couple of minutes hoping to have a reply from his bookworm.

Edward had debated with himself over and over about what to say to her in his last email. He wanted her plain and simple, he would never get anywhere if he didn't at least try to put himself out there to her, so that's exactly what he did.

_"What the fuck is your problem Masen?" _Alec sneered.

_"Dude, it's not like I did that shit on purpose. Just give me the damn phone back."_

Alec smirked _"Nah I don't think I …" _Alec looked down to notice an incoming text from Bella.

_"Oh hell no Masen! Why the hell is **my **girl texting you?"_

Edward rolled his eyes. _"First she's not your girl, second I can get texts from **my** friends whenever the hell I want. Now give it back fucker."_

_"Hey asstards this isn't kindergarten, stop acting like fucking idiots and get back to work." _Jasper barked out.

Alec grudgingly tossed the phone back to Edward before storming out of the shop.

Edward smirked as he watched Alec stomp off. When was he going to learn that Bella couldn't stand him?

Shaking his head Edward quickly checked his text from Bella.

**Bella: What came first Eddie, the chicken or the egg?**

Edward growled. She knew he hated that name! He would never admit it was kind of cute hearing her say it.

**Edward: The egg of course.**

**Bella: How do you get that?**

**Edward: Easy, eggs are for breakfast and chicken is for lunch or dinner, meaning the egg has to come first.**

**Bella: Smart ass!**

**Edward: That my dear is exactly why you love me.**

**Bella: Yea, yea keep telling yourself that.**

Edward snorted lightly as he closed out the text to open up his email.

**To: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: May 5, 2011 3:54 pm  
****Subject: Not so sleepless in Seattle.**

**Edward, **

**Tonight 10 pm.  
****Eclipse night club in downtown Seattle  
****Sit at the bar.  
****Wear a green shirt with dark wash jeans.  
****I will find you.**

**-B**

Edward was ecstatic. He was finally going to get to meet his Bookworm. If judging by the fact she would meet him in Seattle tonight, she had to be close.

The rest of the day dragged on for Edward. He kept his eyes on the clock most of the day. He knew he was being rude to his clients, but he couldn't help it, his mind was a million miles away as he went through different scenarios in his head how tonight would turn out.

Would she be disappointed in him?

What would she think of all his ink? Sure she knew what he did but they didn't talk much about his own ink.

Would the online chemistry they seemed to share carry over to real life?

What if she is really a dude?

No! Pushing that thought out of his head right away, Edward continued to fret over the possibilities tonight would bring for him.

By the time Edward had dressed in his green button down shirt and dark wash boot cut jeans he was in a frenzy. His stomach was somewhere around his knee's, and his heart had relocated to his throat.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm his nerves, Edward tried in vain one more time to tame his mop of hair. He had long ago given up on his hair actually doing what he wanted, so most of the time he just let it be. Not tonight though at least messing with his hair gave him something to do other then freak out about the unknown.

Edward arrived at Eclipse a little early. He needed a stiff drink to calm his damn nerves down before he met his bookworm.

He had just downed a shot of tequila when Edward felt a hand running through his hair and hot breath on his neck.

"_I've missed you."_

Edward shuddered. He knew that voice.

"_Have you been thinking about me as much as I have been thinking about you?"_

Edward groaned, this couldn't be happening! Not now.

"_What do you want Tanya?"_

Tanya raised an eyebrow at him, so this is how he wanted to play. _"You of course. Why won't you just admit that I'm what you want?"_

Edward narrowed his eyes. _"Tanya, for the last time I DO NOT WANT YOU! When are you going to get it through that brain of yours?"_

Tanya giggled. _"Oh Edward! It's so cute when you act all defensive. Now stop playing around, I haven't had a good fucking in at least 24 hours."_

Edward gagged. _"Well I suggest you go find someone quickly before you go into withdraws."_

Tanya ignored Edwards protest and began to run her fingers down his chest towards the promise land. She could just imagine how he would feel in her hands, or maybe down her throat.

Edward was horrified. First he had to figure out how to pry Tanya off his dick and pray his little bookworm didn't choose that moment to walk up and get the total wrong idea about him.

He would kill Tanya if she screwed this up for him.

Edward was just about to lay into Tanya when a flash of mahogany hair out of the corner of his eye caught his attention.

Slowly turning Edward saw a very pissed off determined looking Bella heading his way. God she was sexy when she was pissed off.

"_Shit!"_ Edward muttered to himself… He shouldn't be thinking of Bella that way, especially when he was here to meet up with the women who owned his heart and soul!

Edward didn't have much time to ponder those thoughts before Bella had pushed past Tanya and climbed right into his lap and kissed him.

This wasn't a sweet friendly chaste kiss, oh no this was Hello Tonsils! Hair pulling, teeth clashing kiss.

You know what they say about fireworks going off and a choir of angels singing in the background? Yea that shit isn't real, but what is real is Edward and Bella were both panting and light headed when they finally pulled apart, ignoring the screeching Tanya in the background.

Bella blushed looking at Edward from under her lashes.

"_Sorry I'm late Devil." _Bella nervously whispered to Edward.

"_Huh?" _Was Edwards brilliant response.

Bella giggled.

She was rather amused with the dazed out dreamy look on Edward's beautiful face.

Edward was on cloud 9; it took him a few minutes to realize what Bella had actually called him.

"_Ww-wait! What?" _Edward stuttered out.

_Jesus!_ Edward thought, what the hell is wrong with him! One kiss from Bella had turned him into a stammering 14 year old girl at her first Justin Beiber concert.

Bella smiled softly. _"Surprise?"_

"_Bookworm?"_ Edward breathed out in awe, as he slowly ran his finger down Bella's cheek. He just couldn't believe it was her!

Bella nodded, nervously chewing on her lip.

"_I can't believe it's you! Wait how long have you known?"_ Edward demanded gently.

Slowly releasing her lip Bella sighed. _"I just realized it when I saw your last email, talking about Seattle, Jasper, Alice and the shop it all just clicked. Why didn't you tell me about Tanya stalking you?"_

Edward growled at the mention of Tanya. _"I knew it would upset you, I didn't want to bring her up around you B."_

The smile slowly fell from Bella's face, Edward had yet to mention if he was ok with all of this. _"Is this ok Edward? How do you feel about me being the person you have been talking to for months?"_

Edward gave Bella a lopsided grin. _"Oh it's definitely more than ok my lil bookworm."_

Edward pulled Bella closer by her hips before attacking her again. He couldn't get enough of her, and now that he didn't have to fight his reactions to Bella he was going to have a lot of fun exploring all the possibilities.

All the while Tanya sat seething. She wasn't going to let Edward get away with playing these games much longer. It was cute at first his acting like he didn't want her, but this new game of making her jealous just wasn't that much fun.

She would just have to find a way to make him see how it feels to be eaten alive by jealousy.

Tanya scanned the crowd before her eyes landed on a familiar form... Ahh! Perfect.

Tanya slowly walked down the bar till she stood right next to him, close enough to run her tongue slowly down his ear before speaking.

"_Hello Alec." _Tanya Purred.

Alec looked her up and down, she looked a little rough, but that didn't bother him. She would do for the night, he had to find a way to pound out his anger of seeing Bella and Edward together. What better way than using Tanya?

"_Tanya." _He replied in a low seductive voice.

Tanya smiled, this is going to be too easy _"Cut the shit Alec. I want Edward, you want Bella, although why you want her I will never know… Regardless I think I may have a plan to work out things better for us."_

Alec was intrigued. _"Go on."_

"_Well … Edward is being a naughty boy and I know he is only with Bella to make me jealous. Sooo I want to give him a taste of his own medicine. Let's hook up and make sure they know it."_

Alec grinned perfect. _"Let's get out of here and practice the hook up. Afterward we can talk about how to flaunt this shit and get what's ours!"_

Tanya and Alec soon left the bar together, not bothering to wait till they made it to either ones apartment. Figuring the alley behind the bar was as good a place as any to have a little fun.

It's all fun and games till the condom breaks….

**A/N: Since I am not really sure when my next update will be (no more then a week hopefully.) A teaser of Ch. 7 will be given out with my review replies.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I do not own Twilight or anything else you recognize in my ficaroo! Thank you all so much for the reviews! Woo broke 50! :D .. Also Thank you to those who added to favorites/alerts!**

**Thank you Alicia (Alley83) for the super fast beta job you do!**

**I lost my sanity somewhere between Indiana and Virginia on my road trip. So hopefully torturing these poor characters in the next few chappies will help me get it back? :D**

**Enjoy!  
**

"_Edward."_

"_Yes Bella?"_ Edward lovingly looked at his girlfriend over the top of his magazine he was reading.

"_What are you doing?"_

"_Um.. I'm reading?" _Edward replied puzzled. It was obvious what he was doing right?

"_Oh... Okay."_

Shrugging his shoulders Edward went back to reading.

It had been a month since the great reveal and things were going great. Sure not every day was rainbows and sunshine, but for the most part Bella and Edward had no real problems moving from friends to more.

Edward would be the first to admit things had been a little awkward at the start. He had been so used to keeping himself in check around Bella that he found it to be a hard habit to break.

Once they had broken past the awkward stage it was game on. Two weeks into their relationship they had taken things forward in the physical aspect of things.

Edward snickered to himself thinking back to the birth control talk.

_**Flashback**_

Edward was exhausted. He had spent the last 3 hours working on a back piece for one of his regulars. He just wanted to finish off his day and take a nice long hot shower before calling Bella.

The slight tinkling sound from the bell alerted Edward that someone had come into the shop.

Edward groaned. He was the only one in the shop since everyone else had left a little early. So that meant Edward would be stuck doing a walk-in right at closing time.

The scowl on Edwards face left quickly when he realized it was Bella walking in, she looked more than just a little frazzled.

"_Edward, I take pills!"_ Bella blurted out.

"_Do you need to go to rehab?"_ Edward hastily replied.

"_What the fuck? Why would I need rehab Edward?"_

"_Probably because you rushed in here and announced that you take pills?"_

Bella groaned. _"Shit! That's now what I meant!"_

Edward waited …

Bella huffed. _"Not just any pills, come on Edward think!"_

Edward waited …

Bella narrowed her eyes. _"Why would a woman need pills Edward?"_

Edward waited …

Bella changed tactics. _"Do you want to see me naked Edward?_

Edward nodded like a little puppy.

"_What would happen if you saw me naked?"_ Bella spoke slowly.

Edward gulped, his mind blank except the big flashing sign in there repeating "Boobies, boobies, boobies!" over and over.

Apparently Edward's inner voice was a 15 year old boy with a porno magazine.

Bella stomped her foot. _"Jesus! I'm on birth control pills!"_

Edward's mind went into over drive, adding more flashing signs in his brain … "Boobies!" "No rubber dick!" "Mmmm naked Bella boobies!"

Bella looked at Edward incredulously. _"Baby, you do realize you're not making much sense? What exactly is a rubber dick? Unless all the sudden you have a mass interest in dildo's?"_

All rational thought had left Edward's brain after birth control pills had left her lips.

Edward was on Bella quicker then she thought possible, pinning her to the glass front window of the shop.

_**End of flashback.**_

Edward was sporting a massive hard on just thinking back to that night. He had quickly moved her away from the glass, before pinning her to another wall in the hallway.

From that point on it was a race to get her out of her clothes. He had wanted to make the first time special. Take his time to worship her from the top of her cute little head down to the souls of her tiny feet.

Instead it was hot, raw, needy and perfect for them. Edward was almost positive he shed a single tear of joy from the pure ecstasy when he thrust into Bella for the first time.

A throat clearing brought Edward out of memory lane.

"_I'm bored!" _Bella whined.

"_And what would you like me to do about that." _Edward wiggled his eyebrows.

Bella's face lit up. _"I know! Let's go to the mall and go ice skating at the new rink!"_

Edward paled. _"No!"_

Bella's lip quivered. _"You don't want to go with me?"_

Edward would not be swayed by the pout. _"No way, not going to happen."_

Bella widened her eyes and added more lip quivering. _"I just want to spend time with you, and maybe do something special."_

Edward refused to look at Bella. _"Let's do something else."_

Bella added a sniffle. _"Please Edward."_

20 minutes later Bella and Edward were walking hand and hand into the mall.

Edward couldn't believe he had fallen for the damn puppy dog face again! He was doing so good at not looking at her to avoid that damn pouty adorable face of hers. As soon as he heard her little sniffle resistance was futile.

He would do anything to make her smile, even if it meant going fucking ice skating. Edward wasn't clumsy by nature, but stick him anywhere near ice and it was an accident waiting to happen.

"_Hey sweetheart, let's grab a pretzel. I will probably die on that ice, so I think I deserve my last meal."_

Bella rolled her eyes. _"Alright you big baby."_

Edward smiled. All was good in his world, well at least till he got up to the counter of Pretzel Maker to order. That's where things got a little interesting.

"_Welcome to Pretzel Maker, What can I get for you?" _Said a bored voice that made Bella's head whip up.

"_Ben?"_ Bella stammered out.

Ben smirked. _"I knew you couldn't stay away."_

"_Oh yes, I've been dyeing to see you." _Bella replied sarcastically.

Ben nodded, not catching the sarcasm. _"You know I forgive you, and I'm willing to give you another chance B."_

Bella snorted. _"You forgive me? What am I being forgiven for?"_

"_For acting like a spoiled child when I didn't make you the center of my universe."_

Bella glared at him. _"Acting like a spoiled child? Are you fucking kidding me! I caught you fucking Tanya!"_

Edward decided it was time to break up this little party. Many people were intimidated by Edward. It wasn't that he put off a scary vibe if you took the chance to actually talk to him. It was the ink covering his arms, or maybe it was the ink on the side of his neck, or it could have been his many facial piercings. Either way at the moment he was glad for his look.

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella's shoulders. _"Are you alright baby?"_ Making sure to say it loud enough for lover boy to hear him.

Bella nuzzled Edward's neck, momentarily forgetting about the douche. _"You know what? I think I'm just fine."_

Ben paled taking in the tall man next to Bella, had he of been a smarter man he would of kept his mouth shut. Then again no would could accuse Ben Cheney of being a smart man … _"How do you know __**my**__ Bella?"_

Edward growled.

Bella's panties poofed while flashing a quick peace sign.

Ben wet his pants just a little as Edward growled some more.

Bella put her hand on Edwards chest making him look down on her before softly speaking. _"I've got this sweetheart."_

Bella turned to Ben taking a close look at the man who had been such a big part of her life for so long. As hard as she tried Bella just couldn't bring herself to feel anything but thankful.

"_Thank you Ben." _Bella said sincerely.

Ben was dumbfounded. _"For?"_

Bella smiled like the Cheshire cat. _"For being a total fucking cock sucking incompetent dickhead. Had I not of found out about Tanya and dumped your ass, I never would of found my Edward. So thank you for fucking Tanya."_

Ben Blinked.

Turning away from her past Bella grabbed Edward's hand. _"I'm not in the mood for a pretzel anymore."_

"_Fuck woman! That was hot!"_ Edward whispered in her ear before gently biting down.

"_Stop that!"_ Bella glared at Edward.

"_But I want it!" _Edward pouted.

"_If you wanted it then you should of gotten your own! I told you to get one. But nooo you wouldn't listen."_

"_It didn't look good till you started slurping on it." _Edward argued.

They had been fighting for the last 5 minute over Bella's ice-cream.

Bella loved Edward, but nothing came between her and cookies-n-cream ice-cream. Not even Edward.

"_If you ever want to see me naked again STOP!" _Bella said while smacking Edward's hand away.

Edward frowned looking dejected. Bella might as well of kicked his puppy.

Bella happily ate the rest of her ice-cream while studiously ignoring her giant pouting boyfriend next to her.

Edward warily looked at the ice skating rink in front of him. This was a bad, bad idea, why didn't Bella see that?

"_Come on Edward, get your skates on."_

"_I can't do this Bella." _Edward huffed. He was only looking out for her safety!

"_Edward, are you scared?" _Bella grinned.

"_No!" _Edward replied stubbornly.

Bella was quickly getting annoyed, it was time to put out her feminine wiles on Edward.

Bella rubbed her fingers down Edward's chest, making sure to keep her voice low and husky before whispering to him. _"I promise to make it worth your while tonight. Remember that crazy thing I can do with my tongue and a popsicle? Play your cards right and you can be my popsicle baby."_

Bella giggled and quickly backed away when she saw Edward's eye darken and become predatory.

Edward stalked slowly towards Bella. Everything else slowly fading away as he zeroed in on his prey.

When Bella started to slip she quickly realized she had backed right onto the ice. Wide eyed Bella quickly looked up to warn Edward about the ice. From the horrified look on his face it was too late.

Edward slipped and in the process of trying to stop his fall he took out 2 teenage girls that had been gawking at him for the last 5 minutes, before slamming face first into the ice.

Bella giggle snorted, until she realized Edward was not moving. As quickly as one can possibly move while walking on ice Bella made her way to Edward.

Shaking his shoulders Bella began to frantically call Edward's name with no response she carefully rolled him over. Ignoring the crowd of people that had congregated around them, Bella scanned Edward for injuries.

As soon as Bella saw the blood seeping from about his right eye, she held her breath praying she didn't faint.

The prayer fell on deaf ears, as Bella had to take a breath. As soon as Bella breathed in the smell of rust and salt hit her senses and the room began to swim around her.

Bella promptly fell forward, knee straight to Edwards crotch and passed out.

The first thing Edward noticed when he started to come around was the insane pain in his dick, it felt like someone took a jackhammer to him, and his head didn't feel much better.

Edward laid on the ice trying to remember what the hell happened, once the memories slowly filtered back in, Edward wanted to crawl in a hole and have the earth swallow him up.

He didn't have long to freak out before he realized the weight laying across his chest and the pressure against his dick was a person.

Embarrassment quickly forgotten as he slowly opened his eyes and saw a very knocked out Bella laying on him.

Edward was puzzled. Had Bella slipped as well? Shaking her shoulders seemed to do the trick as Bella slowly opened her eyes.

"_Baby what happened to you?"_ Edward said gently.

Bella turned green. _"Oh god! Edward you have got to back away from me! The blood!"_

Edward hadn't realized he was even bleeding at that point. Edward slowly stood up ignoring the shooting pain in his groin and backed away from Bella. Thankfully a staff member at the rink had brought out a first aid kit and quickly cleaned Edward up.

"_Say it." _Edward taunted.

"_I have no idea what you're talking about!"_

"_Bel-laaaaa say it!"_

Bella glared at Edward. _"I don't want to, and you can't make me!"_

"_Say it or I tell everyone we know what happened!" _Edward grinned.

Bella stomped her foot and glared at Edward some more. _"Fine! IwaswrongandEdwardwasright."_

"_What was that baby? I didn't quite understand you."_

Bella huffed. _" I - WAS - WRONG - AND - EDWARD - WAS - RIGHT."_ Bella screamed.

"_No need to shout baby I'm right here."_ Edward quickly dodged Bella's shoe.

"_You are such an ass …"_ Bella was interrupted by Barbie Girl playing from her cell phone. _"Ohh! Phone! Yay me!"_

"_Hello?"_

"_Hey Bella." _Alice replied nervously

"_What's up my little pixie pal?"_

"_Funny Bella. I kind of need to talk to you about something important." _Alice paused. She was not looking forward to doing this at all.

Bella raised an eyebrow at the phone. _"Sure, what's the problem?"_

"_Well Jasper and I have decided we want to have a baby .. Yo…"_

Bella squealed. _"I'm so happy for you! Why did you make it sound like bad news? This is great!"_

Alice sighed. _"You didn't let me finish. I've decided to sell Brandon publishing. It's just I will be so busy when we actually do have a baby and I also kind of have something I would much rather do."_

Bella grinned. _"Ali, sweetie, my non lesbian love of my life, I am so happy for you. You didn't have to be nervous about me! I can always find someone to publish my books. It's not every day I find out I'm going to be an aunt hopefully soon!"_

Alice was finally able to breathe. _"Oh thank god! I was so worried you would be mad at me. You will love Irina, she is who will be taking over Brandon publishing."_

"_I'm sure if she's ok in your book she is fine in mine. What is it that you are more interested in doing anyways?_

Alice began to bounce in her seat. _"I'm going to be designing baby clothes! The best part? I will be using tattoo's from the boys at Jasper's shop as the designs on the clothes."_

"_Oh! Me likes!" _Bella giggled. _"Do you and Jasper want to have a pizza and game night tonight?"_

"_Sure… Hey I need to get some paper work done. How about we meet at your place around 7?"_

"_That works… Love ya pix."_

Alice smirked. _"Love you too … Oh and Bella you should take a look at The Seattle Times, Lifestyle section today."_ Alice quickly hung up before Bella could respond.

Slightly puzzled Bella went outside to grab her newspaper.

She opened the paper up to the lifestyle section, then promptly dropped the paper.

There in black and white was a picture of a very passed out Bella laying over an equally passed out Edward on the ice.

Bella groaned. Quickly scanning the article.

**Fri June 10, 2011.**

**A not so graceful Swan dive?**

_**Seattle's own best selling author Isabella Swan was spotted out today canoodling with an unknown male. Later sources found out the mystery man was local tattoo artist Edward Masen. The couple seemed to be enjoying a lazy day at the local ice skating rink when things took a turn for the worst.**_

_**I was able to speak with a few witnesses about the incident shortly after it happened. Local teen Bree Tanner tells us. "They looked so cute together! Holding hands, exchanging hugs, and whispering to each other." Another witness was involved in the accident wasn't as kind as Ms. Tanner. Ms. Stanley was quoted saying "I was minding my own business on the ice, when out of nowhere Mr. Masen plowed in to me taking me down with him! He didn't even bother to ask me if I was ok! Hello I broke a nail? He seemed more worried about his companion, it wasn't like she broke a nail."**_

_**It appears Ms. Swan accidentally backed up too far when playing an innocent game of cat and mouse with Mr. Masen. He slipped on the ice, falling into 2 local teens. Before being knocked unconscious, also resulting in a gash above his eye. When Ms. Swan was checking him over she managed to faint as well! Is it light's out for this relationship?**_

_**Both Ms. Swan and Mr. Masen were unavailable for comment at this time. Stay tuned for more news on our favorite camera shy author.**_

Bella growled. _"Well, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!"_

**2 hours later.**

Bella looked around the table, making sure everyone had handed in the little paper before reading all the answers.

"_Ok remember, I will read all of the answers, plus the actual real answer. You have to guess what one you think is the correct one. If someone guesses your clue thinking it's the real one, you get a point."_

Everyone nodded.

"_**Gypsation: **__Guess 1 - The bus system that gypsies use."_

Bella paused. _"Guess 2 - Action or process of plastering with gypsum."_

Alice snorted.

Bella ignored her. _"Guess 3 - A very rare African flower."_

Bella paused. _"Guess 4 - An Asian herb often used in making candy."_

"_Alright Jasper, your guess?"_

Jasper tapped his chin. _"Hmm 4."_

"_Alice?"_

"_My Jazzy is a genius, so I agree 4."_

"_Edward?"_

Edward smirked. _"2"_

Bella giggled. _"Edward gets 4 points! 2 for getting the correct answer, and another 2 for fooling Jasper and Alice into picking his guess."_

Jasper threw his pencil and pouted. _"I quit! This game is lame and the name is fucking stupid!"_

Alice nodded.

Bella scrunched her nose up. _" I dunno Jasper, Balderdash is kind of fun to say! Just rolls right off the tongue."_

Jasper pouted some more.

**1 hour later.**

Edward's brow furrowed in concentration as he studied the card in front of him.

**Dressing room**

**1. Try on  
2. Clothes  
3. Change  
4. Costume  
5. Theater**

Edward nodded to himself before looking over at Bella. _"If you go to the store and you want to get something, but you're worried it won't fit. Where do you go?_

Bella smirked. Too easy. _"Why a dressing room of course!"_

Jasper growled before grabbing his own card, he wasn't about to lose this game!

**Wallpaper**

**1. Paste  
2. Hang  
3. Roll  
4. Razor Blade  
5. Paint**

"_I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."_ Jasper mentally psyched himself up before turning to Alice.

"_It can be layered."_

"_Hair?"_ Alice guessed.

Jasper groaned. _"You might do this when you move into a new house."_

Alice blinked.

Jasper narrowed his eyes. _"When you want it off, you have to strip it."_

Alice smirked. _"Your clothes?"_

"_It comes off the wall ea…"_

_**Bzzzzzzzzzz**_

Jasper growled. _"What the fuck Bella! I did not use any of the words that were listed in the top 5!"_

Bella rolled her eyes. _"No you didn't genius … But "wall" is part of the taboo word!"_

Jasper grabbed the devil buzzer from hell from Bella and flung it across the room before pointing his finger at everyone at the table. _"Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, and FUCK YOU TABOO!" _Jasper shouted.

**32 minutes later.**

"_Uno!" _Jasper smirked. There was no way he was going to lose this time.

The smirk slowly began to turn into a frown when Edward, than Bella, than Alice laid down a draw 4 card each. Forcing Jasper to draw 12 cards.

Jasper slowly stood up, pulled a lighter from his pocket, and set fire to the Uno deck.

"_Jasper!" _Alice screeched. _Jesus!_ She couldn't take him anywhere!

"_Ya'll cheated, I know it!" _Jasper protested.

"_Admit it Jasper, you lose!" _Bella taunted.

"_I want a rematch! How about phase 10?"_

"_No! You're a sore loser."_

"_Battleship?"_

"_No."_

"_Connect four?"_

"_No."_

"_Scared I'm gonna kick your ass right?" _Jasper nodded to himself.

Bella rolled her eyes. _"I can't handle anymore of your bitching!"_

"_Whatever … Candy land?"_

Everyone chose to act like Jasper was no longer in the room.

"_Bella, why is your phone singing "I shot the sheriff?"_ Edward asked.

Bella clapped excitedly. _"Daddy!"_

"_Hello?"_

"_Well, Hello baby girl. I just had the strangest thing happen to me."_

Bella's brow furrowed in confusion_. "Uh dad its late… What kind of strangeness have you gotten yourself into?"_

_Charlie smirked. "Well you see there I was minding my own business reading my paper…"_

Bella turned a frightening shade of green. _"Oh?"_

"_Now why is it that I have to find out my baby girl has a boyfriend from The Seattle Times?"_

"_It's new."_ Bella stammered out.

"_Well then, I'll see you and the new guy here next Sunday for lunch."_

"_But da…"_

"_I'll make sure Sue invites Seth and Jake as well."_ Charlie grinned.

Bella suddenly felt very worried for Edward's sanity. _"But da…"_

"_Did you want me to invite Leah as well?_

"_No! But da…"_

Charlie snickered. _"I don't want to hear it unless it's yes daddy we will be there for lunch."_

"_Yes daddy." _Bella mumbled.

"_Good, I love you baby girl. Don't forget to bring that boy with you."_

Bella sighed. Pondering all the ways Charlie was going to torment Edward. This could end very, very badly! Charlie was very mischievous, especially when it came to the men Bella dated.

"_Night dad, Love you."_

Bella looked at Edward pondering how to break the news. Deciding procrastination on this matter wasn't an option she just blurted it right out.

"_So Edward, You're coming to Forks next week to meet my dad… Surprise!"_

"_Ww-What?" _Edward squeaked.

Bella giggled. _"Dad saw our article and now demands you meet. Don't worry his bark is worse than his bite… Most of the time…"_

Edward groaned_. "Fuck my life!"_

**A/N: I'm having issues with my Tanya / Alec situation. I can't decide how I want to play out the broken condom! Have suggestions? Let me know.**

**A few awesome stories you should check out:**

**1- Lapped Traffic by Jaydmommy ... If you want to laugh till you pee your pants, this is the fic for you! Brilliant!**

**2- If I should die before I wake by cocoapurl ... Great read so far! Copward makes me do a little happy dance!**

**3- Comes & Goes by AlexaET ... Tattward and a homeless Bella.. Wonderful story!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: My muse has been sitting in the corner pouting for almost a week! She refused to talk to me until I started to unpack at my new house...Pushy little muse!**

**Thank you to those of you that took the time to review! Those make my day and keep me writing this silly story. Also a quick thanks to my beta Alley83!**

**Enjoy!**

Tanya Denali sat quietly, waiting patiently in her car for just the right moment. Going even just a minute before time would turn out bad, very bad for her.

With the help of Alec, Tanya had been able to get a good idea how the schedule worked at Civil War. She needed few people inside, definitely no Jasper around.

Taking one last glance around her, Tanya made her way into the shop.

Alec and Tanya had come up with the perfect plan. After Tanya confronted Edward, she would tell him she had moved on. Hoping that he would realize what he lost, and come crawling back to her.

Spotting Edward right away Tanya slowly sauntered over to him.

"_Edward… We need to talk, can we go somewhere private?"_

Edward's eyes narrowed. _"I have nothing to say to you Tanya! Whatever is it that you need to say can be done here."_

Tanya grinned. _"I'm not sure you want anyone else near for this conversation."_

"_Like I said, I have nothing to say to you. Speak your mind then get the hell out of here."_

Tanya put all her acting skills to good use and worked up some fake tears before looking at Edward.

"_I've moved on Edward!"_

Edward was relieved and was about to turn back around when Tanya started talking again.

"_Alec doesn't even mind that you gave me herpes." _Tanya stage whispered, making sure everyone in the shop heard that Edward had given her herpes.

**"_WHAT THE FUCK? I NEVER SLEPT WITH YOU TANYA!" _**Edward shouted, momentarily forgetting he was at his place of employment.

Tanya sensing she may be pushing him a little too far dropped down to a low whisper. _"I think I may have gotten herpes from the boxers of yours I've been wearing, you know the ones you left for me?"_

Edward was confused and looked at Tanya blankly._ "Boxers?"_

Tanya rolled her eyes. _"The ones you left for me at the laundry mat."_

Edward's eyes bugged out, was she for real? _"First off Tanya, I never left boxers for you! Second, you can't catch that shit from clothes, let alone clothes that have been washed AND dried!"_

Tanya was perplexed, how else would she of gotten herpes?

Meanwhile, Alec was cursing under his breath. He knew there was something he had forgotten to do. Re-fill his Valtrex prescription!

Tanya wailed and sniffled big, fat, fake tears streamed down her cheeks. Causing one of her false eyelashes to fall down and land directly on her upper lip, giving her a perfect little Hitler mustache.

Edward snorted deciding not to let her know about her little hair problem. _"Leave NOW Tanya!"_

Tanya glared, this wasn't going how she thought it would. _"You can't make me leave! I'm here to see my boyfriend! I was just being nice and letting you know you have herpes in case you didn't know!"_

Edward snorted again.

Tanya softened her voice, so only Edward could hear. _"You know, I'm sure Alec won't mind if we have one little romp before I go see him."_

"_Damn it Tanya! When are you going to learn that I LOVE BELLA!" _Edward shouted.

Neither one noticed the bright eyed brunette that had just walked into the shop.

Bella couldn't believe it! He loved her? She had known for awhile now that she was in love with him, but him loving her? She was happy as a little clam. Although the moment was slightly suckish since he told Tanya he was in love with her before he actually told Bella herself.

"_Edward?" _Bella asked quietly

Edward whipped his head around to look at Bella. _"Hello beautiful. When did you get here?" _

"_Long enough to hear that you love me?" _Bella asked making sure to keep her face blank.

Edward began to fidget. _"I'll understand if it's too soon for you Bella. It's just I've known since well before we even met that I was totally in love with you. I mean I know we haven't actually been together that long but it's how I feel… And..."_

"_Edward! You're rambling... Now shut up… Just shut up! You had me at Hello."_

Edward looked at Bella incredulously. _"Did you just quote Jerry Maguire?"_

Bella shrugged. _"I've always wanted to say that."_

Meanwhile Tanya was pissed! Why did Bella always have to be the center of attention?

Tanya had liked Bella at first, but soon enough she grew to despise her. No matter how hard she tried Bella always seemed to draw in more attention than her.

She had made it her mission to seduce any man that Bella had shown an interest in. Up until now it had worked perfect. She knew given enough time she could sway Edward, she just needed to be patient.

Deciding she had been silent long enough Tanya piped in. _"Hello Bella." _Tanya said in a sickly sweet tone.

Bella turned around and almost choked when she noticed Tanya's Hitler mustache. _"What the hell are you doing here Tanya?"_

Tanya grinned. _"I was just returning Edward's boxers he left for me."_

Bella watched horrified as Tanya lifted her skirt and removed a pair of boxer's right in the middle of the shop.

Bella really almost felt sorry for Tanya. She couldn't understand why she would need to stoop to this level. Bella trusted Edward fully, even if she hadn't of know the circumstances already on how Tanya had gotten them in the first place.

"_Don't you mean the boxers you stole from him?"_

Tanya huffed. _"No he left them for me!"_

"_Are you really that delusional?" _Bella was genuinely curious.

Tanya glared at Bella. _"Did you know that your precious Edward gave me herpes?_ Tanya shrieked.

Bella snorted then full out laughed at Tanya. She had one of two options at the moment she could **A.) **Beat the shit out of Tanya once and for all … Or! She could **B.) **Mess with Tanya just a little more.

Deciding option B was the best plan she plastered on a fake smile and turned to Tanya_. "T… We used to be so close, I had been meaning to call you and tell you something important but I guess I don't need to now!"_

Tanya's eyes widened in surprise. _"Huh?"_

Bella smiled like the Cheshire cat. _"Well… I heard about this acting gig, they are looking for a Brittany Spears look alike! They haven't had much luck finding someone willing to shave off all body hair before coming to the audition."_

Tanya was intrigued if she could just get an audition she was sure she could sleep with someone high up enough to get better parts, she just needed to get her foot in the door.

"_Really?"_

Bella nodded. _"Uh-huh I even have the number if you're interested."_

"_Well duh."_

Bella chose to ignore that one. _"But… You have to shave ALL your body hair off before you make the call. They can check that shit ya know?"_

Tanya frowned. _"How?"_

Bella rolled her eyes. _"They have a group of highly trained assassin midgets of course."_

Tanya nodded like it was a logical explanation.

All the while Edward sat quietly biting his tongue to keep from laughing out loud.

"_So do you want the number?"_

"_Of course I want the number!" _Tanya glared.

"_You have to go home right now and shave everything ok? I don't want the assassin midgets coming for me for telling you about this."_

Tanya thought for a second about not shaving just to get the midgets after Bella, but she wanted this audition more then she wanted to fuck with Bella so she quickly agreed.

Bella tried in vain to keep from laughing, a few giggles slipped out, thankfully Tanya was too self absorbed to notice.

"_Now call this number 555-765-6677. Ask them for the department in charge of the assassin midgets. It's a code name for the audition. If they try to tell you that they have no idea what you're talking about, you need to go to this address and go to the front desk and demand to be shown the assassin midgets wing."_

Tanya headed straight for the door, but before she could get out Bella stopped her.

"_Oh and Tanya?"_

"_Yea?"_

"_You need to get some of that fake tanner that turns your skin Orange. It's a metaphor for her Cheeto eating obsession."_

Tanya was perplexed. _"What's metaphor mean?"_

Bella gritted her teeth. _"Don't worry about that. Just remember No hair and Orange skin… Got it?"_

"_I'm not stupid Bella!" _Tanya sneered out. _"I hope you know I'm still going to be seeing Edward. Just because you told me about this part doesn't mean I'm going to drop him!"_

With that Tanya made her way out straight to Wal-Mart to pick up razors and self tanner.

Edward started to speak but was quickly cut off by Bella putting her hand over his mouth while pulling out her cell phone. Dialed the number, turned speaker phone on, and pulled Edward into the back room while she waited…

"_Hello, Thank you for calling Seattle Mental Health Institute. This is Heidi how may I help you?"_

Bella sniffled. _"Yes ma'am my friend is having hallucinations!"_

"_What kind of hallucinations miss?"_

"_Well she just keeps going on and on about assassin midgets out to get her!"_

"_Oh my! That does sound serious. Is there any way you can get her to come in for a consult?"_

"_I'm not sure ma'am. I will try and have her come in to the front desk and seek treatment. Is there any way she can be held without her consent?"_

"_If we believe she is a danger to herself or others then yes, she will be held on a 72 hour psyche consult."_

Bella whimpered for added effect. _"That's not all she's done…" _Bella whispered into the phone.

"_I understand this is hard for you miss, but could you tell me what else she has done to cause concern?"_

"_Well she keeps saying she's going to be Brittany Spears! She even shaved of her body hair and dyed her skin orange."_

"_Well miss, it sounds like your friend could really benefit from a stay with us."_

Bella nodded even though she knew Heidi couldn't see her. _"I think so to, I hate doing this to her!" _Bella wailed.

"_Now, now dear. If it helps I do believe you are doing the right thing by her. It's obvious she is delusion. We already have her description down, that will be passed off to the guards who are stationed at the front and back entrance. Can I get her name please to add to the information?"_

"_Tanya Denali."_

"_Ok miss. We have all the information needed. If she shows up here she will be well taken care of don't worry."_

Bella stifled a laugh. _"Oh I'm sure she will be in great hands. Thank you so much for all your help."_

"_It's our job. You have a nice day miss and don't worry Ms. Denali will get the help she needs."_

As soon as Bella hung up the phone her and Edward broke down. Wiping away tears from their laughing fits. Edward smiled down at Bella. _"God I love you woman!"_

"_I love you too, so very much Edward."_

That was the last words spoke while Edward showed Bella just how much he loves her… Twice.

"_Edward, honey stop!" _Bella pleaded.

"_I can't help it baby, he has a gun!" _Edward was panicked.

"_I don't understand why you are so nervous. It's not like he's a gangster ready to cap your ass! He's a cop for fucks sake!"_

"_But… He's not just a cop he's THE chief of police! Who also happens to be your father!" _Edward whined.

"_You have got to calm down Edward. He's like a dog… He can smell fear!"_

"_Oh sweet Jesus save me." _Edward started praying for his poor manhood. He was positive Charlie Swan was going to cut it off if he looked at Bella the wrong way in front of him.

"_Are you calm yet? We are almost there."_

"_I don't think I can do this Bella! Do I really have to meet your dad? Can't we wait a few years for this?_

Bella rolled her eyes. This had been going on for the entire trip from Seattle to Forks.

"_Edward." _Bella sighed. _"There is no way out of this… Besides we are already here."_

Edward felt faint.

"_Edward. Get out of the car."_

"_No!"_

"_Edward… Now!" _Bella glared and stomped her foot.

"_Nope."_

"_You do realize they can see us out here right? Get out."_

"_Uh… Still a nope."_

"_Stop acting like a baby and get out of the damn car."_

Edward glared at her. _"Fine." _Edward huffed.

Edward finally looked around, only to notice several motorcycles parked outside the house. _"Bella?"_

"_What now Edward?" _God she loved this man, but sometimes she just wanted to choke the shit out of him.

"_What's with all the bikes?"_

"_Huh?" _Bella finally noticed the scene in front of her. Fighting the urge to groan out loud. She was just about to warn Edward when the front door slammed open. Revealing Charlie Swan and all of the Forks Police Department.

Except they sure as hell didn't look like a police force. _"Oh no!" _Bella said too quietly for Edward to hear.

Edward wasn't sure how to react to the mass of men coming out of the house in front of him. All had on leather biker gear, tattoo's everywhere, shit kicken boots on, and guns! He was pretty sure one of the guys in the back even had a fucking eye patch!

Before Edward had a chance to do anything Charlie barked out orders.

"_Grab the boy now! Baby girl get in the house NOW."_

Bella couldn't decide if she wanted to save Edward the trauma of her father and his friends along with Jake and Seth or let this play out.

She looked to her shoulder angel/devil for advice. Oddly enough her shoulder angel was chillin' over with her devil drinkin' a bottle of Jack sitting back waiting for the show.

The angel looked up at Bella and shrugged her shoulders. _"What? That's what he gets for acting like that in the car!" _Devil Bella nodded along with Angel Bella.

Problem solved Bella headed into the house. Straight to the back window to watch this unfold.

Seth and Jake dragged Edward to the back of the house waiting for the next order.

"_Drop him in the hole. Cuff him Sam!" _Charlie growled out.

"_Is this a gr-grave?" _Edward stuttered out.

"_Did I give you permission to speak boy? On your knee's NOW!"_

Not wanting to piss him off further Edward dropped to his knee's wondering where Bella was and why she wasn't helping him.

Charlie was enjoying this as was Bella from her indoor vantage point.

"_Now boy… I hear you have been stalking my daughter on the internet. Are you some kind of pervert?_

"_Nn-No." _Edward stammered.

"_No what boy?"_

"_No sir!"_

"_That's better."_

"_Are you trying to take advantage of my baby girl boy?" _Charlie narrowed his eyes at Edward.

Edward was transfixed on the gun now pointed at his head and missed the chief's question.

"_ANSWER ME BOY!" _Charlie shouted.

"_No sir!" _Edward was pretty sure he was about to piss himself.

"_I want you to stay the fuck away from Bella."_

Edward gulped. _"No sir."_

"_What was that boy? I'm pretty sure I just heard you tell me no?"_

"_Yes sir."_

"_Well what is it boy. Yes or no?"_

"_Yes you heard me right sir, I said no." _Edward said with a little more confidence.

"_Now why is that?"_

"_I love her." _Edward said plainly.

"_I should believe that because?" _Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"_Because it's the truth sir. Bella is a special girl and I love her more than just about anything in the world. I would do anything for that girl in there."_

"_Open your mouth boy."_

Edward brow furrowed on confusion but did as he was asked. He quickly wished he hadn't when Charlie stuck the gun in his mouth.

"_You say anything boy, would you die for her?"_

Edward nodded.

"_Very well." _Charlie's mustache twitched, he was fighting a smile.

Edward heard the unmistakable sound of a gun cocking. He closed his eyes and waited for the bang that never came. Instead his mouth was filled with… a sweet liquid?

Edward licked his lips as Charlie removed the gun. Only to realize he had been shot with… Apple juice?

Edward whipped his head up to see a grinning Charlie.

"_You can take the cuffs off now boys." _Charlie laughed.

"_I'm confused!" _Edward stated.

Charlie snickered. _"Well son, You didn't piss yourself, or offer to leave my daughter when I told you to, you also let me put a gun in your mouth… So in my book you're alright kid. Welcome to the family." _Charlie slapped Edward on the back while helping him out of the hole.

"_Jesus! Now I see where Bella gets it from." _Edward chuckled while wiping his knee's off.

"_Damn straight! I taught her everything she knows." _Charlie said proudly.

Edward was introduced formally to the Forks PD before a blur of brown whizzed in front of him and started to climb him like a spider monkey.

"_Bella? What are yo…"_

Bella ignored his words and proceeded to lay the mother of all kisses on him, before a throat clearing broke them apart.

"_Alright, I gave you my blessing to date my daughter, not molest her in front of me!" _Charlie huffed.

Bella giggled_. "Damn you're good daddy! You almost had me going for a minute! And how long did it take you to dig this hole?"_

Charlie snorted. _"It's for the new drainage lines. Now enough serious talk! Let's head inside and grab a beer before Sue finishes lunch."_

After a delicious meal they all sat around the living room filling Edward in on Bella's younger antics.

"_Oh hell do you remember the first and only time B got high?"_

Bella groaned. _"NOOOOOOOOO! Seth you promised never to repeat this!"_

"_Oh hush… So anyways we had this huge bonfire down at the beach. Bella shows up trashed out of her mind and plops down next to me. For five minutes straight she just sits there and stares at the cable lines that run along the tree's. I was starting to get worried about her state of mind so I had to ask her what the hell was so interesting up there."_

Bella growled.

Seth ignored her and continued his story._ "She looks right at me and says… Seth, do ants drive cars? At that point I was seriously worried about brain damage but humored her anyways. I told her that they didn't make cars that small. She actually argued with me about this for half an hour!"_

Bella threw a pillow at Seth.

Seth dodged the pillow and continued. _"To make her theory right she pointed to the cable lines and says __**LOOK! **__All serious like so of course I look but don't really see anything. She argued to look closer and sure enough there was an ant walking across the line. I was still confused but Bella assured me that said ant was driving a tiny car across "Ant highway"_

Jake piped in. _"Remember when Bella thought I was stalking her?"_

Bella was looking for holes in the floor hoping to have one swallow her up. Maybe she could go jump in the hole out back?

"_That was priceless sweetie! You have to tell this one!"_ Seth excitedly clapped his hands.

Jake nodded. _"I had seen Seth around and thought he was sexy as all get out, but I was too nervous to actually talk to him… So I asked around about him and found out about his sister Bella. I figured my best bet to actually get to know more about him or even talk to him was to get to know her. So for the next month I just happened to show up everywhere she did. I always made it so I would have a reason to bump into her or talk to her." _

Bella decided to not jump in the hole herself, but to dump Jake's body in there… Maybe even Seth's for good measure.

"_This went on for awhile before one day I bumped into her on total accident this time. I just wanted to say Hi! But little miss Bella over there turned on me and cussed me from one side of the grocery store to the other, telling me that she was in no way interested so to leave her the fuck alone before… Get this…"_

Jake paused for dramatic effect. _"She punched me square in the jaw! Breaking her hand in the process! I figured the make-up and nail polish I was wearing would have let her know it wasn't that way with her!"_

Bella rolled her eyes but smiled none the less.

"_After I explained the situation to her, she became my biggest supporter in my efforts to get Seth's attention."_

Seth smiled softly at Jake before grabbing his hand and kissing his palm.

The Swan family spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know Edward. Charlie was pleased that Bella had finally found her happiness. He was in awe of his daughter, after the hell her mother had put her through it was astounding that she had turned into the amazing woman he saw before him.

Gone was the shy little 15 year old girl that first came to him broken. He had always worried he wouldn't be able to put her back together. Yet here she sat laughing and joking without a care in the world. It seems Edward was able to fix the few little broken pieces left over from Ben as well.

The front door slamming shut alerted them of a new arrival.

Leah huffed as she walked in the front door. She had been in a good mood until she pulled up and noticed that Bella was here.

Deciding maybe some Bella torture would cheer her back up Leah made her way into the living room only to stop dead in her tracks when she saw who was sitting next to Bella. _"Fuck!" _Leah hissed out looking like a deer caught in headlights.

Edward looked up to see who had came in, surprise lighting up his features as he looked at the new comer with fascination. "LeeLee what are you doing here?"

Shit, shit, shit! Leah wasn't sure what to do or how to respond when they wanted to know how she knew Edward.

She had never told her family about her trip to Chicago shortly before Bella had come to live with them. As far as Charlie and Sue knew she was staying at a friends in town.

They had somehow got separated from each other. While Leah was looking for her friend two men had grabbed her and drug her into an alley. If it wasn't for Edward and his friend Emmett hearing her cries… Leah shuddered at the thought of how much worse it could have been had they not of shown up and scared the men off.

Leah had managed to come out with only a few bruises and a cracked rib. It was mainly the reason why she hated Bella so much. Leah was going through the toughest time of her life and it seemed her parents were too focused on Bella to notice that anything was wrong with her.

Logically she knew it wasn't Bella's fault that she had snuck off and got attacked or even that Charlie and Sue doted on her so much. But the broken little girl inside her refused to see logic.

Deciding she had no other choice, Leah sat down and explained to everyone her trip and how Edward had saved her life that night.

By the time she was done with her story everyone was sniffling.

Bella wasn't sure what to do. She had so much pent up anger at Leah for all the things she had done to her over the years. But she quickly started to lose some of that anger knowing there was an actual reason for Leah's hate. Even if it was slightly skewed in her own head.

By no means did Bella believe they would be the best of friends, but maybe, just maybe they could at least be civil to one another.

After a few hours of talking and getting things all out in the open Bella and Edward decided it was time to leave.

For the first time ever before leaving Bella gave Leah a tentative hug and a small smile, that was hesitantly returned by Leah.

**A/N: I hope ya'll enjoyed this one and what I chose to do about the Alec/Tanya situation. Also giving Leah a reason to be a total bitch (even if the reasons are in her own head.) Have anything you would like to see our lovely couple do or go through? Send it with your review, and I will see what I can come up with! :)**

**What did ya'll think about Charlie and the boys?**

**One more thing! I'm stuck half way through Ch. 9... So I'm not exactly sure how long till I can manage to get past my block. Reviews will get a teaser of Ch. 9 to hold you over till me and my muse make up... again!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I do not own Twilight or any thing else that you might recognize in this story!**

**Quick thank you to my beta Alley83... You rock! *smooches***

**Now... *Stand up on a chair, and does The Carlton* Squeeeeeeee! You guys are awesome! I'm super happy to say my little fic broke 100 reviews! Seriously thank you so much for taking the time to review!**

**A last side note... I got a couple message's and a review about wanting lemons. I'm not really sure yet if I will add any. Not because I don't love a good lemon, it's just I'm not so confident I could actually pull one off.  
**-

Bella glared down at the ugly dress before her. She couldn't believe she was supposed to wear this god awful thing out in public! It was green … Not just any green but baby shit green. With ruffles and a giant orange bow on the back!

She sighed, there was a lot of things she would do for those she loved.

Give a kidney? Sure.

Be a shoulder to cry on? You name the place and Bella was there.

Revenge on someone who wronged you? She was your girl.

But this, this was just asking too much! She refused to wear this dress no matter how much she was bugged to do so.

_"Esme... You know I love you more than peanut butter loves jelly, but I refuse to wear this dress!"_

Esme giggled. She hated the damn dresses as much as Bella did. She had no backbone when it came to Mrs. Cullen. She had taken things way too far, this was supposed to be Esme's day damn it! Really who chooses baby shit green and orange as wedding colors?

Esme sat back and contemplated what to do. She could either suck it up and have a wedding she knew she was going to hate, or she could stand up for herself and tell Carlisle's mom to back the hell off.

_"I have an idea B! This will get you out of wearing that hideous dress, also get me out of having to have Tanya in my wedding!"_

Bella was all ears. She was up for anything as long as she didn't have to wear that thing, and could avoid Tanya. Although Bella was pretty sure Tanya would be held up for awhile with her midget assassins…

_"I have two words for you."_

Bella nodded for Esme to continue.

_"Las Vegas!" _Esme squealed.

Bella looked at Esme blankly. She couldn't believe that Esme had actually suggested Vegas!

"_What do you say B? Carlisle, me, you, and maybe that new boyfriend of yours spend a weekend in Vegas?" _Esme smiled. The first real smile she had used in awhile.

**Two days, one plane ride, and several drinks later:**

Bella sat at the blackjack table tapping her fingers slowly, glancing around the room looking for Edward.

Three hours ago somehow Esme and Bella had managed to lose Carlisle and Edward. She wasn't even sure how it happened. One minute they were all standing at the slot machines, the next Carlisle and Edward had just vanished.

Cell phone's were of no use as Bella and Esme had all of the cell phone's safely tucked away. She would never admit she spent a good hour calling his cell phone before she realized the annoying music she kept hearing was actually coming from her purse.

Bella sighed. _"Es, what are we going to do now?"_

Esme shrugged, too drunk to really care.

"_We could just go ba…"_

Bella was interrupted by her cell phone. Checking the caller ID she looked confused at the Unknown Caller sigh flashing across her screen.

"_Hello?"_

"_You have a collect call from … Edward Masen. Do you accept the charges? Press 1 for yes, hang up if you do not wish to be charged for this call." _Said the automated voice.

Bella frantically pressed 1 over, and over worried something was wrong with Edward.

"_Hey Sweetness!" _Edward slurred out.

"_Jesus! Edward, are you ok? Where are you?"_

"_At the lovely casino holding cells."_

"_You're in jail?" _Bella screeched.

"_Uh-huh." _Edward nodded. Totally oblivious that Bella couldn't see his head nod.

"_Why are you in jail?"_

"_Well you see this is what went down. When we were standing at the slot machine Carlisle saw him! We just wanted to look I swear. Then Carlisle decided he wanted to hop on his back and ride him! Giddy-up!" _Edward giggled.

Bella interrupted his girlish giggles. _"Wait who was Carlisle riding?"_

Esme narrowed her eyes.

"_Come on Bella! Keep up. Siegfried and Roy's tiger Montecore!"_

Bella snorted. _"Carlisle thought it would be a good idea to just jump on a TIGER?"_

"_Uh-huh, but that's now why we got arrested n stuff."_

"_Ok…" _Bella said slowly.

"_So after he got off Montecore, the damn thing turned around and snipped at him!"_

Bella interrupted again. _"Is he alright?"_

Edward rolled his eyes, or at least tried to_. "Again Bella, keep up! No he's fine! Anyways he snipped Carlisle's belt and button off his pants. Carlisle backed up and his pants fell off… So he bends over right behind the tiger to fix his pants when security shows up."_

"…_?"_

Bella waited…

Edward got distracted by a fly on the wall.

Bella waited…

Edward giggled. Hah! Flies puke when they land.

Bella waited…

Edward gagged, there could be fly puke where he was sitting!

Bella huffed. _"EDWARD!"_

"_What?" _Edward replied distractedly.

"_You were saying?" _Bella said impatiently.

"_Oh! Flies puke when they land, did you know that Bella? I bet you didn't, cause really if you did you would never eat outside at a BBQ… Cause flies puked on your food." _Edward rambled.

Bella grit her teeth. _"What about Carlisle's pants?"_

Edward frowned. _"Why are you interested in his pants?"_

"_Jesus Edward! Why the fuck are you in jail!"_

"_I already told you that!" _Edward huffed_. "Don't you ever listen to me? Indecent exposure, and apparently bestiality is illegal. Who knew?"_

Bella sighed. _"That's why Carlisle is in jail. Why are you in jail Edward?"_

"_I was jealous! He got shiny bracelets and I wanted to wear some also! It wasn't fair so I argued till they let me have some." _Edward giggled some more.

Bella groaned. It was a good thing she loved this over-grown man child or she would let his ass rot in jail.

**Two hours, several promises to never let Edward, and Carlisle near Montecore again later:**

Edward sighed happily as he slammed another shot of Tequila down. _"Baby, thanks for springing me from the slammer. I'm way too pretty for jail, and I might drop the soap on accident! I don't want to be someone's bitch!" _Edward shuddered.

Carlisle sat in the corner of the booth rocking back and forth mumbling something about _"wanting his mommy."_

Esme hiccupped. _"Hey! Let's go get married now!"_

Had they of been sober, they would of quickly realized that getting married while drunk was abso-fuckin-lutely stupid. Drunken logic won out, this would be an awesome idea!

Carlisle and Esme stood in front of a very bad Elvis impersonator and his slew of go-go dancing wedding singers.

Carlisle was still wearing his Montecore shredded jeans, duct tape around his waist to keep them up. Hey don't knock it, duct tape can fix ANYTHING!

Esme had decided to wear one of her bridesmaid dresses. Her thinking was Mrs. Cullen couldn't be mad about this because her dress was still in the wedding. Say it with me now… drunken logic is fuckawesome. Yes!

The ceremony had just started when the doors of the church burst open revealing a very disheveled woman and a camera crew.

Carlisle was too transfixed staring at Elvis in awe to turn around. He couldn't believe he was right here in front of Elvis! He may of squealed just a little.

The disheveled woman began to rant, and scream_. "I can't believe you are doing this to me! How could you leave me and our 5 kids? For this tramp? We are still married! How did you expect to marry someone else?"_

The camera crew made it to Carlisle before he had a chance to react they shoved a microphone into his face.

"_Your on Cheaters very first LIVE edition! What do you have to say for yourself being caught red handed?"_

Carlisle burst into tears, repeatedly apologizing for being a shitty husband, and father to his kid's, and how sorry he was that he couldn't quite remember their names. God what kind of dad was he? He couldn't even remember his own kids names! Or his wife's for that matter.

Carlisle looked at Esme totally ignoring the fact that Esme had yanked the god awful orange bow off her dress and was now trying to strangle him with it.

"_How can you want to marry me Esme? I'm an awful husband and father." _Carlisle wailed.

The camera crew gaped at Carlisle, they had quickly realized they had busted up the wrong wedding.

Disheveled woman was mortified. _"Oh shit! You are not my husband!"_

"_Are you sure?" _Carlisle asked.

"_Uh… Yes I'm positive."_

"_How can you be sure?"_

"_I'm pretty sure I can pick my own husband out in a line up!"_

In Carlisle's drunken stupor his verbal filter seemed to of vanished as he took a closer look at the disheveled woman. _"Hey! I know you. You are married to Dr. Volturi! Retina?"_

"_It's Renata…"_

"_Yes, yes that's what I said Retina." _Carlisle nodded, then giggled before whispering. Well in his mind it was whispering in reality it was barely softer then a shout.

"_You know you are much prettier than nurse Gianna that your husband is screwing."_

**One wedding, several missing memories, and a video camera later:**

Bella groaned. _"Ugh!" _She was pretty sure the assassin midgets had left Seattle in order to dance around with tiny hammer's in her head.

From the groaning, moaning, and crying she heard coming from the bathroom, Bella could assume that Edward wasn't doing much better than her this morning.

Rolling over slowly while trying to keep her head under the blanket to avoid the devil sun, Bella felt around for her phone to check what time it was. Noticing that her phone was blinking she decided to see who it was from before she made her way to the bathroom.

Bella's brow furrowed in confusion. Why in the hell would she have a video message sent to her from well herself?

Deciding she couldn't deal with anything until she got some water, Advil, and a fucking toothbrush, Bella headed to the bathroom.

She stumbled into the bathroom mumbled a quite _"morning" _to Edward before raiding her overnight bag for advil.

"_Baby?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Did we get a cat last night?" _Edward asked seriously.

"_What the… No we didn't get a cat. Why?"_

"_Because it smells like a cat crawled into your mouth and shit last night." _

Bella glared at Edward, and stomped across the room to get Edward's little travel size toothpaste, ignoring her screaming head.

She squirted the whole tube in her mouth at once and shot Edward a smug smile, that quickly left her face when she started to dry heave, thus losing all her cool points she earned from using all his toothpaste.

Edward burst out laughing, which he instantly regretted. His poor, poor pounding head.

Once Bella had finished her heaving she turned her glare back on Edward again.

"_Laugh all you want, at least I'm not the one wearing a fucking tutu!" _Bella snapped.

Edward looked down and sure enough he was wearing a hot pink glitter tutu. How he failed to notice before Edward would never know.

Bella ignored Edward and made her way to the bed where she flopped down hoping to rid herself of this stupid hangover.

As soon as she hit the bed Bella yelped. Her ass hurt! No you pervs not form that!

"_Edward!" _Bella shouted.

Edward came running into the room looking for a fire or anything that would cause Bella to freak out like she was.

Looking around nothing was amiss. Puzzled he looked at Bella. _"Yea?"_

"_What the fuck is on my ass? It hurts and it feels all scabby!" _Bella began to panic.

Edward studied Bella's ass before his eyes went wide. _"Holy shit! You got a tattoo! Did I do it?"_

Bella glared. _"How the fuck would I know that Edward? I don't even remember getting one to begin with! What's it of?"_

"_PropertyofEdwardMasen." _Edward said quickly while trying to dodge whatever Bella was going to throw at him when she realized what he had just said.

"_Huh?"_

Edward sighed. _"It says … Property of Edward Masen."_

"_Get the fuck out, no way."_

Edward grabbed Bella's phone, snapped a picture then handed it back to Bella.

Bella looked at the picture for a long time before she burst out laughing. Leave it to her to get a tattoo on her ass during a night of drunken debauchery.

Edward sat dumb struck. That was not what he expected her reaction to be.

"_What?" _Bella shrugged. _"I already knew I was yours Edward."_

Edward smiled. He rather liked Bella being branded with his name forever.

"_Oh hey! I noticed earlier I sent myself a video message last night. Want to check it out with me?"_

Edward nodded and sat down beside Bella to watch the video on her phone.

**Video Message:**

"_Bella and Edward…" _Edward started then stopped to look behind him.

"_That just sounds weird, can't I just say us?"_

Bella came into view _"No! Of course you can't. How will we know that we are the us that you are talking about?"_

Edward scratched his head trying to understand what the hell she just said. Shrugging his shoulders Edward started again.

"_Edward Swan and Bella Masen…"_

Bella interrupted. _"Hey drunkward you messed our names up! Now how are we supposed to know that we are the us you are talking about earlier if us can't even say our names right?"_

Edward was confused.

Bella sighed and grabbed the phone putting it way too close to her face.

"_Bella Swan and Edward Masen this is your mission if sober us choose to take the mission."_

"_That shit is confusing drunkella, and how's come you can say us?"_

"_Drunkella? Really?"_

"_What? You called me drunkward first!" _Edward argued.

Bella ignored him. _"Under the bed you will find a black duffel bag filled with all the items, and instructions you will need to complete this mission."_

As Bella pointed to the bag, Edward could be seen in the background wearing a Darth Vader mask while singing Super Freak, and attempting to moonwalk...

"_This will be ep…"_

Edward grabbed the camera from Bella.

"_Luke… I am your fathe…"_

Bella smacked Edward upside his head.

"_Owe! What did I do?"_

"_This is serious business Edward! We need to be thorough if we want sober Edward and Bella to do this!"_

Edward pouted.

"_Now like I was saying… All you need is in the bag, make sure to burn the evidence as soon as your mission is over. Drunken Edward, and drunken Bella would like to remain anonymous, and if asked will deny, deny, deny!" _

Edward grabbed the camera back before Bella could stop him, holding it above his head so she couldn't take it away again.

"_May the force be with you young sober versions of us. Hah! Look Bella I said us, and you can't reach the phone to stop me! Neener, neener, neener."_

The camera zoomed in on a jumping Bella, slightly resembling a Chihuahua on crack.

Bella giggles then promptly kicks Edward's shin.

The video ended there leaving Bella and Edward gaping at the phone.

"_Well, on the plus side… At least you didn't have the tutu on yet." _Bella stated after several minutes of silence.

Edward ignored her, and pulled a black duffel out from under the bed.

Slowly looking at the contents of the bag Bella had to just pat herself on the back. Drunken Bella and Edward were freaking brilliant! This would be a fucktastic prank of epic proportion.

**Four Advil, Three gallons of water, and an elevator ride later:**

Bella stuck her ear to the hotel room door listening for signs of life inside. Once she was sure no one was moving around she placed the key in the door, and silently made her way inside with Edward close behind.

Edward made his way across the room and picked Esme up bridle style while placing a hand over her mouth to make sure she didn't scream before taking her out of the room. He would explain things to her once he was safely away from the room.

Bella went about setting up all the props from the duffel bag before heading into the bathroom to put on her special outfit from the bag of fun.

Once she was satisfied with her outfit Bella left the bathroom and gently climbed into bed with Carlisle. Shifting so his arm was draped over her waist.

**Two hours, and one small cat nap for Bella later:**

Bella knew the moment that Carlisle woke up. His whole body went rigid, then he sprang off the bed.

She laid perfectly still feigning sleep. Until she felt Carlisle cautiously poking her.

Bella grinned and rolled. _"Mmmm good morning tiger." _Bella purred.

Carlisle resembled a fish with his mouth opening and closing with no sound coming out.

"_Cat got your tongue?"_

"_Bb-Bella?" _Carlisle was so very confused.

"_Hmm I enjoyed it more when you were screaming my name last night tiger."_

Carlisle went to rub his forehead when a sparkling object caught his attention.

"_What the fuck is that?" _Carlisle shouted.

"_It's your wedding ring silly! See they match." _Bella squealed while waving her ring finger for Carlisle to see her gold band.

"_I don't understand."_

Bella made her lip quiver a little_. "You don't remember our wedding?"_

Carlisle's face lost all color.

"_You told me that you had always loved me! We snuck off to the little white chapel and got married." _Bella was having a serious problem with keeping a straight face for all of this.

Poor Carlisle looked like he was about to have a stroke.

Bella got out of bed making sure to keep her front facing Carlisle as she backed up.

Carlisle began to hyperventilate, when he saw the front of Bella's tank. In bright red letters across her chest it said "Mrs. Bella Cullen."

Once Bella was positive Carlisle had read her shirt she turned around and bent over to grab the last thing from the bag of fun.

Carlisle felt faint when he noticed the "Carlisle's Wifey" shorts Bella was wearing.

Bella snuck her cell phone out to send a quick text to Edward that it was time for phase 2. Before making her way back to Carlisle.

Ignoring the bed, Bella climbed right into his lap and handed Carlisle a piece of paper. Praying he wouldn't notice it was just a Xerox copy of his real marriage license.

They had copied the license then used white out to change the names then Xeroxed that one. How drunken Bella and Edward had got all of this done was a mystery.

A slight knock at the door and a muffled _"Room Service" _brought Carlisle out of his near panic attack, that was until an irate Edward, and distraught Esme barged into the room.

Carlisle froze, then quickly jumped up, dropping Bella on the floor in the process.

"_I didn't do it! It was all her!"_ Carlisle shouted while pointing a finger at Bella.

Edward glared.

Esme wailed.

Bella rubbed her poor ass.

"_How could you Carlisle? Haven't I always been good to you? Love you unconditionally, put your needs before mine own?"_

"_Esme .. I.. I…I."_

"_Did you sleep with her?" _Esme whimpered.

Edward started to stalk Carlisle.

"_NO! Well… I…" _Carlisle had no fucking clue.

"_Bella! What have you done?" _Edward shouted.

Bella shrank back, thanking god this was all an act.

"_ANSWER ME!"_

Bella stood up and stomped her foot. _"He loves me! There is absolutely nothing you two can do!"_

"_I do not!" _Carlisle argued.

Bella's eye's began to water. _"You don't love me?"_

Great now he felt like shit for hurting her. _"Of course I love you, jus…"_

"_You LOVE her? For how long Carlisle? Why would you come to Vegas with me to get married, if you are in love with Bella?"_

Edward decided it was time to up the ante.

"_Bella, bend over the bed NOW! It's time to remind you who owns you!" _Edward growled while removing his belt.

Bella's eyebrow shot up in surprise. Domward was kind of hot.

"_Tsk tsk my little kitten. Do you remember what happened last time you disobeyed me? In case you forget let me remind you of how you couldn't sit down right for a week. Would you like more lashes this time with my belt kitten?" _Edward hissed.

"_Now just wait a damn minute! You get away from her." _Carlisle said panicked.

Edward winked at Bella before turning on Carlisle. _"What I do with my property is none of you fucking business. Unless you want to take her punishment for her?"_

Carlisle hadn't thought that far in advance. Jesus what the fuck! He was terrified of Edward right about now.

"_Carl-isle." _Edward said in a sing song voice.

How the fuck did he end up in this mess? He was a doctor for gods sake!

"_Oh Carlisle! I'm waiting, tick-tock tick-tock."_

Carlisle was lost in his own mind… What was he going to do now? He was married to Bella, destroyed Esme, and had a very pissed off Edward on his hands. The worst part? He had no fucking clue how this all came to be in the first place.

"_Carlisle!"_

He never even had the smallest fantasy about Bella. Sure he thought she was beautiful, but he never had eyes for anyone but his Esme.

"_CARLISLE."_

Startled Carlisle finally looked up. Just in time to see Edward come flying across the room, grab him by his shirt and slam him into the wall.

Carlisle sharted a little.

"_Give me one good reason why I shouldn't mess that pretty little face of yours up." _Edward taunted.

"_Because I don't remember?"_

Edward couldn't take it anymore he had to end this shit before he died from holding his laughter in.

"_Carlisle?"_

Carlisle swallowed hard. _"What?"_

"_GOT YA!" _Edward shouted before giving in to his need to laugh, shortly followed by Esme and Bella.

Carlisle stared dumbfounded around the room with no idea what the hell had just happened.

"_What the fuck?"_

Once the laughing trio calmed down, they explained to Carlisle all they had learned from the video message and the contents of the bag of fun.

Digging through the bag one last time Bella found a picture she hadn't noticed before.

Tilting her head and taking a closer look, Bella became very bewildered.

"_Is that Joey Greco? From Cheaters?" _Bella asked while passing the obvious wedding photo around.

The photo was of Bella, Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Elvis, and Joey Graco?

Esme cocked her head to the side while she studied the picture. She was way too appalled of the dress she was wearing to notice the Cheaters dude.

Edward snorted. _"Sure looks like it, why the hell was he there?"_

Everyone shrugged.

"_What's the last thing you guys remember?" _Esme whispered.

"_Getting the wonder duo out of jail." _Bella glared at Edward.

Carlisle, Edward, and Esme all had a big black hole in their memory after leaving the holding cells.

Bella groaned_. "That leaves hours of missing time. What the fucking hell did we do?"_

Deciding hangover food was needed in order to process anything the unhappy foursome headed off to their own rooms to get ready for breakfast.

**Four showers, Three pots of coffee and a plate of greasy food later:**

"_So let me see if I got this right. In one night we managed to do all of these things plus who the hell knows what else." _Bella stated while scribbling down notes on her napkin.

**1 - Carlisle and Edward got arrested.  
****2 - Esme and Carlisle got married.  
****2.5 - Had some kind of run in with Cheater's?  
****3 - Bella, Esme and Carlisle got tattoo's.  
****4 - Edward realized he had a new love for tutu's.**

"_Did I miss anything?" _Bella's question was met with three sets of shoulders shrugging.

If it wasn't for the magic bag of fun duffel bag they would have had no idea about half the stuff they had done the night before.

"_Esme, Carlisle where, and what are you tattoo's of?" _Edward was curious.

Esme turned six shades of red. _"If you laugh I swear to god I will murder you in your sleep. I have Property of Bella Swan on my ass!" _Esme hissed.

Bella snorted.

Edward quirked an eyebrow.

"_Carlisle?"_

"_Mine is on my ass as well…"_ Carlisle paused, he was stalling.

"_And…?"_

Carlisle groaned_. "I'm someone's bitch!"_

Edward choked.

Bella snorted.

Esme giggled.

Carlisle was not amused… At all!

"_We should be banned from Vegas. I can't believe this was my idea!" _Esme muttered.

Everyone nodded in agreement. They were sure it was a trip they would never forget… If only they could remember everything they did.

**One plane ride, and a pact to never speak of this trip again later:**

The foursome silently made their way off the plane towards baggage claim. Everyone lost in thought, trying to remember the events of the trip. All seeming to have several gaps of lost time.

After all luggage was claimed and a silent head nod of agreement, this would never be spoken of again. They split off in pairs, heading home.

Little did they know that Cheater's wedding had 3 million hits overnight on youtube, and would be talked about for years to come…

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the little Vegas wedding! Chapter 10 is in the works, but its a special one! I'm not working alone for it! The lovely "NativeVampire" is helping me out with it! Reviews to this chapter get a teaser for Ch. 10!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: If you recognize it, I don't own it!**

**Thank you to everyone that took the time to review/read/favorite/alert this story! *Group hug!***

**Thank you also to my awesome beta Alley83! Who by now is probably ready to choke me with all the times she has to correct my then/than and your/you're! **

**One last thing... *Drum roll* I co-wrote this chapter with the lovely "NativeVampire"... So props to her, for putting up with my crazy brain! Also for coming up with some of the emails for this chapter!  
-**

It had been 3 months since Bella and Edward had returned from the trip that was to be never spoken of again. She refused to acknowledge the trip, even if millions of people had already seen what happened on youtube.

Things had been pretty blissful. Bella and Edward had grown much closer these last few months, and the best part? It had been months since either one of them had to deal with Tanya.

Tanya was still "away" at acting school.

In other words, she was spending her days learning the important lessons of life. Like don't run with sharp objects, all thanks to The Seattle Mental Health Institute.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Bella sighed, then glared down at the empty screen of her computer.

She hadn't seen Edward in two days! Bella had hit a block in her writing. So she chose to isolate herself until she could get a little work done. Bella failed to realize just how much she would miss Edward. They talked on the phone and texted, but it just wasn't the same.

Bella was having a hard time with her story mainly because she was so damn happy in her life right now. This book had started at a bad time in her life, therefore the book was extremely sad for the majority of it. She had already written the ending of this book that had been an easy task for Bella, since the ending was a happy one.

She had even tried placing herself back in the mind frame of the days post Tanya/Ben. Even that didn't help much because Bella would get a mental picture of Ben working at the pretzel place in the mall, or remember that Tanya was away in the nut house. So all of her effort was lost as Bella would immediately start to giggle.

Bella was almost desperate enough to call Renee… Almost. If anyone was able to put her in a bad place mentally, it was her mother. She had nixed that idea promptly. There was no way Bella wanted to open that can of worms. Knowing that if she called Renee, she would be stuck dealing with her harassment for months to come.

With one final glare, Bella closed out her blank document and went to her email.

Bella was surprised to see a new email from Edward, it had been months since they had emailed each other. She actually kind of missed them. Now given the choice between how things are now, and how things were when it was just emailing, Bella would choose now over emails any day. It didn't mean she couldn't miss them though.

**To: Bookworm (at) mail (dot) com  
****From: Green-Eye-Devil (at) mail (dot) com  
****Date: Oct 23, 2011 9:45 am  
****Subject: Do you trust me?**

**Good morning beautiful,**

**8 months ago today, you changed my life. Bella you turned it upside down, or maybe it was always upside down and you just turned it right side up?**

**Love, I know you might be confused, or even freaked out as to why I am emailing you since we have not done so in months. But I promise this will end well...hope it does anyway. The choice is all up to you. **

**Once upon a time, lovers would communicate with each other by giving them roses with colors that had certain meanings behind them. So I will be borrowing that idea, as well as expressing my feelings to you through email. **

**This will make more sense once you get to the next part of our little adventure. When you are done reading this, head to the place it all began, Eclipse.**

**My Bella, I remember you that first night at Eclipse. I noticed you as soon as I walked in that door. I can remember how beautiful you looked on the dance floor, you looked so care free, and so damn sexy and beautiful. I don't know how long I stood and just gazed at you. **

**I wanted to make my way over to you, and introduce myself, but I was sidetracked by Emmett, nothing new there I guess, he tends to need a lot of attention.**

**When you bumped into me, I was hoping you would turn around and look at me, but I know now it was not the right time for us to meet. Now that I have you, I do not want to let go of you. So please, play along with me on this adventure I have created, and see where you end up. **

**Enjoy your adventure my little bookworm.**

**I love you  
Devil**

Bella clapped excitedly! Not only did Edward have something planned for her, but she also got out of trying to make the main character in her book cope with her true love leaving her.

Bella grabbed her keys, cell phone, and wallet before throwing on some chucks, and sprinting out to her behemoth.

It didn't take her long to reach Eclipse, even if her truck refused to go over 55. What surprised Bella was that Angela was standing outside the doors holding an envelope, and a rose.

Puzzled Bella approached Angela.

_"Angie?"_

_"Oh Bella, there you are! I was starting to wonder if I was going to be stuck standing out here all day."_

_"What are you doing here?"_

_"I'm the first stop on your adventure silly girl, here read this first."_ Angela stated as she pushed the envelope towards Bella's eager hands.

Bella was confused. Looking inside the envelope, Bella noticed a printed out email.

**Bella,**

**I see you have started your adventure! I'm hoping you will enjoy this as much as I have enjoyed setting all of this in motion.**

**You are a beautiful person Bella, inside, and out. You don't need fancy clothes, or make up, nor do you need anything else to enhance your natural beauty.**

**You could have 3 eyes, and a peg leg. I would still think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I fell for your beautiful heart and soul before I knew the beauty you possess on the outside.**

**All of these reasons, and many more, is why you are now the proud owner of a dark red rose. It's meaning being Unconscious beauty.**

**One of these days I will make you understand the effect you have on people. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. **

**It's time for your adventure to continue. Take your rose to the place I learned a valuable lesson in humility. The Ice skating rink.**

**I love you  
****Edward**

Bella sniffled, trying her hardest not to cry. That idea was shot to shit when she looked over her shoulder to see a very misty eyed Angela, who had been slyly reading the email over Bella's shoulder.

_"Your brother is such a fuckawesome guy!"_ Bella wailed.

Angela nodded. Why didn't Emmett do this kind of shit? _"I know!"_ she mumbled.

_"I'm going to be a snotty mess by the end of this, if he keeps saying stuff like this!"_

_"You better get going then. The faster you make your stops, the faster you get to Edward!"_

She hugged Angela quickly before heading off to the mall.

Bella gaped at Emmett while rubbing her eyes just to make sure she hadn't started hallucinating. Nope sure enough, there was Emmett in all his huge glory twirling and prancing around on the ice, with a rose hanging out of his mouth.

She shook her head, trying to rid herself of those images, it's just fucking unnatural for someone of his size to prance!

_"Yo! Bells! Catch!"_ Emmett shouted while tossing his rose at Bella.

Totally forgetting common sense, Bella grabbed the rose, only to drop it immediately.

_"What the hell Emmett? Fuck!"_

Emmett cocked his head to the side, totally confused by her reaction. _"Huh?"_

Bella held up her slightly bloody hand right before she passed the hell out… again. Fucking skating rink!

When Bella finally came back around the first thing she noticed was a very giddy looking Emmett, frantically hitting buttons on his cell phone.

Groaning Bella sat up. _"No need to call the cavalry Emmett, I'm fine."_

_"What? I wasn't calling anyone, I was looking up a song on youtube, just for you."_

Bella raised her eyebrow at Emmett, just before the lyrics of said song caught her attention.

**Every rose has it's thorn  
****Just like every night has it's dawn  
****Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song  
****Every rose has it's thorn.**

Emmett's snickering was cut off quickly by a smack to the back of his head.

Emmett glared._ "Why the hell is everyone always hitting me?"_

_"Enough DJ Em! You have something for me?"_ She said quietly. Bella all the sudden felt like she should be in a dark alley somewhere slipping Em some cash for her "package".

Emmett narrowed his eyes, but passed Bella her envelope and rose.

Bella ignored Emmett's pouting and tore open her envelope.

**Hello again beautiful,**

**If you are reading this then you have found Emmett at that god forsaken skating rink you drug me too. Even though I ended up with stitches, and an aching groin, it was all worth it just to see a smile on your beautiful face. **

**You were given a white rose which means purity, and innocence. I chose this color because of how our relationship started off. It took us a little more than 2 months to actually meet, but it was worth every single second of that wait, and I'd do it all again if I had too.**

**From the start there was something very innocent about our interactions. There was no hidden motives, no agenda's. Just two people getting to know each other. Without the distractions we may have run across in reality.**

**I promise you sweetheart, my love for you is pure. I want no other, nor do I ever see myself with anyone but you.**

**Now my beauty It's time to continue this little adventure, you will find your next message at Civil War.**

**I love you.  
****Edward**

After a quick good bye to Emmett, Bella was off to Civil War. Bella found an eager Jasper pacing back and forth in front of the shop.

_"Are you alright B? I saw the video of you passing out, at the ice rink on youtube a few minutes ago."_

_"What the hell? How was that even on youtube? It just happened 20 minutes ago!"_

Jasper simply raised an eyebrow.

_"Emmett!"_ Bella growled.

Jasper nodded.

_"Fucking youtube! I swear to god anytime something happens it's magically on that fucking website!"_

Jasper ignored Bella's ranting, choosing to shove the next envelope into her hands to distract her.

It worked. Bella quickly forgot about that evil website, and tore into her letter from Edward.

**Bella,**

**I see you have made it to Civil War, and Jasper has presented you with a yellow rose that has a red tip. This flower stands for friendship, and falling in love.**

**I remember our days of the friendship we first created months ago. The morning coffee we shared with each other. I may love you, but let me be honest here… You are horrible in the mornings! **

**The lunches we had together. Do you know that those were the highlights of my day? I would constantly count down the seconds so I could see you that much faster and hear your voice.**

**I can remember the very first time I saw you in this very shop, you may not have seen me, but I sure as hell saw you that day. Even with your head in some other guys lap, you still took my breath away.**

**This also happens to be the first place I told you that I loved you, well more like shouted it at someone else, but the point is still the same. It was here that you knew my love for you.**

**My love grows for you more, and more every single day. You truly are amazing, and I feel honored to call you mine.**

**Your adventure is growing short, the prize is insight. Can you make it just a little longer my bookworm? Head down the highway, right after exit 96 you will find a small turn off, take that road, when you reach the fork in the road, pull over and you will get your next message there.**

**I love you  
****Edward**

Bella giggled, remembering the day that Edward had first said I love you to her. If you forget the she-devil that was there, it was the perfect moment.

_"Do you know what this is all about Jasper?_

_"I sure do darlin', but you're going to have to wait just a little while longer."_

Bella pouted, pulling out her best puppy dog pout. _"Please?"_

Jasper smiled. _"I don't think so! That pout doesn't work on me, you should know this by now."_

_"I'll slip you all the answer's next time we play Taboo!"_

_"Nope, still not going to tell you." _Jasper stated firmly.

_"I'll hide Uno cards for you."_

_"Nope." _Jasper was losing his resolve.

_"No more Balderdash… ever."_

Jasper contemplated giving in, before shaking his head. This was way too important to Edward to give in to the awesomeness that Bella was offering.

_"Can't do it darlin'."_

_"Fine, I see where your loyalty lies. Will you at least tell me who will be meeting me at the next stop?"_

_"Why, Alice of course."_

Sure enough standing in the middle of nowhere bouncing on the balls of her feet was Alice.

_"Hey Ali, got something for me?"_ Bella asked while making her way to her overly excited friend.

_"I do! This is so exciting Bella!"_

Bella grinned as she opened the envelope.

**My angel,**

**Are you curios yet as to why I have you in the middle of nowhere, stuck at some random fork in the road?**

**Let me first explain that the dark pink rose Alice has given you means thank you.**

**There are a lot of things I could thank you for but the main one? Thank you for choosing the path less traveled. You could have just ignored my first email, like most people would of done.**

**You didn't though. You took it upon yourself to stick up for someone that you didn't even know. It's one of the many reasons I love you.**

**You also could of shied away from me, because I don't exactly look normal. You chose to look past my ink, and steal to see the man I am on the inside. You don't love me in spite of my differences, you love me because of them.**

**I will keep this short, as I can only assume you are as anxious for the end as I am by now. After reading this I want you to go to the beautiful beaches of La Push for your next message.**

**In parting I leave you with the wise words of Robert Frost.**

**Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
****And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth;  
Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim,  
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;  
Though as for that the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same,  
And both that morning equally lay  
In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I kept the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,  
I doubted if I should ever come back.  
I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference. **

By the end of the letter both Bella and Alice were crying. Not just little quite tears, this was all out wails, snot, and spit dribbling cries.

_"I'm so glad I decided to be a bitch that night!"_

Alice slyly wiped her snotty nose on the sleeve of her coat. _"God, he is so sweet. How do you stand it?"_

Bella stealthily wiped her snotty nose on the shoulder of Alice's coat as she hugged her. _"He doesn't look normal? I don't see that when I look at him! I see what a wonderful person he is! I should find everyone that has ever said a bad thing about my Edward and kick their shins!"_

Alice nodded.

By the time Alice and Bella had finally calmed down, 30 minutes had passed.

_"I've got to go Alice, I can't stand the suspense anymore! I need to see Edward, and figure out what this is all about."_

Alice gave Bella a knowing smile, before giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek.

While Bella drove to La Push, she kept going over everything Edward had written to her today. What was this all for? It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her, but she really had no clue why he was doing this.

Deciding not to dwell on her questions, she would learn soon enough. Bella spent the rest of her drive to La Push thinking of all the naughty things she was going to do to her sweet, sweet boyfriend tonight when this was all over with.

_"Hey Jake!"_

Jake smiled down at Bella. _"Are you getting anxious yet?"_

Bella snorted. _"I've been anxious since I got the first email this morning."_

_"You're going to know soon enough, how about we just relax awhile and watch the tide come in?"_

Bella tapped her foot.

Jake ignored her and walked towards the water.

_"Jake, letter NOW!"_

Jake snickered, but ignored Bella.

Bella glared at Jake, she wanted that damn letter! Who the hell really needs to watch the tide come in?

_"Come sit with me."_

_"Damn it Jake! Give the letter to me now, or I'll tell Charlie it was you that side swiped his cruiser last year."_

Jake paled. _"You wouldn't."_

Bella just smirked.

Begrudgingly Jake handed Bella her letter, and rose.

**Isabella,**

**Jacob presents you with an orange rose. This represents desire and fascination. **

**Do you know how much I desire you every second of the day, Bella? I not only want the physical with you, but everything else you have to offer. The intelligence you possess, the passion that flows through you, the warm and giving heart that beats in your chest, and the beauty that you put into everything you do. I would name more my love, and I will. **

**I can remember times when I created mixed images of you and bookworm in my mind. I wanted you both so, so, so much but I was too frightened to admit it. I can remember many times when you were angry, how sexy you looked in that moment to me, and you still are when you wear any emotion on that face of yours.**

**My feisty little bookworm, do not EVER change who you are. When you kissed me at the bar...I was fire and ice at the same time. I froze because I was in a complete daze from the gentle touch of your lips. I was also aflame for you, and how you felt against my mouth. Does that make sense? When I knew you were bookworm all the ice quickly melted away, and I was left with only a raging fire for you. It grows and grows my beauty.**

**You adventure is coming to a close, just one more to go. Make your way to Charlie's for the final piece of this puzzle.**

**I love you  
Edward**

Bella was giddy. She couldn't wait to see Edward. Whatever he was doing this for, didn't matter to Bella really, just as long as he was waiting for her in the end.

Bella glanced up, and realized Jake was staring at her with a soft smile on his handsome face.

_"Joking aside Bella, I'm really happy for you."_

_"Thanks Jake."_

_"Now you go get that fine piece of man meat of yours!"_

_"Hey now!"_ Bella grinned at Jake, before hopping in her truck.

Bella was in such a hurry to find Edward, she nearly ran Seth over in her haste to get into the house.

Seth chuckled. _"Whoa there little sis! Where do you think you're going?"_

_"I'm a woman on a mission! I need to see Edward."_ Bella said impatiently, she had waited long enough.

_"Hmm, I think you are forgetting something."_

_"What?"_

Seth held up an envelope, and 2 rose's for Bella to see.

Bella groaned. _''I thought Jake was the last person I would have to go through before getting to Edward!"_

_"Nope! That would be me."_

Bella narrowed her eyes at Seth, what is it with people and stalling?

Seth reached over, and kissed Bella's forehead before handing her the last letter and roses.

**My Bella,**

**You are near the end, do you feel it in the pit of your stomach? We are not far from each other, trust me, as you have been. At last Seth presents you with a red rose, and a white rose. The meaning is quite simple, yet beautiful and represents what I hope for our relationship, Unity.**

**You and I are united Bella. I knew nothing would keep us apart when I heard you say you were Bookworm. When I chose to reply to that email you sent me, never in my wildest dreams did I think it could lead me to my forever.**

**It all fell into place for me and every day since then has been heaven for me. When I sat in that grave Charlie dug, I was not going to give up. I respected your father, but I wanted you, I love you. I had worked so hard in finding you, and I refuse to ever give you up without a fight. I meant every single word I said to your father that afternoon.**

**Life is about choice. I have made mine, now it's your turn angel. You are my forever, the question is, am I yours?I give you my inked body, my heart, and my soul for without you I am nothing. If this is what you want, come around the house to my waiting arms.**

**I love you  
Edward**

Edward was a nervous wreck! He had been pacing for the last hour around the Swan's backyard.

A lot of thought had gone into this proposal. Bella was a very special girl, so in his mind no ordinary proposal would do.

When the idea of getting a tattoo came to him, it didn't take him long to decide what it would be. The hardest part of this whole idea? Keeping Bella from finding out about his new tattoo before she was supposed to.

The tattoo itself was simple, at least to anyone who didn't know the story behind the images that would forever be marked over his heart. A single open book, with a little worm curled around the words "Marry me Bella."

Footsteps brought Edward back to the present. It was show time Edward thought as he dropped to one knee.

He waited until Bella was all the way in view before he began to speak.

_"Bella, I see you had enough faith in me to follow my messages all day today. Since you are standing in front of me, I know you agree that we are each other's forever. Before you I was just going through the motions of life, it wasn't until I met you that I truly felt alive. I know there is no one else more perfect for me then you. I want to spend the rest of my life proving my love for you. I want to grow old and grey with you by my side. I want to have beautiful babies with you, I want it all."_

Edward took a deep slow breath before uttering the words that would change him forever.

_"Bella I promise to love you till my very last breath. Will you marry me?"_

Bella failed to register exactly what Edward had just said to her. Her focus was intently honed in on his bare chest.

With out a conscious thought, Bella slowly walked towards Edward, licked her finger then promptly started rubbing it over the markings covering his heart.

Bella added in some nail scraping for good measure, you can never be too sure.

After several minutes of scrubbing, and scraping, leaving a very pink chested Edward. Bella realized the tattoo was indeed real and not some drawn up prank he was playing on her.

The first words out of her mouth after his heart felt speech you may ask? _"Holy fuck, is that a tattoo? Is it real?"_ Brilliant Bella, just brilliant.

Like she hadn't just spent the last 5 minutes practically rubbing his chest raw to prove that it was in fact real.

It was then that Bella finally took the time to look around. She all together stopped breathing when she realized all the people standing around holding beautiful bouquets of the very same color roses that Bella had received throughout the day.

How she loved her Edward. Bella couldn't believe he had done all of this for her. Even more so the tattoo was amazing. She really couldn't imagine a life without Edward in it.

As the time grew longer, Edward began to fidget. It had been 5 minutes since Bella had said anything at all.

_"Bella?"_ Edward asked nervously.

She had been so lost in her own little world that Edward's voice startled her.

_"Yea?"_

_"So um, what do you say?"_

_"Oh fuck me sideways!"_ Bella blurted out before jumping on Edward, knocking him to the ground in the process. She couldn't believe she actually forgot to answer him!

_"I love you Edward, more than words can describe. Yes I want to marry you, and have beautiful green eyed babies with you!"_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes!"_ Bella shouted before attacking Edward.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the proposal!**

**I was asked by several people about missing Vegas memories. I am still undecided if I will do a side chapter for just those memories or not. Soooo... *pauses for dramatic effect.* As my way of saying thank you, to those that take the time to review... You will be getting a missing Vegas memory as a reply to your review!**


	11. Missing Vegas memory: Tattoo

**A/N I do not own Twilight blah, blah, blah!**

**I know I said this would only be given out for reviews, but I felt bad! I'm guilty of not always reviewing a story that I read. Sometimes I have lots of updated stories to read, and I'm itching to check out the next on my list, so I totally forget to review the one I had just read! So here you have it… A short memory from Vegas. If you reviewed and already seen this, thanks again for reviewing!**

**I have a question, totally silly questions. You don't have to review to this or even answer, but really I'm curious.**

**What exactly equals a purring voice? I'm guilty of putting those exact words into my own story, but that's just how fic goes! When I try to purr? I sound like I've got something stuck in my throat lol…**

**Only in fics will you see someone groan, purr, whimper, squeal, squeak, and moan that would put a porn star to shame, and all this in just 1 chapter!**

**Ok enough rambling!**

**-Missing Vegas memory: Tattoo-**

"Stop looking at my girls ass!"

The man ignored Edward.

"Fucker, are you deaf? Get your eyes off her."

The man made no motion to stop what he was doing.

Edward narrowed his eyes, and started poking the man's chest. "What the fuck? I've warned you! STOP EYE FUCKING HER, YOU SICK FUCK!"

"Edward." Bella called out.

Edward ignored the voice and continued to lay into the beady eyed man.

"Edward!"

"Bella there is seriously something wrong with this dude! His skins hard as rock, and is ice cold to the touch."

Bella giggled. "Edward."

"That ass you seem so fond of? Yea that's my property fucker! Along with everything else on that beautiful body of hers."

"EDWARD!" Bella shouted.

"What? I'm about to teach this guy some manners."

"Sweetie, he can't stop. It's a statue Edward!" Bella rolled her eyes.

"I don't care! He shouldn't look at you that way."

Edward grabbed Bella, threw her over his shoulder and set out on a mission.

"Edward, why am I upside down, and where are we going?"

"We are going to mark that beautiful ass of yours!"

"With what?"

"My name of course."

Bella giggled. "Well ok then! Let's do it."

**One drunken shoulder ride and a few stumbles later:**

"What would you like ma'am?"

"I want property of Edward Masen on my ass, so all the statue's of the world know I'm off limits."

Tattoo dude simply raised an eyebrow at the obviously drunken woman, then shrugged his shoulders. "It's your ass lady, follow me."

20 minutes later found Bella gingerly sitting down, while Esme happily took Bella's spot in the tattoo chair.

"I want one just like hers! Without the Edward Masen part, cause that would just be weird."

"What name would you like then?"

Esme missed the questions, as she was lost in thought thinking about what a great friend Bella was… Esme decided to write Bella a song.

"Bella Swan."

Tattoo guy nodded.

Esme missed the exchange and continued to try and make up a Bella worthy song.

"B- ella, ella, ella eh, eh"

Esme hummed. "You can stand under my B-ella, ella, ella, eh, eh."

Esme scrunched up her nose. Why would you want to stand under Bella? Time to start over!

Esme giggled, totally clueless to the tattoo artist putting Bella Swan on her ass.

**Meanwhile in drunken Carlisle/Edward land:**

Carlisle stared at Edward in awe. What would he do without his new hero?

"Sup man? What kind of ink you looking to get tonight?"

Carlisle turned serious. "I want someone to remember my time in the big house, yea… Me and my boy Edward here just got out of prison, served 3-5."

Tattoo dude nodded. "Damn, 3-5 years that sucks."

"Not years, hours." Carlisle shuddered.

Tattoo dude snorted. "Alright, what do you want then?"

Carlisle eyes glazed over. "I'm someone's bitch!" he thought out loud.

Tattoo dude shrugged and started up the gun.

"If it wasn't for me being Edward's bitch, I may have gotten violated in the shower if I dropped the soap!"

Edward nodded. "I got your back little C."

"I know you do big E, That's why I'm getting this tattoo! To always remind myself that I'm your bitch."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I do not own Twilight, or anything else you may recognize in this story.**

**Thank you so much to everyone that took the time to read/review/favorite/alert this story. It means the world to me that people can get enjoyment out of my slightly strange mind. :) Also thank you to my awesome beta Alley83.  
**

**On another note, sorry this chapter is a little late! Want to know what's awesome? Having a child with the stomach flu... Want to know what's fuckawesome? Having 3 children and a husband (who might as well be a child with the way he is acting) with the stomach flu! Needless to say this week has been spent knee deep in throwing up children! ew!**

**One last note... I have done something I wasn't sure I would... *pauses and bites her nails.* A lemon! Please be gentle with me it's my first time.  
**

_"Bella…"_

_"Not a word Edward."_

_"But Bel…"_

_"I mean it Edward, not a fucking word!"_

Edward felt horrible, how could he apologize if she wouldn't let him talk?

_"I'm sorry."_ Edward muttered quickly.

Bella shot Edward a death glare.

It wasn't that Bella was mad at Edward per say… Technically it wasn't his fault, and she knew that. It still didn't change the fact she was pissed off and more than a little embarrassed.

A timid knock, and shuffling feet broke the tension of the room.

_"Ah, my beautiful Swan, so lovely to see you again."_ The doctor said while leering down at Bella.

Bella blushed slightly.

Edward gaped.

_"Now my sweet little thing, what brings you to see me tonight?"_

_"I cut my foot."_ Bella mumbled out while shooting another glare at Edward.

_"Let's have a look ok?"_

The Doctor spent the next 5 minutes looking over Bella's foot, while slyly rubbing their hands over her calf. Definitely not being totally professional.

_"How did you manage this one beautiful?"_ Asked the Doctor, while ignoring the tall man gaping like a fish.

_"I stepped on my razor in the shower…"_ There was no way in hell Bella was going to tell the Doctor it was a failed attempt at shower sex. It's always fun to joke about dropping the soap, till it actually happens and your partner drops you!

Really, who ever thought of having sex in the shower is an idiot! Bella didn't only have this opinion because she was in the hospital. It was the many other things that happen during shower sex that people don't usually talk about.

Water up the nose, slipping and falling, a moan being cut off midway through because you just inhaled enough water to fill a small fish tank, or better yet water in your eyes! Really Bella could sit for quite awhile thinking of all the reasons to NOT have sex in the shower.

The real question is, if she felt this way why was she now in the ER because of it? Easy, she can't say no to Edward's cute pout.

Bella was brought out of her musing by the Doctor's soothing voice.

_"Look's like you're going to get a few stitches sweets."_ The Doctor stated while going back to rubbing Bella's leg, just a little higher than before.

All the while Edward gaped, too shocked to say much of anything. He couldn't believe the Doctor was blatantly flirting with Bella right in front of him.

Twenty minutes later Bella wasn't feeling much thanks to the fuckawesome Doctor, or maybe it was just the pain medication she had taken.

_"All done beautiful. If it starts hurting just take some Tylenol. Also I'm going to give you a shot of antibiotics. Foot injuries tend to get infected easily so that's just a precaution."_

The Doctor paused._ "Now that business is all done, how about you let me take you out sometime?"_

Bella giggled. Every time she came to the ER she always seemed to get the same Doctor, and every time the Doctor asked the same question.

_"Carmen… I will tell you again, just like I always do. If I ever decide to swing that way you will be the first to know."_

Carmen was a beautiful woman, with her Hispanic heritage giving her a beautiful skin tone, along with dark hair and hazel eyes. She had a body that most women would kill to get. Hell Bella wasn't into woman, but even she got a boner just looking at her. Well if she had the right part's Bella was sure she would get a stiffy.

Carmen frowned. _"You can't blame a girl for trying! One of these days you are going to realize we would be great together."_

Another half hour was spent going over after care instructions, which Bella ignored. She had heard this same speech more times then she could count.

_"Are you sure?"_

Bella sighed. Edward had been asking the same question ever since they left the hospital 2 hours ago.

_"I'm positive hun. You have been looking forward to this convention for months. It's just a few stitches I'll be fine… Promise."_

Edward had been set to go away for a tattoo convention tomorrow morning, but in light of Bella's situation he was trying his best to talk her into letting him stay. He still felt guilty over dropping her, even if it was the fucking soap's fault! Really he was minding his own business and the soap just jumped off the ledge and attacked his feet!

_"Maybe I can only go to the Chicago one and skip the others I had planned on going to?"_ Edward had already set things up for a 2 week trip before he had met Bella.

Bella wanted to be selfish and make Edward stay with her, not because she needed the help, she wasn't an invalid! She just knew that she was going to miss Edward.

_"Go Edward. I'll be here waiting for you."_

Edward sighed._ "Are you sure? I really won't mind staying home with you baby."_

Bella narrowed her eyes, but remained silent.

Edward groaned._ "Fine, but I'm going to blow up your damn phone while I'm gone."_

**2 weeks, several calls, and a trip to the winter festival later:**

_"I want a funnel cake… No wait a corn dog!"_

Bella snickered. _"Are you sure that's what you want?"_

Emmett scratched his head, deep in thought. _"Well now you have me second guessing myself! How about some cotton candy?"_

Bella remained silent.

_"Ok no cotton candy… How about some of those fan-fucking-tastic home made fries?"_

Bella tilted her head.

_"Fuck little sis, I give up… I'm just getting them all!"_

Bella smirked. _"You're going to regret that."_

_"Pfft! I have an iron stomach. As soon as I get all this eaten I'm dragging Eddie to the gravatron!"_

_"Stop fucking calling me Eddie!"_ Edward grumbled while smacking Emmett.

Emmett growled._ "I've asked it before and I'll ask it again. Why the fuck does everyone always hit me?"_

Everyone ignored Emmett and went about trying to win a way over priced cheap toy.

Three hundred dollars later Bella was the proud owner of a goldfish. She had tried telling Edward to just let it go, but nooooo he just had to prove he could get the little ring around the bottle.

He never succeeded, the carnie felt sorry for him and gave him a half dead fish for his efforts.

Bella was poking her little fish's bag wondering if it was normal for a fish to swim on its side when she was startled by someone tapping her shoulder.

_"Bella Swan is that you?"_

Slightly puzzled Bella turned around to see who was calling her name, only to quickly wish she hadn't acknowledged it.

_"Wow, long time no see Mike."_

Mike nodded. _"Yea, I was going to call you after our date, but I kind of got grounded."_

Bella's eyes bugged out. _"Uh, that was like a year ago Mike."_ Bella refused to think about Mike being in his late 20s and still getting grounded.

_"I know, I was really bad."_ Mike blushed slightly.

She was almost afraid to ask, but curiosity always won out where Bella was concerned. _"What did you do?"_

Mike's slight blush turned into a flaming red one.

_"mymomfound... afewmonthsworth... ofher..."_ inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, gulp._ "VictoriaSecrets... magazinesunder... mybed.."_ Mike said so quickly and quietly that Bella had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

_"Huh?"_

Mike was praying he would get struck by lightning at this very moment.

_"My mom found a few months worth of her Victoria Secrets magazine's under my bed."_

Bella had no idea how to respond to that statement. There was just so many things wrong with it. Bella feared if she opened her mouth she wouldn't be able to stop the laughing fit that was steadily building up inside.

Thankfully Bella was saved from her laughing fit and a case of verbal vomit by Edward.

She sighed contently when she felt Edward place a possessive arm around her waist. Bella had spent the last 2 weeks moping and pouting. She missed Edward more then she thought possible. Sure she had all her friends and of course her book to keep her preoccupied, but it just wasn't the same without Edward.

_"Edward this is Mike Newton… Mike this is my fiancé Edward."_

Mike's eyes widened as he took in the large tattooed man in front of him. He unconsciously took a step back.

Edward's smirk turned smug when he realized who this was. Bella had told him all about the awful match making skills of Alice.

_"Sup?"_ Edward nodded. No need to be rude, even if this tool had dated his Bella at one time.

Mike swallowed… hard._ "Nn-not much, just saying Hi to Bella… So Hi Bella… Bye Bella!"_ Mike stuttered out quickly before turning and practically sprinting away.

Bella giggled._ "Thank you for saving me."_

_"It's my job baby! I'm your knight in a shining Volvo."_

Bella snorted. She couldn't believe that Edward was the proud new owner of a Volvo.

_"Let's go. We're suppose to be meeting Angie and Emmett at the Tilt-o-Whirl."_

Edward nodded.

_"Emmett… Do you really think you should be eating all that shit before we get on a ride that spins so much?"_ Bella asked slightly amused.

_"Pfft."_ Emmett rolled his eyes. _"I told you I have an iron stomach."_

_"You better not puke on me!"_

Emmett ignored Bella as they all climbed into their seats.

_"Woooooooooo!"_ Emmett giggled. _"Yeaaaaaaaaaaa! This is awesome!"_

Bella watched in fascination as Emmett's yells got quieter, and his face slowly turned green.

_"I warned y…"_

Bella's words stopped short as she watched in half amusement and half disgust as Emmett yanked off his hat and proceeded to vomit… In his own hat.

Emmett didn't say a word as he climbed off the ride, holding his hat out far from his body while searching for a trash can, ignoring the laughing trio behind him.

Once the hat was taken care of Emmett turned around to face the chuckle heads. _"Well… I say we get a funnel cake, then hit the gravatron next!"_

Bella gaped.

Edward wasn't surprised.

Angie rolled her eyes. Typical Emmett.

**2 funnel cakes for Emmett, 4 numbers for Bella, and a potty break later:**

_"This line is too fucking long."_ Whined Emmett.

_"Stop being a bitch Emmett."_

Emmett glared at Edward.

_"Bella?"_

Four sets of eyes turned on the 3 people walking up to Bella.

Bella groaned, wondering if she was being punked.

_"James, nice to see you again."_

James squealed and grabbed Bella in a tight hug.

Edward narrowed his eyes.

James was oblivious to Edward's glare. _"God it's been forever! How are you doing?"_

_"Um… Good."_ Bella was getting uncomfortable with him invading her personal space.

A throat clearing brought James out of his girlish squeals.

_"Oh! I want you to meet some people Bella! If it wasn't for you my life wouldn't be as great as it is now."_

Bella nodded, slightly perplexed. Looking at the striking red head woman and the very feminine man next to her.

_"Bella this is my boyfriend Laurent, and our wife Victoria."_

Bella's eyes bugged out. _"Come again?"_

James giggled. _"Well after our failed attempt at a date, I realized I would never be happy without my Victoria. She couldn't choose between us either, so we decided to just all be together."_

Edward bit his lip to keep from laughing. Jesus, is this what Bella's life was before him? If she wasn't an author already she sure as hell could make a book about her past dating.

_"Wow…"_ Bella had no idea what else to say.

_"I know it's great right? We are actually in talks with a TV station to do a show on our life. It's going to be called "Brother Husbands" you should check it out."_

_"Baby, we need to go… It was nice meeting you Bella."_ Victoria stated while giving Bella a tight hug, squeezing her ass just a little.

Bella let out a nervous chuckle. _"You too."_

They all watched them walk away hand in hand in hand. It's like a train wreck, you don't really want to watch it, yet you can't seem to not watch it.

_"Who do you think the woman in that relationship is? Victoria or Laurent?"_

Emmett's question was met with 3 swift smacks to his head.

_"Fuck! Stop hitting me, or I'm going to go fucking brain dead!"_

Emmett's plea was ignored as everyone turned back to wait in line.

As the night went on, Edward grew more and more agitated. He knew Bella was a beautiful woman, but it wasn't easy to see so many men hit on her right in front of him.

It didn't matter if he was touching her or 10 feet away, these tools didn't seem to mind that she had a ring on her finger either.

Logically Edward knew he had nothing to worry about, Bella loved him not these fucktards. His ego however didn't want to listen to logic.

He wondered if Bella would be mad at him if he pissed on her leg to mark his territory. Edward quickly threw that idea out, she would definitely be mad for that one.

_"Baby?"_

_"What?"_ Edward asked distractedly, still pondering marking Bella.

_"Are you ok? It's our turn to get on."_

_"I'm fine."_ Edward sighed, he was being silly.

Thankfully they managed to finish the ride without anyone tossing their cookies.

_"Edward?"_

_"Hmm?"_ Edward mumbled out, too focused on trying, once again, to get the damn ring around the bottle.

Bella sighed. _"I'm going to get some cotton candy before we head home."_

_"Yea sure, get me some too please?"_

Bella rolled her eyes as she headed off to the food cart.

She was having an internal debate with herself over the merits of pink cotton candy Vs. blue, when she felt a hand roughly grab her ass.

Bella giggled. _"Couldn't stay away I see."_

_"You're just too sexy standing over here biting on that pouty lip of yours."_

Bella gasped and quickly spun around._ "Who the fuck are you?"_ She demanded while looking at the large man in front of her. Of course at 5'2 it didn't take much for a man to look large to Bella. If she had to guess he was probably just over 6' tall with greasy black hair and beady dark eyes. If the sweat dripping off his forehead didn't gross her out his smell sure as hell would have; weed and alcohol, not a nice smell combination.

_"I'm the man that's going to put that dirty little mouth of yours too good use."_

_"I don't fucking think so!"_

_"Oh, so this is how you want to play it then? I like 'em feisty._" The man stated as he ran his finger down her cheek.

Bella shuddered, than squared her shoulders, ready to put this asshole in his place.

She opened her mouth but snapped it shut when she saw a murderous looking Edward stalking over to her.

Edward didn't wait for an explanation; he was past hearing reason no matter what the excuse was. He simply cocked his fist back and flung it forward connecting with the douche bag's nose.

Once Edward heard the satisfying crack of the man's nose, he turned and grabbing Bella flung her over his shoulder and headed to the car.

_"Edward?"_ Bella asked quietly while trying not to puke from being upside down and getting jiggled around.

Edward grunted, still too hopped up on adrenaline to talk. His only mission was to get Bella home and replace the images of another man's hands on her.

_"Where are we going, damn it?"_ Bella hissed when she realized they were leaving the festival. She really wanted that blue cotton candy!

_"Home."_ Edward growled.

Bella decided to stop talking and let Edward cool down. She had never really seen him this worked up. She was not the least bit ashamed to admit that she was seriously turned on by Caveward.

Edward placed Bella on her feet once they reached the car before he promptly pushed her against the side of it.

This wasn't the normal sweet kiss Bella was used to. This was possessive and primal.

Edward pulled away leaving a breathless puddle of Bella goo._ "Get in."_ He gruffly told her.

The ride home was silent. For her part Bella was still trying to get her bearings back from that damn kiss. For his part Edward was trying to calm his inner beast. It wasn't working.

Before Bella had the front door totally closed, Edward had her up against the wall.

Bella had no idea when or where her underwear and pants had gone, although at this point she really didn't care.

Edward's pants seemed to have magically disappeared as well. Maybe she had a pant's ninja under her front porch?

Bella mentally giggled picturing a little garden gnome dressed in black under her stairs waiting to steal pants. Oddly enough the gnome looked an awful lot like Alice…

Bella's inner monologue was cut short by Edward.

With a quick swipe of his fingers to make sure Bella was ready, he thrust into her hard without much warning.

_"Tell me who you belong to Bella."_ Edward ground out.

Bella was having problem thinking straight, let alone saying words.

Edward thrust harder reaching down to pinch her clit. _"Tell me! Who makes you cum Bella?"_

Bella moaned louder at his words.

Edward slowed his pace, making sure to keep Bella just at the edge but refusing to let her fall over. _"Who owns this pussy?"_ He whispered harshly in Bella's ear.

_"Oh god!"_ Bella whimpered.

_"That's not what I want to hear! Who does this to you Bella? Who makes you cum so hard you can't even remember your own name? Tell me!"_ Edward demanded while setting up a grueling pace that had Bella smacking her head into the wall.

Neither seemed to care about the rattling pictures along the wall.

Somewhere deep inside his head, Edward knew he shouldn't be so rough with her, but he couldn't seem to stop. Thinking of another man touching his Bella had him not thinking straight. Bella didn't seem to mind either.

_"Yy-You do!"_ Bella stuttered out, hell she would of told him anything he wanted to hear just as long as he didn't stop what he was doing.

_"That's right baby. I own every single inch of your tight little pussy."_

_"Mmmm."_ Bella moaned quietly.

_"You like when I take you rough like this kitten?"_

Bella nodded frantically.

Edward chuckled darkly while moving his hand down Bella's body, rubbing tight circles on her already sensitive clit.

_"Fuck!"_ Bella shouted as her whole body convulsed in pleasure.

Bella's orgasm pulled Edward along with her causing a muttered_ "shit"_ to be ground out as Edward bit down on Bella's shoulder, marking her for all to see. There would be no confusion, she was his.

When Bella finally was able to feel her own legs again she looked over at Edward who was sporting a goofy grin on his beautiful face.

_"Jesus, Possessiveward needs to come out and play more often."_ Bella wheezed out, still trying to catch her breath.

_"Bella?"_

_"Yea?"_

_"How in the hell did your panties get on the ceiling fan?"_

Bella looked up and sure enough her panties were going round and round. How fitting, guess they had their own little carnival ride tonight.

**Eight weeks later…**

_"Edward?"_

_"What's up baby?_

_"You know those discussions we have had about all your "wards"?"_

_"Drunkward, Jelousward, Inkward, Caveward, Sweetward, Possesiveward, and even a little Geekward. Am I forgetting anyone?"_

Several times over their relationship Bella had referred to him as some kind of "ward" other than Edward. He always found her nicknames for him quite funny.

_"Just one… It's a new one I think you will enjoy."_ Bella stated slyly.

Edward chucked, anxious to hear what his love had come up with this time.

_"Ok, hit me with it woman, what's my new one?"_

_"Daddyward…"_

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed my little slice of lemon pie.**

**The whole Tilt-o-Whirl bit is actually a true story of how my husband lost his favorite hat... I warned him! But did he listen to me about those foods? Of course not.**

**A few awesome stories you should check out if you haven't yet.**

-**  
It's a sign by CaraNo - Daddyward with an adorable hearing impaired daughter. Add "nanny" Bella into the story and you're in for a killer ride.**

**Amongst the Living by DazzlinSparkle05 - Anxiousward meets Spunkella. Great story... Very interesting take on the Cullens.**

**Bridges by Savory - A very cute love story.**

**Reviews get a teaser to the next chapter. :)  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Just a quick note before I leave you alone to read!**

**1- I do not own Twilight or anything else you may recognize**

**2 - Read at the risk of your own IQ! This chapter has not been Beta'd... My beta is MIA right now. I figured you had waited long enough, so decided to post it anyways!**

**3 - I got a few PM's about my posting schedule. Sadly I don't really have one. As most of you know from my previous A/N's I have 3 small children. So writing gets pushed aside a lot of the time. I try to get them out once a week, but sometimes that's just not possible.**

**4 - Thank you so much to everyone that took the time to read and review my story! *Smooches!***

**5 - Last but not least... I fought with this chapter a lot! I started and deleted it more times than I care to say. In the end I scrapped it, and decided to use my own Dr. visit. I do not work in the medical profession. Everything just comes from my experience.  
**

Bella and Edward sat in the cold, little sterile room waiting for the ultrasound tech to come in. It had been 2 weeks since she told Edward about the baby.

To say he was excited would have been putting it lightly. He had immediately grabbed her in a tight hug, then quickly let her go for fear he was going to "squish his baby."

Then her hard core tattoo man had cried, while telling her over, and over how much he loved her.

They had tried to get into the Doctor right away, but was told Bella needed to be at least 10 weeks before she could get in, and by her calculations at the time she was only 8 weeks along.

A knock on the door brought Bella out of memory lane.

_"Hello Ms. Swan. I'll be doing your ultrasound this morning. Are you excited?_" The tech asked with a gentle smile.

_"Nervous, but excited."_

_"Alright by your calculations you are 10 weeks. We should be able to get a good look at your baby with a belly scan, if not we may have to switch to a trans-vaginal scan."_

Bella gulped.

Edward eyes grew wide. _"What is that?"_

The tech snickered. While pulling what looked like a giant dildo from her cart, and a condom. _"This is the trans-vaginal wand. Sometimes you are too early along, and the baby is too small to be seen with a normal ultrasound. So we insert this wand to get a closer look inside."_

Edward paled.

Bella giggled at Edward's reaction, then quickly shut up when she realized this was no laughing matter, that shit was going to be shoved in her poor hoo-hoo!

"Alright go ahead and pull your shirt up, and push your pants down to your pubic bone."

Bella did as she was told, anxious to get a look at her baby.

_"Let's take a look shall we?"_

Bella and Edward watched with rapt attention as the tech squirted gel all over Bella's belly.

The tech was quite for sometime, while the parents in waiting grew somewhat worried by her silence. Neither could really make out much on the grainy little screen.

_"Ah there we are. See?"_

Bella and Edward had no idea what they were looking at, but nodded regardless.

_"Alright, when you see the little flicker on the screen. That will be the babies heartbeat."_

Bella teared up immediately.

Edward wasn't much better.

_"You see the baby and the heartbeat?"_

Bella looked over at Edward to see his reaction before the tech interrupted her.

_"You see the baby and the heartbeat?"_

Bella's head whipped around to look at the tech. _"That is the same baby right?"_

Edward patted Bella's arm and spoke as one might to a small child asking why they couldn't play in traffic.

She wanted to kick him.

_"Of course it is Bella. Why would y…"_

Edward was interrupted by the tech.

_"No it's not."_

Edward lost the condescending tone with a quickness. _"What?"_ he squeaked out.

Bella turned a smug smile in Edward's direction. _"Not so smart are you now Mr. know it all?"_

Edward was too shocked to notice Bella's smug smile.

_"Looks like you're having twins."_ The tech stated, then went right back to doing the scan.

Bella gaped at the woman… That's it? She had just rocked Bella's world six ways from Sunday and she just goes about the scan like all is well in the world?

_"It looks like you were correct on your progress. The babies are due around August 14th. With twins it's normal to go earlier, so I wouldn't be surprised if you have them in July sometime."_

Bella nodded mutely. Not exactly sure how to feel about twins. God! She wasn't sure she would be a good mother to one baby, let alone two at the same time!

All it took was one look at Edward's soft smile and see the genuine happiness on his face that let Bella know, no matter what they would be ok as long as they did it together.

Fifteen more minutes of clicking and measuring before the nurse took Bella back to an exam room for the dreaded pap.

Edward chose to wait in the car, he had already been traumatized enough just looking at the damn dildo wand of doom.

Bella sat nervously on the bed, tapping her foot. She hated being a woman sometimes, and this just happened to be one of those times. I mean really who enjoys having a stranger stick a "duck bill" torture device up your hoo-hoo and crank it open?

She was slightly startled when the exam room door opened, without someone knocking first. That's just rude! What if she was naked? It wasn't like the nurse wouldn't see her naked eventually, but still it was rude!

Bella was relieved to see a short slightly overweight older woman walk in.

_"I see you're having twins! Congratulations."_

Bella nodded. Still not quite sure how to react to the thought of 2 babies growing inside her.

_"I'll make this quick and possible, I'm bringing in someone to watch over your pap. Would you feel more comfortable with a male or female supervisor?"_

_"Female."_ Bella muttered out. If she had her way, no one aside from Edward would be all up close and personal with her hoo-hoo. Alas it looked like she had no choice, so a female would have to do.

_"Ok sweetheart, you just lay back and put your feet up in the stirrups. I'll be back in just a minute."_

Was she for real? She wanted Bella to sit with her legs spread wide open, facing the door no less, and just wait?

Bella opted to sit on the bed and wait for them to come in before messing with the stirrups.

Ten minutes later Bella was just finishing up her exam. She looked towards the nurse just in time to see her pull the torture device out of her and send goop flying across the room. Bella watched on in shock as the goop landed directly on the supervisors pant leg.

If this wasn't happening to Bella should would have found the horrified look on the supervisors face hilarious. As it was… It was her, so she was equally horrified when the supervisors first reaction was to reach down and try to wipe the stuff off her leg, before she seems to realize exactly what she was about to stick her hand in.

Bella was red as a tomato and wishing she was anywhere but sitting in this god awful paper gown with her legs wide open still…

After a few minutes of the nurse apologizing profusely and Bella avoiding eye contact she made her way to the car. Her embarrassment faded when she realized not only did she get to tell everyone she was going to be a mommy, but also she was having twins!

_"You did what?"_ Bella seethed.

_"I was excited baby."_ Edward replied sheepishly.

_"That doesn't matter Edward! You could of just used your contacts! Not both of ours."_

_"I can't help it! I would hire a blimp with the news if you would let me."_

Bella was not amused. Her happy mood was shot to shit when Edward informed her that while she was being abused by the nurse, he had sent a mass message to all his AND her phone contacts letting everyone know the news of the pregnancy and twins.

_"You know what? I'm going to make the sex appointment for when you're working! Then I'm going to tell everyone what we are having before you know!"_

_"Come on Bella, that's not fair!"_

Bella glared. _"What's not fair is me not getting to tell anyone! Not even my own family."_

The rest of the ride home was spent in tense silence. Bella understood his excitement… That didn't mean she had to like the fact she didn't get to share the news with anyone. He had even included Renee in the mass text! He hadn't done it on purpose, but it still freaked her the fuck out with Renee knowing she was pregnant. With her you never know what kind of reaction you are going to get.

Shaking out of her bad thoughts, Bella sighs. She couldn't stay mad at Edward, but that didn't mean she wouldn't milk it for all she was worth.

_"I want some ice cream Edward."_

Edward smiled, glad that Bella was speaking to him again. _"Sure anything you want baby."_

Bella giggled.

_"I'll stop and get you some ice cream, but I think I want some KFC."_

Bella rubbed her tummy fighting off the urge to vomit. _"Please don't say that again."_ She mumbled quietly.

_"Say what? You wanted ice cream, and I want KFC. What's offensive about that?"_

Bella gagged, she couldn't tell him what to not say, because even thinking the words was making her have the urge to empty out her stomach.

Edward oblivious to Bella's dire situation continued on._ "I'm really in the mood for some greasy chicken, ohh! Maybe one of those chicken bowl things."_

Bella rolled down the window and stuck her head out. She was pretty sure right now she looked like a slobbering dog with drool coming down her chin and her hair whipping all over the place.

_"What do you think Bella? You want KFC?"_

Bella squeezed her eyes shut. _"Pull over NOW!"_

Edward finally stopped rambling about his greasy fried chicken to notice Bella was looking mighty green.

_"You ok baby?"_

Bella glared but remained silent.

**Several dry heaves and a gag later:**

_"Ugh… Kill me now please."_ Bella whimpered.

Edward snickered. _"Being a little dramatic don't ya think?"_

_"Excuse me! You try having 2 little life suckers inside of you causing your hormones to go spastic not to mention that every little smell makes me want to vomit!"_

Edward decided to keep his mouth shut.

Once the nausea subsided Bella was feeling much better.

_"I still want that ice cream."_

Edward gaped._ "You just spent 5 minutes puking, and you want ice cream?"_

Bella shrugged. _"I feel better, and I want some fucking ice cream."_

Edward nodded. _"Can I still stop and get my…"_

_"DON'T SAY IT!"_ Bella shouted.

Edward's brow furrowed in confusion, what wasn't he supposed to say? _"What? All I was going to say was can I get my KFC?"_

Bella gagged.

A little light bulb went off over Edward's head. _"Does me saying KFC bother you?"_

Bella gagged.

Edward grinned. _"So I should refrain from saying K…F…C then?"_

Bella gagged again, and turned slightly green.

_"Baby? Remember when I had the stomach flu not too long ago and you called me a big whiney baby, and told me to stop acting like such a little bitch?"_

Bella grimaced, she had been grouchy and didn't really mean it when she said it.

Edward snickered. _"KFC, KFC, Oh how I love some KFC!"_

Bella turned slightly toward Edward, then promptly threw up in his lap.

Later that evening as Edward tried in vain to get comfortable on the couch, he realized that maybe taunting a pregnant hormonal Bella wasn't the best idea he ever had.

His last conscious thought before he feel into a restless sleep? It's going to be a long fucking 9 months…

**A/N: I did find out the sex's of our babies with out my husband there. (Totally didn't actually plan that one lol. They just happened to be shy at the gender u/s.) I held to my word and told everyone before him. :)**


End file.
